We are jaded. Can you blame us? If you had to wade through piles of crap like Aquaman and Drake of the 99 Dragons week after week you’d be just as skeptical. But every once in a while a game comes along that turns the entire X-Play staff on its ear until we’re sharing bleary-eyed war stories the next morning. Resident Evil 4 is one of those games. Filled with more memorable moments than 90 percent of all the games from last year put together, Resident Evil 4 is simply one of the greatest action-adventure games of all time.

Death of the Dead

You play as Leon Kennedy. Yep, the very same new jack who got caught up in the Umbrella disaster in Resident Evil 2 on his very first day as Raccoon City Police lackey. Leon’s looking a little more GQ and a little less cross-country team these days, and he needs every whisker on his scruffy face to rescue the president’s daughter from a wanton cult hidden in the rural villages of Spain. The cult is protected by hordes of possessed villagers that won’t think twice about treating your noggin like a bail of hay. Crazed monks also make their plea for a nomination as best supporting suplex candidate. There are no zombies to see here, folks. Move along.

It’s no secret that old Leon snatches Ashley, the fruit of the president’s loins, back from the bad guys early on in the game. But the pair suffers a terrible twist of fate that only the trickling streams and abandoned farmhouses of the Spanish countryside can provide the answers to. While there are a couple typical Resident Evil moments, the dialogue is well-written and voiced. Twisty and just flat-out twisted; the story serves as a perfect backdrop for heart-stopping gameplay that will make you wonder if you’re really playing a Resident Evil game.

New Dawn Rises

Remember how fun it used to be to run down a hallway, only for the camera angle to abruptly change, causing your character to careen into a wall? Or how about having the option of shooting up, down, or in the middle? And will we ever forget the uncontrollable glee brought on by trying to grab objects from a 2D background with a 3D character? Sadly, those salad days have come to an end.

Capcom has finally decided to change the series, and it has gone beyond the status quo. Playing from a unique, over-the-shoulder viewpoint, you have complete control over your weapon’s aim. And it’s a good thing, because these enemies aren’t shuffling piles of nerve endings. They run. They coordinate. They toss grenades and dynamite and try to blow your ass up. They use ladders to climb in windows, smash through doors, and otherwise terrorize your petrified self from every nook and cranny. You need firepower.

Ballistics a Go-Go

What is it like to fall in love with a gun? Play Resident Evil 4 to find out. There are loads of different handguns, shotguns, and rifles that can be upgraded in a variety of categories. Upgrading your gun’s reload speed might not sound like a great idea until you’re surrounded by a group of savages with chainsaws and your clip runs dry. Each gun has its own advantages to upgrading and sometimes it’s better to just keep jacking-up older guns instead of cashing in and getting new ones. It’s hard to argue with dropping five desperadoes with one bullet.

When you’re not shooting, you control Leon much like you would in any other action game. While turning can be a tad sluggish, you won’t be blaming it for getting Leon’s head lopped off by an ax-wielding maniac. Some of the sweetest scripted events to ever grace a video game keep you on your toes -- as if a crazed housewife with a butcher knife or a salamander the size of Delaware aren’t enough already. Some conventions return like using herbs for health and solving simple puzzles, but new inventory and save systems keep things from grinding.

Ashley’s not the most capable killer, and there are times where you’re going to have to cover her sorry butt while she’s too freaked out to run away. Escort missions are generally hit or miss, but the tedium never sets in here because you can always have her hang out in a dumpster while you’re dropping enemies. The girl can’t seem to stay out of trouble, anyway. 

Don’t Drop the Controller!

No one’s perfect, and you’re eventually going to get snatched up by some grimy villager who wants to slam you down onto your spine. This initiates a context sensitive action that requires you vigorously wiggle the analog stick to break free. Moments like these are frequent, and surprisingly become a big part of the game. You can’t even rest during cutscenes, as you’ll be asked to poke in simple button combinations with split-second timing. Of course, half the fun is seeing what happens if you fail. With one eye closed, of course.

Take a Look at my El Gigante

Capcom has unleashed a horde of hideous beasts upon this game that people will be talking about for a long time to come. The first time the orc-like El Gigante rips a tree from its roots and takes a swing at you with it you’ll be a believer. Even in the boss fights the context-sensitive situations keep coming. Don't be surprised if this ends up being copied like fourth-grade math homework.

Bring over the kinfolk and have them take a gander at this one. The word “dilapidated” is now officially a part of every video game scholar’s vocabulary. The attention to detail is impressive with animation so intricate that your maw will open slightly as Leon reloads the rifle, taking the time to pop out the spent casing. This engine is something else, and you’ll have problems finding a better-looking game on any system. Lightning illuminates things you’d rather you hadn’t seen, and the explosion of organic matter that happens when the gun goes bang will have your cousin Billy Bob hollerin’, “Yee haw!”

Rebirth of Sick

This isn’t your older brother’s Resident Evil. Heck, this isn’t your Resident Evil. This is, finally, the Resident Evil for everyone. Creepy, unnerving, intense, and downright fun, it proves that old dogs can learn new tricks. With a bevy of unlockables and a single-player freak-out well worth playing twice, there is much bang in this macabre buck. Drop 50 bones on this sucker even if you don’t have a GameCube -- if only to say you were smart enough to buy one of the best games of this generation.