Anna David has been known to dispense top notch sex advice from the comfort of the Attack studios, but sometimes she takes a more proactive approach to healing the hearts and minds of the love starved.
On occasion the sex expert scours the sidewalks of Manhattan for the lonely and sexually confused, so she can work her own brand of magic on their love lives. When she does, something wholly unique and beautiful happens.We’ve taken to calling that wondrous happening Sex on the Streets.
Here are Anna’s answers to today’s questions:
My boyfriend told me he fantasizes about watching me with other women. I'm really hurt. Do I not satisfy him?
I would say you should count yourself in the lucky percentage of women whose boyfriends actually tell them about their fantasies as it suggests that the two of you have an open, communicative relationship that he could even let you know something like this.
Rather than taking what he said personally, why not consider this an opportunity to tell him what secretly turns you on? And if he's dead set on the concept of you being with another woman and you know that's not something you would ever feel comfortable with, definitely don't go along with it to please him.
But you can always "act out" the fantasy in bed by whispering to him what it is you're doing to this other (fictional) woman in bed and what she's doing to you. If you accompany your boyfriend on his fantasies, you may well prevent him from even needing them.
Why is it that women always say they want to be with the "nice guy", but they actually only seem to go for the guy that will cheat on her and treat her like crap?
Not all women go for the men who will cheat on them and treat them badly but you do have a point: the bad boy does always seem to have a way with the ladies. I don't think the reason for this is as simple as the fact that women simply have low self-esteem and these guys fulfill their expectations of what they think they deserve.
I think it's partially that, partially fear (she never has to actually let her guard down and show a guy who she really is if he's cheating on her and treating her like crap because all their time is probably spent focusing on those issues) and partially some deep-seated maternal desire to save or cure these men. And I think a lot of women suffer from the delusional belief that even though a guy has been horrible to other women in the past, he will change for her.
A nice guy, on the other hand, doesn't provide any of those challenges and escapes. But mature women do tend to appreciate nice, reliable guys -- so long as they're genuinely nice and not simply pushover people-pleasers without backbones.
So don't stop being nice but don't let women walk all over you, either. The women who like jerks aren't really available, so you needn't bother with them, anyway.