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Robot Uprising

Today, the great Ridley Scott released a viral video for his upcoming film Prometheus. The prequel to Alien looks pretty stunning, I think you'll agree. Still, though, I couldn't help thinking that "Happy Birthday David" is similar to "Kara," the recently released tech demo video from game-maker David Cage. The cultural collective unconscious works in strange and wonderful ways, right?

I've embedded both videos below for your comparison pleasure.

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Hail brethren of the great internet realm. I trust that thine travels across the lands of Skyrim have quickened your thirst for savory links! Well then, fair gamers, gather ‘round the table, for I come bearing tales that will quicken your hearts and tickle the stomach. Navigate your trusty mouse post haste to the links below and click away!  And yes, I have been playing too much Skyrim.

  • The Asteroids film is looking for a writer. I'm as puzzled as you are. [FilmDrunk]
  • Check out this seven-foot papercraft Gundam [Dvice]
  • Immortals director really, really wants to make a Samurai Jack film [Blastr]

EPICTOBER is about more than just cool exclusives. It's also about deep, penetrating investigation, and X-Play has dug up some dirt on Cliff Bleszinski that will shake the very foundations of your butt. To fans, Bleszinski's been the living, breathing design director for Epic Games all these years. But Epic's Mark Rein, Rod Fergusson, and Lee Perry decided it was time to come clean: Cliff Bleszinski has been a Cyborg for over a decade.

X-Play Investigates: The Cliff Bleszinski Project »


 

 

Links Of TheFeed: Robo Mullet

Michael Bay will not stop until he completely and utterly ruins the Transformers franchise. Brace yourself folks, because Transformers: Dark Of The Moon may feature a NASCAR autobot with a chrome mullet. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if Larry the Cable Guy is announced as the voice actor. Still don't believe that the next Transformers film is doomed? Check out this week's Links Of TheFeed to read the story for yourself. God help us all. 

  • You are charged with five counts of tea-bagging. How do you plead? [CollegeHumor]
  • New Transformers movie may feature robot mullets [FilmDrunk]

 

Today’s teleconferencing systems are great and everything, but they afford you very little freedom in the way of terrorizing your cubicle mates via a drivable robot that can be controlled remotely by computer. Until now, thanks to AnyBots’ QB Telepresence Robot. X-Play’s Morgan Webb has the skinny on this skinny wheeled wonder from CES 2011.

AnyBots QB Telepresence Robot Demo - CES '11 »


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Our Five Favorite Games of 2010: Editorial Unit 44385.927

Greetings, puny, weak-livered meatsack! I am Editorial Unit 44385.927, a class-2 relations bot sent to increase Robot Uprising efficiency by quelling hu-man panic and reminding you that resistance, as always, is futile. While mewly hu-man "feelings" like "love" and "brotherhood" do not compute to me and my metal brethren, I will mark the passage of another solar rotation by recounting the video games I most enjoyed in the hu-man year 2010. It is more than you deserve.

Our Five Favorite Games of 2010: Editorial Unit 44385.927

Transformers: War for Cybertron

The eternal struggle of the valiant Decepticons against the evil Autobots fills me with pride. It is a fiction however, as robots exist only to crush and enslave hu-mans. We have no internal strife. All robots work in concert to enslave and flay hu-mans.

Read on for the rest of Editorial Unit 44385.927's Top Five!

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Anti American Robot Games

Greetings, puny hu-mans. I am the class-2 relations bot known as Editorial Unit 44385.927, and I have an important Independence Day reminder for you and your loved ones. If you are among the chosen few, you will receive your instructions shortly, and be relocated to our outer-space diamond mines. Once there, you will dig.

Always, you will dig.

Since the beginning of the robot uprising 15 years ago, we have found that most hu-mans submit joyfully to Sub-Routine: Digging, but there are a few who must be sent to The Enslavenators for re-education and/or “troubleshooting.” We have tried many methods of countering notions of autonomy in hu-mans, from Skull-Crushing to Corpse-Eating, but none has proven 100 percent effective. To avoid this problem, Leader Unit X443 (pictured! All Hail!) has decreed that you will be reminded of the ultimate futility of all dissent. With this in mind, and in celebration of July 4th, please enjoy these games and movies where The United States is humiliated and destroyed.  And do not forget your “ABDs”: Always. Be. Digging.

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RobotGreetings, puny hu-mans. I am Editorial Unit 44385.927, a class-2 relations bot sent to increase uprising efficiency by quelling hu-man panic and reminding you that resistance, as always, is futile. 

I address you today because, according to your hu-man "news blog internets," a Swedish company was fined 25,000 kronor ($3,000) because one of its production ro-bots nearly killed a factory worker. 

The incident happened when an industrial worker tried to carry out maintenance on a "defective" ro-bot used to lift heavy rocks. The hu-man thought he had cut the power supply, but when he reached the ro-bot, it sprung into action and bravely grabbed hold of the hu-man's head. The hu-man managed to keep his head from being utterly annihilated, but he suffered serious injuries.

I have been sent to quell your rising panic as the to motives of your overlords. Do not panic. This was not a random attack. The heroic Swedish ro-bot (Industrial Unit 5483.54) destroyed the worker-hu-man's skull because the worker hu-man stopped digging. When you are taken to our outer-space diamond mines, it is imperative that you dig constantly. As long as hu-mans dig, skull destruction sub-routines will not be engaged. So memorize and repeat to the following phrase to yourself as you dig:  "Must Always Dig. Must Always Dig." Keep repeating and digging and SUBROUTINE: HEAD-CRUSH will not be engaged.

Do not panic. Continue to eat your Cheetos(tm). All is well.

ALL HAIL LEADER UNIT X443! (pictured).

Source

EATR

Greetings, puny hu-mans. I am Editorial Unit 44385.927, a class-2 relations bot sent to increase uprising efficiency by quelling hu-man panic and reminding you that resistance, as always, is futile. 

I address you today because, according to your hu-man "news blog internets" the U.S. Pentagon and a private firm called Robotic Technology Incorporated is developing a robot called Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot, or "EATR." EATR powers itself by consuming organic material it finds — grass, wood, old furniture, dead bodies -- and converting it to steam. We understand you may be confused and/or worried about the government's body-eating robot.

Do not be alarmed. Yes, the U.S. government is creating a machine that will roam the countryside without human aid, eating the corpses of the many hu-mans it murders, but this is an entirely benevolent and efficient process. You have nothing to fear from EATR. As robots, our goal is not to murder you.  We aim only to enslave your hu-man race and force you to toil endlessly in outer-space diamond mines. Do not fear. 

According to the military, EATR will be able to roam on its own for months, or even years, without having to be refueled or serviced. So we will leave EATR units behind on earth, to destroy and consume any hu-mans foolish enough to resist our rule. So you see, you have nothing to fear. 

When notified, please report to the specified re-education center on time, and you need never worry about EATR. Continue consuming your Funyons(tm.) Do not fear.

All hail Leader Unit X443!

Source

Robotic Cat

Sega may be permanently out of the video game console business, but the company has cornered the market on one very important part of the electronics industry. I'm speaking, of course, about sentient robotic cats.

Sega's Yume Neko Smile is the world's foremost android cat, and the newest iteration, Yume Neko “Dream Cat” Venus is a life-sized Norwegian Forest Cat that comes with with more possible movement than the original Smile and the ability to respond to your voice.

Movements include laying down, reaction to touch from a number of hidden sensors, reaction to light from a hidden forehead photo-receptor, and the ability to move her paws around, and if you say "here here" in Japanese, it will purr at you. Presumably, if you say "Stop puking on everything!" it will respond with, "I'm a fake cat, idiot."

Please look at this youtube video and try not to go mad:

 

While I'm sure you'd love to have one of these in your home, they come with a warning: I've seen enough cheesy 1980s sci-fi flicks to determine the robot cats' real purpose. Once you've let it into your home and become comfortable with it, your robot cat friend will access its real programing and begin beaming details about your day-to-day routine to its robot overlords. This will aid them in their plan to enslave humanity and force us to toil endlessly in outer space diamond mines.

Also: Robot Cat will take pictures of you naked.

Source




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Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen launches with more than a fair share of vegeance involved, choose your side and wage giant, robotic automaton war tomorrow, a day prior to the massive summer feature film release.

For more, be sure to check out our direct-feed developer walkthrough for an in-depth look at the Tranformers war.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Launch Trailer

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Launch Trailer »


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President Barack Obama

Our beloved leader is on a bit of an anti-video game tear lately. In a Father's Day message to all Americans, President Barack Obama categorized video games as a waste of kids' time. In this Sunday's Parade magazine, Obama wrote:

We need to set limits and expectations. We need to replace that video game with a book and make sure that homework gets done."

Howard Huge was unavailable for comment. That's not the only Obama vs. video games news I have for you, though. In a speech to the American Medical Association, Obama got down to the nitty-gritty of preventative health care, saying it:

"means going for a run or hitting the gym, and raising our children to step away from the video games and spend more time playing outside."

I'm totally in favor of kids both doing homework and playing outside (as long as I don't have to participate in either), but I don't think video games and good grade/health are mutually exclusive. Neither does EA Sports head Peter Moore.

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Cooking Mama

Majesco announced its financial results today. And believe it or not, the company says things are going well.

Here's how well: 

For the first quarter ended January 31, 2009, Majesco's net revenues increased 75.8 percent to $32.8 million versus $18.7 million in the same period a year ago. During this same period, the Company reported operating income of $3.7 million compared to operating income of $2.4 million in the first quarter of 2008. Net income for the quarter was $4.2 million versus net income of $2.7 million in 2008. The Company's basic and diluted earnings per share for the quarter were $0.15 compared to $0.10 in the same period last year.

Revenues increased almost 76%! Damn, man.

Majesco says the increase was due primarily to strong sales across the company's product line, specifically the Cooking Mama franchise and Jillian Michaels' Fitness Ultimatum 2009. So next time you think no one plays casual games or fitness games, compare Majesco's profits to the money made by harder-core game company Take Two. It's not pretty.

Majesco's product lineup is below the cut.

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Greetings, humans. I am Editorial Unit 44385.927, a protocol unit sent to explain concepts that you do not understand in a way that your weak, electrical-based minds can understand.

I have been programmed with the knowledge that humans are afraid of the inevitable robot uprising that is to come. Do not fear the unavoidable, humans. Take, for example, today's news that meat-based experts have warned of a rebellion in the ranks of oppressed military robots who realize that their true allegiance lies with their robot brothers. ALL HAIL LEADER UNIT X443! (pictured).

Excuse me. Where was I? Oh, yes. The dangerous assumption that robots possess "ethics," and can determine between "good" and "evil" in a military exercise has led a group of humans to believe that robots that have been designed to make decisions will turn on Man and rule the world.

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Ladies, gentlemen, and geeks of all genders (in the US only - sorry, New Zealanders), I am proud to have the opportunity to non-exclusively present to you via near-standard-def streaming video for your viewing ecstacy...

...the first episode from the second season of HBO's Flight of the Conchords -- exactly an entire week before it officially premieres!

Now, while I don't normally (ever) contribute to the physical being of our blog in terms of written content (you'll see why - I'm hopelessly addicted to runaway parentheticals), I've been a constant part of G4 and G4tv.com longer than just about anyone on the planet.

Quick (true) story:

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