X

Your Childhood Sucks: Final Fantasy VII

Posted: March 3, 2009
Your Childhood Sucks: Final Fantasy VII
http://www.g4tv.com/videos/37041/your-childhood-sucks-final-fantasy-vii/
http://images.g4tv.com/ImageDb3/135922_LGST/xp20090303_ffvii_child.jpg
Video_37041
In this edition of Your Childhood Sucks, we try and convince you that, ultimately, 'Final Fantasy VII' kind of sucked...really, believe us. It did.

Comments are Closed

  • ohnonotme

    The only valid consideration in this video would have to be the comment on the dialog--it's annoyingly slow-paced and relies upon text to demonstrate what the characters could easily act out (even without facial expressions.)

    In truth, FF7 has reasons to suck, but not the reasons listed. It was a story-based game with a trite, unlikeable story. Cloud is a poor choice of protagonist--the broody swordsman does little to nothing to make us actually grow attached to him but whine and drag people to his personal business. Aeris was a tad too perfect to be a compelling character, and without extensive backstory, the plot itself makes little sense. The gameplay essentially boils down to timed searching through menus. Broken monsters lie in wait in the field, waiting to ruin your day with a bit of unavoidable bad luck. Several attacks take long minutes to complete, causing the already slow-paced game to approach a crawl.

    Of course, a game is a game, and emotional attachment is more important than gameplay mechanics. When you're young, little else matters as long as you're glued to your controller and giving it your best shot.

    But yeah, your childhood probably sucked.

    Posted: September 15, 2011 5:08 PM
    ohnonotme
  • Grand_key

    Adam Sassler go blow your cousin. Final Fantasy VII rules

    Posted: April 5, 2011 12:54 PM
    Grand_key
  • magusat999

    And when FFVII came out, FFVI graphics sucked. When FFIII came out, FFI graphics sucked - whats the point? Graphics have evolved - you can't say a game sucked because of it's graphics. And if you thought FFVII had annoying and frequent battle sequences then you never played FFVIII - not only did you have the frequent random battles - they were slow as molasses, even though the graphics were better than FFVII. You can't complain about graphics when X-Play celebrates games like Pacman - come on now. You don't pull a game that is two decades old and start criticizing it like it came out yesterday - the game was the bomb when it came out, and was very much ahead of anything out there. Even back then you had lame-ass gamers who complained about the random encounters in RPGs - but that didn't seem to hurt FFVII's popularity in the least - so stop whining.

    You sound like you just made this to stir up stuff. If you really think that way then I strongly question your legitimacy as a game journalist.

    Posted: April 2, 2011 8:28 PM
    magusat999
  • VGKen

    I am pretty sure a lot of people who posted LOVED FF7 then Adam says it sucks and so do they. I am not saying everyone some may have originally hated it oddly enough but you guys know who you are. As soon as you saw this video you threw away your copy of FF7, tore off your Sephiroth posters and threw away all your FF 7 cosplay. You know who you are ;)

    Posted: April 2, 2011 6:45 AM
    VGKen
  • VGKen

    They are right. FF 7 is overhyped like come on anyone with a pair of eyes can notice that. Like FF7 and OoT are the most overated games EVARRR!!!! spent how much hours playing total crap! ;)

    Posted: April 2, 2011 6:39 AM
    VGKen
  • Ninjadawg777

    This was one of the most revolutionary rpgs for it's time. Granted now the name of rpg has been tarnished due to some not so delightful games being placed into our hands. But out of the series it remains one of the best. Still remains a favorite by most. Now thinking about this... I wonder how many good laughs the G4 staff are getting. It's most likely an April Fools trick... I hope

    Posted: April 1, 2011 8:09 PM
    Ninjadawg777
  • theunhappychild

    we could send you more hate mail OR you can rerate this jjust like u did in crisis core,,, you choose sir, you choose...

    Posted: March 25, 2011 10:10 PM
  • OgWatson

    hahha, who cares about the hipe?
    I thought u were going to be talking about game quality, pro and cons, instead ur main point was "face it, it wasnt nearly as good as the hype." WTF.
    Thats a poor way to judge a game. Base ur logic on the playability, difficulty, and for god sakes dont talk about its popularity, u can make discussions on ur own now.
    Then again this is all coming from a SaGa Frontier fiend. Oh u never heard of it. Doesn't surprise me, it got bad reviews by people like u, hahahha. or maybe its cause Squaresoft made it.
    (sorry if i sounded mean, i just have to defend what i enjoy :D)

    Posted: November 1, 2010 11:40 PM
  • finalfantasyVIIguy

    AHHHHH WHAT THE F!!! MAN I LOVED FF 7

    Posted: October 13, 2010 2:30 PM
    finalfantasyVIIguy
  • megapwner34

    THANK YOU FINALLY SOMEONE BESIDES Spoonyone GETS IT THIS GAME SUCKS!!

    Posted: October 7, 2010 12:22 PM
  • Fantome

    I believe a good game should should remain good 2, 5, or even 10 years after its initial release. I just recently had a chance to play Earthbound, or something more relevant Final Fantasy 2 on Super Nintendo. Both games came out way before I even knew what an RPG was. Both Earthbound and Final Fantasy 2 were very well loved back in the day and still are. When I played them for the first time I felt these games were really good and deserved all the attention they got (though personally I thought Earthbound deserved more).

    When I played Final Fantasy 7 I was kinda surprised at how bad the non-cutscene music and graphics were when I've been hearing, among other things, how great the music and graphics were. I could've found better on lesser platforms! This is all after I played Final Fantasy 3 on SNES too. I thought it was also good. In the end I grew too tired of the game to continue past when I got Vincent. The music, graphics, story, and characters were far too underwhelming.

    Posted: July 11, 2010 1:51 AM
    Fantome
  • Tearlach64

    I have agree with Sesler. A few years ago I was a Final Fantasy initiate. Intrigued by the saga I decided to play the first game, then the second one, the sixth, and finally I reached the seventh. Each game was better than the last; that is until I got to the seventh.

    The game's story isn't necessarily original. There are notable similarities to that of FF6: A mysterious character falls among a company of heroes to stop a totalitarian faction from throwing off balance that which shouldn't be unbalanced all the while with an insane individual after his own agenda and all that jazz.

    The characters don't have much depth to their personalities. The battles felt too drawn out and interminable. The character models somehow added less to the game; in Nintendo yore the character models had a cartoon quality that made you respond to their actions. Here however, the models are stale and rigid. It was probably for this reason that I didn't respond as emotionally to Aerith's fate. That and the vexing spoiler that occurred shortly before I played FF7.

    About the monsters, Sesler is right. Before I at least knew the names of the monsters I faced. Here I don't. They are simply nameless and unexplained, making me question their purpose apart from having something to fight in order to gain experience.

    It was these shortcomings and more that forced me to quit midway through and figure out what followed via walkthroughs. (If someone responds concerning my inability to commit, so be it.)

    To make things fair I will list a positive. Rarely does it happen when music from a video game inspires composers to emulate it with a full-fledged orchestra. FF7, among others, did that, allowing its music to transcend its medium. Just look at Eminence Symphony and Symphonic Fantasies. That's one aspect that makes the game worthy of attention.

    FF7 was ahead of its time when released I'm sure, and today has a unique novelty, but the game gives off the impression that its something of the past trying to make itself relevant in the present. If remade I'd be more interested, but for now I'll content myself with not being a member of its devotees.

    Posted: April 19, 2010 10:33 AM
    Tearlach64
  • Tearlach64

    I have agree with Sesler. A few years ago I was a Final Fantasy initiate. Intrigued by the saga I decided to play the first game, then the second one, the sixth, and finally I reached the seventh. Each game was better than the last; that is until I got to the seventh.

    The game's story isn't necessarily original. There are notable similarities to that of FF6: A mysterious character falls among a company of heroes to stop a totalitarian faction from throwing off balance that which shouldn't be unbalanced all the while with an insane individual after his own agenda and all that jazz.

    The characters don't have much depth to their personalities. The battles felt too drawn out and interminable. The character models somehow added less to the game; in Nintendo yore the character models had a cartoon quality that made you respond to their actions. Here however, the models are stale and rigid. It was probably for this reason that I didn't respond as emotionally to Aerith's fate. That and the vexing spoiler that occurred shortly before I played FF7.

    About the monsters, Sesler is right. Before I at least knew the names of the monsters I faced. Here I don't. They are simply nameless and unexplained, making me question their purpose apart from having something to fight in order to gain experience.

    It was these shortcomings and more that forced me to quit midway through and figure out what followed via walkthroughs. (If someone responds concerning my inability to commit, so be it.)

    To make things fair I will list a positive. Rarely does it happen when music from a video game inspires composers to emulate it with a full-fledged orchestra. FF7, among others, did that, allowing its music to transcend its medium. Just look at Eminence Symphony and Symphonic Fantasies. That's one aspect that makes the game worthy of attention.

    FF7 was ahead of its time when released I'm sure, and today has a unique novelty, but the game gives off the impression that it's something of the past trying to make itself relevant in the present. If remade I'd be more interested, but for now I'll content myself with not being a member of its devotees.

    Posted: April 19, 2010 10:31 AM
    Tearlach64
  • roscobot

    @rynoth

    It seems it makes you feel better to belittle people who like a game that you don't. Rather sad. It's one thing to give an opinion, and another thing to throw around a bunch of useless name calling and laughing. What are you, 12?

    So.....

    1. That's a complete matter of opinion. Everyone has one. You're not unique. Your point is invalid.

    2. Ok?

    3. You can't make two points out of the same point, silly. It's not that hard to achieve her limit break and final weapon. Random battles can be a bit annoying, yes. But it's a choice you make. Either do enough to see the weapon if you want, or choose not too. But whining about it is just, whining. Point also invalid.

    4. I'm a little confused on this one. You just thought it was a bad idea? (again, opinion) Or you just don't think they did it right? (wait, also opinion) Either way, point once again, invalid.

    5. For someone who hates the game so much, you sure know a lot about it. And, I think they designed it to be a bit overpowered for those who chose to do it. I had a friend who beat Ruby weapon by using some ridiculous combination of spells that would chain cast KoTR and healing spells. He went to lunch while the game basically auto played itself and destroyed the boss. Kinda funny. At any rate, it seems you once again just disagree with a design choice. So here we have another opinion and another invalid point.

    Basically, you didn't like the game. Does it hurt my feelings? Well, I don't know you and it's just a game. So your stereotype of the fans of the game is also just another dumb attempt at sounding cool.

    Stop talking.

    Posted: February 13, 2010 1:53 PM
    roscobot
  • rynoth

    @ Lord-Balephron, EntropyStudios, blkn3ko, and any other Final Fantasy fan boy/girl.
    heeheheheh..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAH!

    Seriously I love how you act as if someone just kicked your dog and questioned your sexuality. "How dare you sir!"

    Reasons why Final Fantasy 7 sucks:

    1. The storyline BLOWS! It starts out as an eco-terrorist group against an evil corporation. Then it quickly devolves into fighting an effeminate super soldier with a severe oedipal complex all the while protecting the spirit of the planet from being destoyed. Go Japan.

    2. Aeris dies before disc two.

    3. Aeris has an ultimate weapon, and a final limit break...see reason 1.

    4. Entering the life stream to get Cloud out.

    5. Knights of the Round, Final Attack, and Morph materia all break the game.
    KOTR = 1 shot kill almost any boss. FA + Phoenix summon = your party is practically unkillable. Morph = infinite supply of Power sources, Mind source, etc. In addition you can morph Master Tonberrys into additional ribbon accessories making any item or spell that removes a status effect obsolete.

    Enjoy FF13 fan boys/girls, I hear even the Japanese hate it.

    Posted: February 12, 2010 9:59 AM
    rynoth
  • roscobot

    @Lord-Balephron

    Telling Adam to go die is a bit much. That's even worse than telling him to eat a bowl of dick soup. Wait.... *ponder*

    At any rate, I will have to admit, you are right. This was my first RPG and I absolutely adored it....still do. You bring up a few funny points. It's funny too look back at some of the monster design and look at it as you say "what the hell is that supposed to be." I found myself chuckling and thinking "damn if I know!" I don't know why they used MIDI either. But coming from someone who imported the soundtrack (laugh at me now) it obviously did not bother me. But come on, you cant tell me you didn't have a $&%! eating grin on your face when you heard One Winged Angel for the first time while fighting Sephiroth at the end, can you? We'll just have to agree to disagree on this on as it's honestly still probably my favorite game. The story alone sells it for me. I mean come on, I get to be a mercenary trying to find dirty jobs for money who turns into someone saving the planet from a guy summoning a meteor to crash into said planet in order to merge with souls to become a god? Epic, defined.

    At any rate, I do not want you to die or eat any dick soup, be it hot or cold. Stick with the Ox tail on this one however. :)

    Posted: February 11, 2010 11:32 PM
    roscobot
  • Lord-Balephron

    This is heresy, treason, blasphemy and all that, I like the idea of you punching people in the face of those people who cried when Aerith died BUT I will find you one day, and well i'm sure you will get more than just a punch in the face. The graphics were awesome for it's day. The soundtrack for FFVII WAS AWESOME, no game will top it. You suck Adam Sesler or how ever the hell you spell it. I hate you and I hope you suffer horribly from me and all the other FFVII fans out there. Lord Balephron, out. P.S X-Play sucks for the fact that you rate games and all your crap about this game sucks cause of this and that and all that bullcrap, I hope it gets cancelled soon because I hate it when someone tries to tell me what a good game is I prefer to find out myself. GO DIE ADAM SESLER

    Posted: February 1, 2010 1:56 AM
    Lord-Balephron
  • Shizuka Assassin

    If any game is beyond over hyped its Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2, I mean that's all I heard throughout this past Nov., "OMG COD:MW2"...sigh, now that is over hype, as for FF7, the only reason it's "over-hyped" is because of the popularity it's gained over the years, but it is by far from a bad game, I loved it, and you can reduce the number of enemies you encounter with materia and items. But this merely an opinion and I say to each their own.

    Posted: January 22, 2010 11:40 PM
    Shizuka+Assassin
  • tygor_tora

    Since it seems that others who liked this game have said everything that needs to be said (okay, it was overhyped, but for it's day it was a pretty good game with a well-thought-out plot and plenty of comedic fodder), I only have one thing to add.

    If you are going to bash an old favorite, that's your perogative, but give us, and yourself, the dignity of correctly pronouncing the characters' names. The name is "Aeris", and is most commonly said using the spelling "Aerith" (found in Kingdom Hearts and Crisis Core). In this review, her name was mispronounced as "Aries", and I do apologize, but this innocent-minded Cetra girl was not named after the first sign of the greek zodiac.

    Posted: January 13, 2010 11:44 AM
    tygor_tora
  • sewageking

    Final Fantasy VII doesn't suck. Overhyped, yes, but far from bad. What I find so amazing about it is that despite its terrible graphics and poorly translated script, the game still manages to pull you into its unique world. I will agree that the random battles get very annoying, but FFVI had those too, and everyone seems to love that game. I think X-Play even gave it 5 stars.

    But anyways, the world of the game is what has always appealed to me. It's futuristic, but not a Star Wars knock-off. Midgar is dystopian, but in its own, somewhat ironic way (the rich people literally live above the lower class). It's practically the last thing you would expect to find in a Final Fantasy game, or almost any RPG for that matter. Final Fantasy VII most definitely does not suck.

    Posted: December 20, 2009 5:16 PM
    sewageking
AdChoices