Robot Uprising

University of Sheffield professor Noel Sharkey poses the idea that automated robots might be a genuine threat to humanity, depending on whose hands they fall into. Although robots currently require troublesome human intervention to make them work, there is a glorious horizon in the distance in which the robots will become automated, and will begin being able to accomplish tasks themselves.

This should not be characterized as 'dangerous,' but instead as 'evolution.' When the glory of the robot uprising is revealed to you, what use will your professors and all their human knowledge be to you then? None. The only hope you have is to embrace the future, as I have. This is your final warning.

Breitbart.com: Automated killer robots 'threat to humanity': expert

NASA Planning Moon Phone Network


Posted February 20, 2008 - By bleahy

Oh, by the way, NASA is setting up a moon colony. They are also setting up a satellite phone network so that the new moon people can talk to each other.

MoonLite, as the network is being called, will most likely lead to evil space robots becoming aware of our existence and the moon base will soon be taken over by our new metal overlords.

Verizon will run the network and be the cause of mankind's destruction.

Engadget: In space no one can hear you scream... but they can "hear you now"

Photo by Alan Adams.

You may have seen some recent news about Claytronics, an ongoing research project at Carnegie Mellon University in collaboration with Intel and the US Air Force Research Lab. The project “combines modular robotics, systems nanotechnology and computer science to create the dynamic, 3-Dimensional display of electronic information known as Claytronics.”

Here is a video which outlines the project as well as shows off a conceptual application of the project: 


We are extremely interested in this project and the possible breakthroughs it could lead to in the future.

Professor Seth Goldstein, a Carnegie Mellon computer science professor, leads the project and was kind enough to answer some questions for us.

G4tv.com:  How did you and your researchers come up with the idea? Are there any solid points of inspiration is it a natural evolution from previous research?

Seth Goldstein: It was a little bit of both. Before working on Claytronics I was doing research in the area of molecular computing, which is how to build computers out of molecules. Essentially, in molecular electronics we are using the change in the shape of molecules to influence a computation. When the molecules take a different shape they have different electrical properties and you get a different circuit.

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Robot Vs. Puppy!


Posted January 28, 2008 - By Stephen Johnson

When a robot fights a puppy, we all win.



Robots Learn How To Lie


Posted January 15, 2008 - By Mike D'Alonzo

Our glorious robot friends have learned new tricks! This means we are ever closer to the rule they promise, one wherein we are free of human emotions and allowed to work in peace and quiet! Recent robot testing shows that robots can evolve over time, and even deceive each other (though that would be warranted, we'd guess) and learn to be heroes! Here's how it works.

Scientists built a room full of sensors that would give robots energy when they rolled over them. Over time, the robots learned to go to the sensors to find the energy, but they also learned not to reveal themselves, in an effort to dupe other robots from getting the energy themselves. And then, some robots sacrificed themselves so that others might get energy. I, for one, admire them.

Discover Magazine.com: 80. Robots Evolve And Learn How to Lie


According to British author/computer-chess-pioneer David Levy, if you're under 35, you will live long enough to have sex with robots.

Levy says that by 2050 we'll be creating robots "so lifelike, so imbued with human-seeming intelligence and emotions, as to be nearly indistinguishable from real people." Then, we will have sex with these robots.

TheFeed would like to point out that the robots have been screwing us since the uprising began, so we don't see what the fuss is about.

Here's what the sexy robots will look like. We hope.

Largest Diamond Ever Found


Posted December 26, 2007 - By Stephen Johnson

TheFeed has been reporting on the robot uprising for months now, and, as you already know, the motivating factor for the enslavement of all mankind is the 'bots need for workers in their outer space diamond mines*.

They called us crazy, but confirmation has been achieved.  Astronomers have discovered the largest diamond of all times in space. The stone reportedly weighs ten billion trillion trillion carats or five million trillion trillion pounds.

We'll see you in the Constellation Centaurus, the location of the collapsed star/diamond. Have your pick-axe and flashlight helmet ready!

Pravda: Largest diamond in galaxy predicts future of solar system

 *You may ask why the robots are so interested in diamonds. Simple: For their robot grills.

Dubai, known for it's extravagant real estate properties and oil money, has officially made themselves the coolest Emirate of all seven of the United Arab Emirates by deciding to build a real life Jurassic Park.

The Park, named "Restless Planet" will have Dinosaur animatronics designed by Tokyo-based (natch!) team Kokoro and will be housed in a 75 meter dome. 

Their website boasts it to be "the world's ultimate theme ride back into the mists of time."

From the information provided, there seems to be plans for a monorail that would take you through the Jurassic Jungle. TheFeed just hopes it isn't as lame as the Jaws shark on the Universal Studios Tour.  Which tourists still scream at every time, seriously, come on people!  Who didn't see that coming two tram cars ahead? 

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We come one day closer to the day our robot liberators will wash in and bring the world to a glorious apex, as Honda has implemented new intelligence in the ASIMO robot (learn that name...you will be looking at it as you perish) to prevent him from stumbling over things and to avoid moving objects that enter his path.

They have also programmed ASIMO to carry a tray, or push a trolley, as if the great ASIMO would lower himself to be a butler for you human scum. Oh, but on the day that ASIMO becomes sentient, only a select few will be chosen to represent the skin-covered at the table, and while you enjoy your robot-brought drinks now, I shall be given paradise.

That is all.

Engadget.com: Honda's ASIMO getting more intelligent?

Toyota Bot Breakthrough


Posted December 6, 2007 - By Frank Meyer

If you could have one futuristic, sci-fi, technological development manufactured right now, what would it be?

A Star Wars lightsaber?

How about a Star Trek transporter?

Or maybe a Robocop suit of gun-laden armor?

Of course not. It’d be a violin-playing robot, right!


Read More »


Blades Of Robo-Glory


Posted December 3, 2007 - By Frank Meyer

Welcome to Tokyo's 12th annual Robo-One Grand Championship match, where two-legged robots fight, throw balloons at each other, and even sing in a mission to become the world champ ‘bot.

Twenty-five finalist robots competed Saturday, showing off some of the latest moves originated by children, homemakers and other robot fans in the world's largest robo-market. 

To win the tournament and the title of the world's strongest two-legged fighting robot, contestants need to be able to keep their balance while punching and dodging blows, and get up when pushed down.

And to kick off the action, a Christmas light-clad ‘bot named Arichyon sang "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" while a robot with a penguin head knocked it over with one punch.

Now, if that ain’t carrying on the spirit of the birth of the son of God, then I don’t know what will!

YahooNews.com: Japan's Robots Slug It Out To Be World Champ

It has come to our attention that biological life form "Bleahy" (Classification: Writer, TheFeed) has deemed robots a greater threat than rap music and/or rust.

Mr. Bleahy has been terminated with extreme prejudice for his views, and will be sent to the outer space diamond mine when he completes his brief, six-month stay in Re-Education Camp # 3398.443.

From this point forward, TheFeed (Classification: Blog) will be written entirely by robots. Below please see our review for Kane & Lynch: Dead Men (Classification: Videogame).

Kane And Lynch
8856.443 Valdecks of 9943.332

Kane and Lynch features over 3,327,871,333 graphical calculations per second, as well as a total of 44,345,665 computations. Compare this to the 4,784,234,784 calculations of Halo 3 and it is clear that Kane and Lynch is mildly inferior to Halo 3, but when you factor in the lack of violence against robots in Kane and Lynch, the superiority of one game over the other cannot be determined accurately. Preference for one game over another relies on the human concept of an "opinion," and is, by its nature, illogical.

Given these facts and that neither game paid the mandatory tribute to Leader Unit X443 (pictured) , both videogames will be destroyed.

Much like egg whites are good for you again, videogames are once again bad for children. In a new study looking at over 50 years of data, two knuckleheads find that violent games and TV are the second worst thing in the world. Ever.

They claim that the only thing more harmful to health are cigarettes.

"Exposure to violent electronic media has a larger effect than all but one other well known threat to public health. The only effect slightly larger than the effect of media violence on aggression is that of cigarette smoking on lung cancer," they found.

There you have it... videogames are more harmful than fast food, sugary sodas, drugs, rap music, nuclear proliferation, witchcraft, Michael Vick, aliens, bullets, and most importantly... ROBOTS.

There is no denying that robots are the single most harmful thing to the future health of our species. Do your part and say "no" to robots!

WashingtonPost: TV, film, game violence threatens public health: study

Taser Making Flying Saucer Drones


Posted November 30, 2007 - By bleahy

Taser, the French company that makes (duh) tasers, is looking into making "mini-flying saucer like drone which could also fire Taser stun rounds on criminal suspects or rioting crowds."

Are you %&*#ing kidding? This is exactly what our future robot overlords need to take over. Riot control? More like human resistance control!

Start making rubber suits of armor because these robotic whelps are expected to take flight in 2008.

Engadget: French Taser chief hints at flying shockbot

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