The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles got their start as a black and white comic back in 1984. But it wasn't until 1987, when a dumbed-down (full color) cartoon hit the boob tube, that the quartet of amphibious martial artists became household names. Since then fans have seen a steady stream of games based on the property – each incrementally more technologically advanced than the next. The series started as a chunky-looking beat-'em up that spent an inordinate amount of time in the sewers and evolved in tiny turtle steps from there. Now that we're living in the future the series is overdue for a dazzling upgrade. To coincide with the snazzy, all-computer animated feature-length film now limping out of theaters and onto DVD, Ubisoft brings us TMNT. It's pretty much a shiny-looking beat-'em up that spends quite a bit of time on the wrong side of a manhole.

Remember That Time?

TMNT may tie-in with a two-hour movie, but its story is hidden beneath so many layers of laziness that it's near indecipherable. Only once in a while do players ever see any of the eye-popping graphics from the film. Most of the plot is delivered via the pages of a poorly-drawn comic book. A shaky camera moves across the pages while the turtles and their master Splinter reminisce about the adventure in past tense. The panels were drawn by someone with a less-than rudimentary understanding of the concept of sequential art, so it's hard to tell if the comic book is telling the story of the adventure or if the entire game is the equivalent of a sitcom flashback episode -- with the characters just sitting around and talking about the adventure. Either way the stuff between the levels is dull as dirt.

One Turtle Against The World

The actual game isn't ooze-worthy either. Unlike some of the better series installments TMNT is a single-player game. So while the game's voice actors give tons of lip service to working as a team and the value of family, the actual game is all about going it alone. Players can hot-swap between turtles and occasionally call one of the brothers in for a two-man maneuver, but otherwise the game is a solo affair spent maneuvering across rooftops, through jungles and, of course, knee-deep in the sewer. Every so often a gang of bad guys jump out of the woodwork for a fight. That's pretty much all there is to the game. There are no puzzles to speak of and the game's few boss battles have all the impact of a speed bump. If you've played God of War II  this game's combat, story, design and graphics will feel like a massive step backwards. You'd probably have more fun putting the God of War II disc in your Xbox 360 and watching the resulting error screen.

Cowa-bungled

TMNT's uninspired brand of ninjitsu-fueled platforming won't be blowing any minds. The game's biggest new trick is a swipe from another game. Raphael, Donatello, Leonardo and Michaelangelo bust wall-runs straight out of Prince of Persia. Otherwise, the game is the same old game we've been playing for the last 20 years. It's just a little prettier, with a coat of graphical gloss slathered over the same old action. If TMNT is remembered for anything in the years to come, it'll because it's an achievement pushover. Only Peter Jackson's King Kong coughs up a full 1000 points with less of a fight.

Article by: Gus Mastrapa