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A New Mexico suit filed by our favorite moral crusader, Jack Thompson, has been thrown out. It called for a $600 million payment from Take Two and Sony for releasing GTA Vice City, the impetus of which was a triple homicide committed by a teen who fancied the Vice City.

After being dismissed by a New Mexico court for not having enough of a legal basis for claiming wrongful death, Thompson had 30 days to submit his appeal. That didn't happen, so the case has been thrown out, which we can only assume is way worse than being dismissed. We are not lawyers.

Nice try Jack, but no, sir.

gamepolitics.com: Jack Thompson's GTA Vice City Lawsuit Tossed Out by New Mexico Appeals Court



In what can only be a campaign to be the most annoying and smug group of people in the whole world, a mass of bike riders have taken to one of the nation's busiest stretches of highway to prove a point.

Last Friday, the "Crimanimals" took the I-10 freeway in Los Angeles buzzing around gridlocked traffic to show that bikes are better. "The freeway is the last stronghold of the car, so when you've got 30 cyclists flying down the lanes, you feel like General Custer, you feel like the good guys," said Alex Cantarero.

Click the jump for a Dennis Miller style rant.

Read More »

There are a few constants in this life. Death, taxes, and Playboy. So, when the venerable gentleman's brand loses money, you know there's something seriously wrong with the world. The bunny brand lost several million dollars in the first quarter of 2008, across all its businesses.

Seriously, if the godfather of the sexual revolution begins to lose money, can we be far from the end of the world? Pundits and economists have been pointing to economic signs that we are in a recession for the better part of a year now, but there can be no more conclusive proof than this.

Yahoo! News: Playboy posts quarterly loss, shares drop



An "expert," and we use the quotes with great purpose, has predicted that demand for the Wii Fit will be greater than GTA IV on eBay. It's not beyond us or anyone with half a brain, which is also us, that this is due to factors beyond base demand.

Could it be because anyone who wants a copy of GTA is of the age savvy enough to just go buy a copy, or maybe because old people who are going to buy the Wii Fit are ironically too lazy to get fit by exercising and diet, and therefore are too lazy to go to the f***ing Best Buy 2 miles from their house?

Also, people are going to be reselling their Wii Fit once they realize how bored they are so of course there will be more copies up on eBay. Do you know anyone who is seling their copy of GTA? NO! THEY'RE PLAYING IT!

Where are my blood pressure pills?

wiifitchat.blogspot.com: Demand for Wii Fit on eBay to be higher than GTA IV?

Wi-fi devices implanted in a human body could be used to warn doctors in the event of a health emergency, but the concept raises questions.

The device could, using Bluetooth, sense a problem in a person like a heart attack or diabetic complication and contact a doctor through a base station in the patient's home.

It would also be a great way for the robots to remotely shut down some hearts. Faster medical response is great, but at what cost?

TimesOnline: New wi-fi devices warn doctors of heart attacks

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Like a phoenix rising from the ashes... the Webmaster Hates You is back. w00t.

From: Robert H. [mailto:robert.XXXX@XXX.net]
Sent: Saturday, April 19, 2008 2:43 PM
To: Webmaster G4
Subject:

wtf is wrong

Dear Robert,

It's hard to say, as there are *so* many things wrong with the world.  Off the top of my head:

  • The economy
  • The inevitability of death
  • Dependence on foreign oil
  • The fact that the Boston Celtics are really that good
  • The death of quality rock and roll music
  • The fact that people keep letting M Night Shyamalan make movie
  • The war

Read More »

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals will be announcing plans this week for a $1 million prize to the "first person to come up with a method to produce commercially viable quantities of in-vitro meat at competitive prices by 2012."

In other words, who here among us will invent the next Chicken McNugget?

For years, scientists have worked to develop technologies to grow tissue cultures that could be consumed like meat without the expense of land or feed and the disease potential of real meat. In theory, once grown, this tissue could be shaped and given texture with the kinds of additives and structural agents that are used to give products such as soy burgers a more meaty texture.

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In accordance with the Equal Time Act of 1983 that requires we show both sides of an issue, we present 4 and 20 (24) things you can do on April 20th besides...um, celebrating in the traditional manner.

24 - Start a spelling bee.
23 - Prank call your Dad.
22 - Write a haiku.
21 - Pretend you're Canadian.
20 - Put stuff in your rock tumbler that should not be tumbled.
19 - Order the whole left side of the menu.
18 - Sell a kidney online.
17 - Hack your girlfriend's MySpace and update her mood to "pissed off."
16 - Walk.
15 - Build a Bear.
14 - Finish a spelling bee.
13 - Kiss your hot cousin.
12 - Hack 43things.com and change everyone's list to "take a Watercolors class 43 times."
11 - SuperPoke Dick Cheney.
10 - Play COD 4 with your feet.
9 - Post something REALLY boring to YouTube and give it a crazy title like, "Man Eaten Alive by Hot Chick!!!!!"
8 - Finish Super Mario Bros. without warping.
7 - Your Mom.
6 - Start a web company.
5 - Issue all the stock to yourself.
4 - Wait to get bought.
3 - Go to the mall and ask people where the mall is.
2 - Attempt to touch Weird Al Yankovic.
1 - Eat fungus.

After a long hiatus... Webmaster Hates You is back!  Its like herpes, but with less frequent outbreaks.

In this edition, your Webmaster opts to respond as if he is an automated system and something resembling comedy ensues.  This thread is posted in reverse order so you can read it from the top down.  Enjoy.

From: B & D
Sent: Saturday, April 12, 2008 2:33 PM
To: Webmaster


You suck
_____________________________

From: Webmaster
Sent: Monday, April 14, 2008 9:56 AM
To: 'BARRY'


DOES NOT COMPUTE. PLEASE REPHRASE YOUR QUESTION.

________________________________

Read More »

Flip a Bitch World Contest

gentle
4 Comments

Posted April 10, 2008 - By juster

Our dear friends over at GT Channel have just released the trailer for their upcoming "GRID Match World Flip a Bitch Contest" film.  Yes we have friends.  People like us.

You'll recognize some of the drivers here from Formula D including Daijiro Yoshihara, Tanner Foust and Chris Forsberg.

Enjoy, and please remember that these brave men are professional bitch-flippers.  Do not try this at home.  Do it in an empty parking lot.

 

GTChannel.com: GRID MATCH - THE WORLD FLIP A BITCH CONTEST

Hugh Hefner, the creator of Playboy magazine, is 82 years old today. Hefner discovered female nudity in the 1950s, and has been enjoying it since.

Of course Hef's birthday is marked on my calendar in big red letters, so I didn't need the reminder, but a reminder I received nevertheless. You see, these guys named Joe and Dave have created a reality show that revolves around the search for an apprentice for Hef. They call it You As Hugh. Please visit their myspace page, and, if you're head of development for a network, give them a major television deal worth over a million dollars... if you're not in the television industry, take a look and decide if it's a cockamamie idea or not.

Then, check out my visit to the Playboy Mansion's for Halloween in the video below. It was the best thing that happened to me that whole day.

 

Playboy's Halloween Party »


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Famous internet celebrity-stalker Perez Hilton is suing a less-famous (and less interesting and seemingly crazy) internet celebrity stalker Jonathan Jaxson.

Jaxson, who used to be the publicist for The Backstreet Boys, was all: "Hilton offered website help in exchange for sex!" on several websites and print publications.

Hilton is like: "Didn't happen! I will sue you! Also, don't post my cell number, kay?"

Jaxson goes: "I haven't responded yet!"

We are trying to come up with a scenario in which a judge sets a historic legal precedent by ordering both parties in a civil defamation suit to be set on fire.

Read the court filing at the always-entertaining smoking gun!

Perez Hilton Hates Jared Leto »


We love energy products because they make us feel tingly and special. We got a promotional kit for a new one today and we just had to share the love.

The new product is BLOW, a white powder that gets mixed in with 16oz of water and tastes like pixie sticks. It's guaranteed to get your heart pumping all while looking like illegal drugs.

It definitely provided a boost in energy and led to a lot of jokes about cocaine.

Kevin Pereira loves it! He doesn't do drugs, though. He's a winner.

Read More »

Global Language Monitor has labeled Don Imus's "Nappy-Headed Hoes" comment as the most egregious politically incorrect phrase in 2007, just behind "Ho-Ho-Ho" and "Carbon Footprint Stomping". You hear that Santa? You're almost as much of a racist bastard as Imus. For shame!

Normally we would tell you what some of the other phrases on the list were, but to be honest they're so ridiculous we don't want to give them any more credit. The number one spot was pretty well deserved, but we hear more politicially incorrect phrases every day walking around the G4 offices. Can I sue someone for that? In fact, go to their Language Monitor website and let them know that they're not doing a very good job. Truthfully, many of you have posted much more offensive phrases in our comments section. Might want to let Yahoo know.

Leave it to some adult that doesn't understand videogames to point out the obvious.

Newsflash, active games like "Wii Play and Dance Revolution" don't burn enough calories to be considered a replacement for exercise. Also, it's Dance Dance Revolution... do your research.

This all comes from Colleen Greene, a wellness coordinator at the University of Michigan. She notes that these games only burn "60 to 70 calories an hour. This is nowhere near what an actual game or sport should be, which is three to four times that amount."

So, there you have it, go play a real sport. We'll see what she thinks about Wii Fit.

ConsumerAffairs: Active Video Games No Substitute for Exercise

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