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Combat of Giants: Dinosaurs 3D

Horrible scientists and dinosaur fossils from New Zealand are going to ruin your day; the (mad) scientists have discovered that DNA has a half-life of 521 years. This means Jurassic Park can never happen in real life, and that means enraged, cloned Velocipedes will never terrorize Jeff Goldblum in real life.

Palaeogeneticists led by Morten Allentoft at the University of Copenhagen and Michael Bunce at Murdoch University in Perth  Australia, discovered the terrible news after examining 158 DNA-containing leg bones of three species of extinct giant birds called moa, you know, like the kind in Guild Wars 2.

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A Prince of Persia Primer: Everything You Need To Know Prince of Persia

Disney's massive summer blockbuster wannabe The Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time opens everywhere today, and let's face the facts: you're probably going to go see this movie, despite our own scathing review. We understand. Sometimes you just have to see these things for yourself. Or maybe you're inexorably drawn to Jake Gyllenhaal's oiled pecs, or Gemma Arteron's ... everything. Just don't tell us that we didn't warn you.

But Prince of Persia first debuted as a video game in 1989, which means that many of the people that will be dragging their parents with them to multiplexes this weekend don't even know the rich video game history behind this franchise, and I refuse to stand idly by and let them think the name just means a movie starring the guy who didn't make it as Spider-Man. With that, I give you our Prince of Persia Primer. Go ahead, soak it in.

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Seattle, 3:15pm PDT.

The entire ride up, everyone's been ranting about Yeti. If that's another name for Bigfoot, cool. I like all the aliases I can get, since it's better leads on my target. As soon as I see it, I'm going in for my master stroke of vengeance. And if Carolina Crusher happens to be there, collateral damage, baby. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. You're too far away. I can't wait to show Bigfoot what happens when you destroy my car.

In the meantime, I got a link from my buddy Steven that I just checked out on my iPhone from the road. Did you know that every street corner in Seattle has Wi-Fi to go with its coffee? Glad I figured that out during PAX; I never thought it'd become a useful survival tool. Platinum Games has taken it upon themselves to show off their latest game, Bayonetta: Angel Land. Have a look below: 

I don't know about you, but all that Blast Processing on display just makes my toes curl!

Bigfoot Hunt Update

As you are no doubt aware, we have given up writing about video games to pursue Bigfoot.

We knew our expedition would get a lot of attention when we found Bigfoot, but we had no idea that the hunt itself would get so much positve press. Our iPhones have been ringing off the hook since we crossed the state line into Washington, and it's not just collection agencies, either. We're getting serious offers from important Hollywood film companies who want to purchase the movie rights to our exciting adventures and make them into a big budget action movie starring Paul Giamatti and Sandra Bullock. This is our ticket to the big time.

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April Fools: SEGA Announces ECCO: Water Wars 2

Bigfoot log: 2:25PM.

Bit concerned at the moment. Haven’t seen Patrick Klepek for over an hour now. He chased after a local with a thick beard to get a statement after Andrew Pfister’s “never breaks down because it’s super reliable” 1981 LeBaron broke down for the seventh time, singlehandedly jeopardizing our entire Bigfoot hunting operation (To tell you the truth, I need to hunt for some patience and deep breathing soon or we’ll be bagging and tagging the equally elusive Pfister-foot pretty soon.)

The point is, the way we’re headed, we might end up needing a little help, and fast, if we hope to be feasting on tasty Sasquach cakes by sundown. Thankfully, SEGA has informed us of a new game (that I’m hoping is based on a real creature that is available for rental) that continues the moderately popular/controversial reboot of SEGA’s classic dolphin simulator, ECCO: Water Wars.

According to the game’s official announcement, ECCO: Water Wars 2 reunites players with Ecco the Dolphin who is “now a master of time travel and innumerable other highly improbable porpoise plot devices,” and “must lead his fellow Dolphins in a fight against all of humanity – including the elderly.” If that doesn’t have multi-thousand-dollar seller written on it, I don’t know what does. And just in case you were doubting how amazing this game is going to be, hit the break to see a handful of screens that will blow-hole you away.

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April Fools: Blizzard's Annual Jokes

Are you tired of April Fools Day yet? I'm not. I love it, and not just because I'm finally going to meet my hero Bigfoot (and hopefully Evil Kenevil). It's because I love jokes. Especially when they're funny. Like Blizzard's jokes this year.

The makers of World of Warcraft and Diablo have come up wtih these hysterical bits:

  • Blizzard Storefront is offering the "Diablo III Deckard Cain X-Treme Gamer Blanket" it features "patented Freedom of Movement Holes" and is "covered in runes of warmth," as well as a full body, Diablo III-themed pillow.
  • World of Warcraft is revitalizing their equiptment system with the Equipment Potency Equivalence Number. As you get better and better equipment, your EPEEN will grow and grow!
  • Battle.net is offering a plug-into-your-head Neural Interface.
  • Blizzard Mobile is offering a pair of new games: Blackthorne 2: Thorneharder and Queen's Quest. Hey, a mobile version of the old King's Quest game doesn't sound like a joke to me as much as a great idea!

What do you think? Good crop of Blizzard jokes this year or what?

As we drive closer to our Quarry, the elusive North American Bigfoot, TheFeed has been re-thinking our original strategy of annihilation. Instead, we see the discovery of the Yeti as an opportunity to create a new gaming demographic. With that in mind, please enjoy our Talkabout: Games for Yeti.

Talkabouts: Games For Yeti »


 

What games do you think a Bigfoot would like?

April Fools: Bieber Or Die

Pfister's Bonaventure broke down near a truck stop outside Bakersfield, delaying the Bigfoot-hunt. No one has AAA because, according to Jake Gaskill, "it's a Communist plot." So I have a lot of time to look at stuff on the internet.

My early pick for funniest internet April Fool joke: Funny or Die's joke. The hook: Teen-pop sensation Justin Bieber has taken over the site, and is featuring only Justin Bieber videos.

"Anything that's not Bieber... dies," Justin says in the intro video.

Check it out. It's really funny, and might give you a new appreciation for Justin Bieber. He stars in a bunch of videos and seems to have a great sense of humor.

Google Docs Store Anything

In a shocking April 1 announcement, Google has revealed that Google Docs, the company's document storage service, will now allow for the storage of physical objects.

Store Anything will store pets, pizzas, and pianos, and that's just the letter "P." They promise to store and distribute any physical object using Google technology.

Michael B, a House Surfer, put it this way: "Since I uploaded my condo to Google Docs I can sleep in my own bed regardless of where I am. It gives a whole new meaning to don’t leave home without it."

I'm trying to use Google Docs to upload my urine as we speak. According to Patrick Klepek, bathroom stops will throw us off schedule, and I don't think the brakes work too well on this car anyway. Bigfoot is punctual, apparently.

Source: Google

Bigfoot Text

It's a long ride from Los Angeles to the woods of  Washington. Andrew Pfister's 1983 Bonaventure is a roomy car, sure, but the transmission is shot so it's stuck in second gear. We can't go over 25 miles per hour, and Andrew keeps telling everyone to "shut the hell up" because "it's a classic automobile." My laptop still has a little juice, so I guess I'll report the news.

Anyway, Video provider YouTube has begun offering text only videos. Just go to YouTube, and change the field that offers video quality to "TEXTp." YouTube proudly proclaims: "By using text-only mode, you are saving YouTube $1 a second in bandwidth costs"

The new feature went live at 12 AM on April 1, causing many to belive that ASCII YouTube is an April Fool's prank, but I'm not so sure. I think YouTube is covertly giving us a way to look deeper into their videos. One of our top Sasquatch researchers (Jake Gaskill, drunk) has been pouring over text-only Bigfoot (above) and has determined that the image enhancement reveals that Bigfoot's nose is actually a bracket!

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The Death Of TheFeed: And Its Re-Birth

TheFeed, as you have known it, is no more. This is our last post.

Our editorial team has decided to stop all coverage of video games, popular culture, and technology immediately in order to focus on our true passion: locating, capturing, and eliminating Bigfoot. You may call us “Yeti Squad.”

For too many years, Bigfoot (a/k/a Sasquatch, Yeti, or The Abominable Snowman) has haunted the woods of the Pacific Northwest and it’s time for true American Patriots to stand up and put a stop to this nonsense with bullets. Someone has to be brave enough to take a stand for what’s right. Someone like TheFeed.

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