In an attempt to cash in on the “l33t d00d” gaming culture that is so pervasive on the Net, the marketing geniuses at Atari decided to take the “3” in Driver 3 and stick it where the sun don’t shine. So now we’ve got to type Driv3r. Thanks a lot, Atari. You know, it wouldn’t be so bad if there were some genuinely enthusiastic things to say about Driv3r. But there aren’t. The game’s a mess.

You are the Wheel Man

Driv3r is yet another game that’s been bitten by the GTA bug. In the previous games in the series, you knew what you were getting. The Driver games were all about driving. With Driv3r, you can now get out of you car and experience what it’s like to play a pretty crappy game on foot. We’ll get to all that in a second.

The Name’s Tanner. Just Tanner

The story in Driv3r tries so very hard to be cool. Once again, you play Tanner, a macho undercover cop who likes to get things done his way. Along the way you meet a host of cookie cutter characters all with only one name. Like Jones, Calita, and Jericho. You half expect Cher, Bono, and Sting to show up at some point.

The voice talent earmarked for the game, which includes Michael Madsen, Ving Rhames, and Michelle Rodriguez, would have been an impressive plus if the performances weren’t uniformly phoned in. Fault may not lie with the actors. Despite being linear, the storyline is amusingly hard to follow and swallow. It’s filled with character that all look and act exactly alike. Narration, primarily done by Rhames, pops in and out without any sense of flow or continuity. Basically, you just wait for the cutscene to end so you can figure out what your objectives are and get on with playing the game.

These Boots are Made for Walkin’

So the biggest change from previous version of Driver is the ability for Tanner to leave his vehicle and wander around on foot. This is the worst feature in the game by far. Movement is loose and sluggish, and Tanner doesn’t have a whole lot of tricks up his sleeve. He can run, duck, and roll. While ducking is semi-useful, the animation for the roll is close to the dumbest we’ve ever seen. Tanner can also jump, but there’s only one place in the game where it’s absolutely necessary to do so. Oh, and he can also swim. It’s too bad none of these things ever feel quite right. It’s as if you’re controlling another vehicle and not a human being.

Tanner also shoots. There are several different kinds of weapons, but combat all boils down to picking the bad guys off at a distance if you can. Under certain circumstances, you’ll be wandering though a building and enemies will pop and shoot at you. None of this is very challenging as the AI is practically nonexistent. Enemies will normally just stand in place and shoot. If the on-foot portion of Driv3r was all there was to the game, it would a one out of five, pure and simple. It’s that bad.

Who’s Gonna Drive You Home Tonight?

But about 60 percent of Driv3r is driving. And that’s a good thing. Here the game feels much more at home. The missions generally follow a chase-or-be-chased structure with a couple of inspired moments thrown in for good measure. One, which involves collecting cars and driving them up into the back of a moving truck Spy Hunter style is very challenging, yet extremely fun. And the missions where you have to avoid roaming police cars are a nice mix of strategy, stealth, and white knuckle driving.

Unfortunately, many missions which should provide harrowing moments of pure adrenaline don’t because Driv3r appears hell bent on making your driving moments miserable whenever it can. Some missions require you to not only be flawless, but psychic as well.

Case in point. With the exception of buildings, most structures and debris on the side of the road can be crashed into without penalty. However, smacking into traffic lights, lamp posts, and trees will bring your car to a dead stop. The problem is, it’s often hard to see them until your right on top of them and they are everywhere. This makes engaging in any high speed, Hollywood-style chase (which is arguably the point of playing a game like Driv3r) an exercise in frustration.

This Ride Needs a Good Polish

There is a long, long list of things that will hamper any enjoyment you hope to get out of this game. Performance gets choppy in certain parts of the city (Istanbul especially). Cars tend to pop into view and there are never more than maybe four or five other cars onscreen at any given time. Generating a massive traffic accident isn’t an option in Driv3r.

There are flickering textures and light sources. Dead enemies get up and die again. Clipping problems. Collision problems. The entire game feels completely unfinished. The other game modes are what you expect from a Driver game, so there are no surprises there. This is one of Atari’s only triple-A properties, and maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to try to turn the game into a Grand Theft Auto clone. Driv3r tries to be more than just a driving game, but it looks like Tanner should get his butt back behind the wheel and stay there.