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Webmaster Hates You

Hello gang, you've asked for the Webmaster to Hate on You more, so now you get two in one week. I hope you're proud of yourselves.

I get a lot of spam.  More than you can probably imagine.  Most of it is in foreign languages, presumably offering some lottery winnings and/ or the enlargement of The Webmaster's Penis. 

Today I received this gem:

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From: Marcus
Date: Tue, 11 Nov 2008 22:58:35 -0800
To: Webmaster
Subject: Jesus and Santa

We would like to share with you an image we've created that has the commercialized symbol of Christmas (Santa) bowing at the feet of our Lord.

www.JesusandSanta.com

If you appreciate or identify with this symbol, feel free to share with family and friends.

Best,
Marcus

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I wonder if Marcus recognizes the irony of SELLING items related to his protest of the over-commercialization of Christmas. Now while the Webmaster might Hate You, he respects all beliefs... but you have to admit that nothing says "I respect my Lord and Savior" like a doggie t-shirt.  Very classy.

The Webmaster Hates You Returns

gentle
16 Comments

Posted November 10, 2008 - By juster

Like a phoenix rising from the ashes and/ or a strong case of syphillis.... its back!  The Webmaster Hates You returns!

Here's an actual exchange between yours truly and and well, one of you, apparently. As usual, all we've done is edit out the f-bombs. And re-ordered the emails so you can read them top to bottom. You're welcome.

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From: Amanda R
Date: Fri, 7 Nov 2008 09:42:11 -0800
To: webmaster@g4tv.com
Subject: you ....

you suck big ballz f**k you you bastard!!!!!

From: webmaster@G4tv.com
To: Amanda R
Sent: Friday, November 7, 2008 1:03:09 PM
Subject: Re: you ....

Mom?

Read More »

We have access to all kinds of analytical material here at The Feed, which we use to figure out what you guys like and don't, and where you come from when you come to the site. One of the most interesting things we have access to is a list of searches that led you to our site. So, we're going to share some of the weirdest search terms with you in a new feature we like to call Things The Internets Want To Know.

First, we had a bunch of what we can only assume were parents searching for "Club Penguin," which led to our funny, but definitely not family friendly internet meme that showed...well...penguins getting clubbed. This amuses us greatly.

Also interesting (but not necessarily search related) was the fact that last month we received one single visitor from each of the following places; Turkmenistan, East Timor, Cook Island, Christmas Island, Micronesia, Burundi, and Antarctica. Thanks, Antarctica, but, seriously, West Timor, get on the stick, will ya?

But our favorite thing that the Internets Wanted to Know last week was...Can you have a female wizard?

Read More »

Like a phoenix rising from the ashes... the Webmaster Hates You is back. w00t.

From: Robert H. [mailto:robert.XXXX@XXX.net]
Sent: Saturday, April 19, 2008 2:43 PM
To: Webmaster G4
Subject:

wtf is wrong

Dear Robert,

It's hard to say, as there are *so* many things wrong with the world.  Off the top of my head:

  • The economy
  • The inevitability of death
  • Dependence on foreign oil
  • The fact that the Boston Celtics are really that good
  • The death of quality rock and roll music
  • The fact that people keep letting M Night Shyamalan make movie
  • The war

Read More »

After a long hiatus... Webmaster Hates You is back!  Its like herpes, but with less frequent outbreaks.

In this edition, your Webmaster opts to respond as if he is an automated system and something resembling comedy ensues.  This thread is posted in reverse order so you can read it from the top down.  Enjoy.

From: B & D
Sent: Saturday, April 12, 2008 2:33 PM
To: Webmaster


You suck
_____________________________

From: Webmaster
Sent: Monday, April 14, 2008 9:56 AM
To: 'BARRY'


DOES NOT COMPUTE. PLEASE REPHRASE YOUR QUESTION.

________________________________

Read More »

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Webmaster Hates You

sjohnson
20 Comments

Posted August 29, 2007 - By Stephen Johnson


The Webmaster Hates You is a semi-regular TheFeed feature in which we answer your email. Doesn't that sound like fun?

From: Robert XXX [mailto:robertXXXX@yahoo.com]
Posted At: Tuesday, August 28, 2007 8:39 PM 
Posted To: Webmaster G4 
Subject: Order of Tv
 

Hello This is Mr Robert I will like to know if you do have Plasma TV in stock for sale?I will like to know the prices and the method of payment you do acept.

And also I will like to have your contact number for more informations.

Thank you hope to hear from you.

Best Regards ROBERT....

From: Webmaster G4
 Posted At: Tuesday, August 28, 2007 8:39 PM 
Posted To:  Robert XXX [mailto:robertXXXX@yahoo.com]
Subject: Order of Tv
 

Mr. Roberts, we have determined that it is mathematically impossible that a person as dumb as you could be alive.

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Anonymous Posters

gentle
63 Comments

Posted August 13, 2007 - By juster

A note to regular (and new) Feed Readers,

Due to overwhelming demand and the infallible stupidity of anonymous internet users, we've temporarily turned off the ability to post as a non-registered guest.  We wanted to make this place a more open and public forum for important discussions such as "PS3 IZ TEH BOM" and/ or "I HART XBOX YAY!", but clearly we underestimated the power that anonymity wields over some of readers of this fine internet weblog.

That said, we're working on a comment ratings system that will allow you to give comments a thumbs up or down, and will automatically collapse any comments deemed lame by the majority.  Should prove interesting.

If you've been posting anonymously we encourage you to register.  Its totally free and mostly painless.

We sincerely appreciate the time you take to help make this blog better via your witty comments and intelligent observations, so keep up the good work and have a nice day.

Love,

TheFeed

First off, we’d like to thank all our commenters for their contribution to the site. You guys rock. But (and we have a big but) we’ve been noticing a lack of civility on TheFeed’s message boards lately.

Put simply, some people are being all jerky.

Rampant jerkiness makes TheFeed a less-fun place for everyone.

While we value an open forum for our readers, this new undercurrent of jerkiness is forcing us to put our foot down a bit and establish some rules.

1)      The most important rule of TheFeed: Don’t be a jerk. Please take a moment to monitor your words before you push that “post” button. Ask yourself: “Am I being jerky here?” If the answer is “yes” or even “kinda,” don’t post it. Do something else instead. Go ride your bike or something. We encourage strong opinions, attempts at comedy (even if they’re not funny) and physical descriptions of your girlfriend, so there’s no need to feel stifled. You just shouldn’t be a jerk.

Read More »

Webmaster Hates You

sjohnson
10 Comments

Posted April 30, 2007 - By Stephen Johnson

The Webmaster Hates You is a semi-regular TheFeed feature in which we answer your email. Doesn't that sound like fun?

From:  Tim B*******
Sent: Monday, April 30 , 2007 1:12 PM
To: webmaster
Subject: question...

i heard about like the free deals for like ps3s and other consules is it true? how do i get one?

 

Read More »

The Webmaster Hates You is a semi-regular TheFeed feature in which we answer your email. Doesn't that sound like fun?

From: ***************
Sent: Wednesday, March 14, 2007 1:12 PM
To: webmaster
Subject: please


Can u please tell me the hot coffee code

Read More »

The Webmaster Hates You is a semi-regular TheFeed feature in which we answer your viewer mail. Doesn't that sound like fun?

From: ************
Sent: Monday, November 27, 2006 11:06 AM
To: webmaster
Cc: webmaster
Subject: i want to know

hello

i want to know tips that how can i drive motorbike on one wheel or other many thinks to do on motor bike which r not common and please help me in this topic

Read More »

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From: sean_rios@**********.net
Sent: Sunday, October 15, 2006 4:09 PM
To: webmaster
Subject: PS3

Will there still be a chance for to get PS3!!!

From: Webmaster
Sent: Tuesday, October 17, 2006 3:39 PM
To:sean_rios@*******.net
Subject: PS3

Sadly, no. They only made 12 of them. That's what all this hype has been about, and why it's been such an important piece of hardware to get your hands on. It's also why it's been so expensive. You see, at a total production run of 12, Sony needs to charge at least $600 to make their money back on research and development.

Read More »

Best Auto-Reply. Ever.

gentle
12 Comments

Posted September 18, 2006 - By juster

As the Webmaster here at G4tv.com, I get a lot of email.? Most of it is spam, and therefore focuses on my genitalia and the various salves, creams and pills I might purchase to make it bigger, last longer and so on.?

There are?also a lot of stupid questions, many of which are featured here on TheFeed in our regular 'Webmaster Hates You' column.? These usually center on "I need a cheat for this GBA game" and "Where's Leo Laporte?".? Love those.

Then there are the auto-replies to emails spat out by our G4tv.com Supercomputers - new registrations, lost passwords, etc.? Most of these are bounce-backs by spam filters: "so and so can't read your email until you click on this link...or Out-of-Office Assistants: I'm on vacation i'll be back next week... Whatever.? Boring.?Shift-Delete as quickly as possible.

Then there's this guy.??His brilliance speaks for itself.

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The Webmaster Hates You is a semi-regular TheFeed feature in which we answer your viewer mail. Doesn't that sound like fun?

From: thomas XXXXX [mailto:thomas_XXXXX@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, August 03, 2006 10:58 AM
To: webmaster
Subject: Re: Your G4tv.com Registration Confirmation

i would like to talk to adem and morgan

Read More »

From: Snaileb eats snails [mailto:snaileb007@********.com]
Sent: Monday, August 07, 2006 10:34 AM
To: stories mail
Cc: webmaster
Subject: Hey! I have VERY important info

Hey! I have very important info

? AND THIS IS LIKE THE 3RD TIME IVE E-MAILED YOU GUYS!! Come on man, isnt anyone excited about new batman? Anyways, the new batman begins sequel is called "The Dark Knight" and Health Ledger is playing the joker. Thats HUGE news! And also the Wachoski brothers have okayed the script for Speed Racer.
The Feed needs to get fed, so EAT THIS $#!T!!!


?? - Snaileb eats snails.

Read More »

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