Prostate Health

Pizza delivery chain Domino's revolutionized the pizza consuming experience today by adding live, online pizza tracking to social networking sites. This new service will allow you to order pizza, then track the progress of your individual pie through facebook and/or twitter without every leaving your chair.  Domino's also announced it is the No. 1 in online ordering in the US for the first quarter of 2009. Twenty-eight percent of Domino's orders originate from the internets, which beats both Papa John's and Pizza Hut.

Please enjoy the below awesome piece of corporate-marketing-speak from Domino's official press release. It is attributed to Steve Weiss, President of Straightforward Communications, who supposedly actually said:

"Whether one is drawn by the fun of watching their pizza being built, or the efficiency of the ordering process, or the deals offered in the coupon section, or the rich data feedback of the baking and delivery process, there's more than enough appeal to make for a satisfying ordering experience for a pizza lover of any age."

But this is not all that is happening in social-networking pizza-land. In an overt act of hostility in the online pizza war, rival purveyor of nearly inedible, cheese-laden circles Pizza Hut couldn't let Domino's have a single day in the sun. They countered Domino's claim with their own social networking announcement by offering its facebook and twitter followers (over a million people) free stuffed pizza rolls. You'll find out how to get your free rolls on July 4th... because eating Pizza Hut pizza rolls is patriotic as hell.

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The jig is up, internet kiddies: The local Fox affiliate in Atlanta has cracked your important code and is sharing the info with The Man. As a public service to parents worried about their children's texting habits, MyFox Atlanta has posted a list of the 50 most popular acronyms "commonly used on the internet and in text messages." They must have done a lot of research, because these are ranked in order of popularity! So next time you type "MOOS, GYPO" into our comment section, Mom and Dad will know exactly what you said:  "Member of the opposite sex, get your pants off."

Being active members of the information super-highway patrol and avid hackers of mainframes, I'm sure you already know all these terms forward and backward, but other commonly used abbreviations Fox cited include the 17th most used acronym, "FOL: Fond of Leather," number 21 "IF/IB: In the front or in the back;" number 10 "Banana: P*nis;" and coming in at number 36,  "NALOPKT: Not a lot of people know that."

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Attention G4tv.com readers,

If you’ve been keeping a keen eye on G4tv.com and TheFeed, you’ve noticed that there’ve been a lot of changes in the last couple of months with the influx of new faces, our pinpointed direction, our story frequency, and our voice. When I was brought on as Director of Gaming Editorial for G4 Interactive, change was one of my main goals. It’s been an interesting process for the last few months, and while we’ve had some entertaining growing pains, it’s been a hell of a lot of fun to say the least.

At least, for me it has, since Raymond, Brian, Steve, Jeff and the rest of the folks have been bitching and whining the entire time. “Oh Mister Billy, Waaaaah, we have too much work to do. You expect too much. I only slept two hours last night.” Seriously?! I think I even saw Sessler crying AND HE DOESN’T EVEN WORK FOR ME. Do you believe this crap? Call the freakin’ Waaaaaaambulance.

Without getting HR into a tizzy, and potentially threatening my Thursday Bagel day freedoms, it was time to add some heavy hitters to the team.

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The Supreme Court of the United States has ruled against Fox in a case involving cussing on TV. At issue was "incidental" swearing during the Billboard Awards of 2002 and 2003. According to the Supreme court, the Federal Communication Commission can impose fines on the network for airing expletives uttered by Cher and Nicole Richie during the awards shows. Cher said, "F them!"  Richie said that getting the "S-word" out of a Prada purse was not so "F-ing" simple. Because the remarks were not scripted, the court regarded these as "fleeting" expletives as opposed to more insidious planned and premeditated cursing.

"The commission could reasonably conclude that the pervasiveness of foul language, and the coarsening of public entertainment in other media such as cable, justify more stringent regulation of broadcast programs so as to give conscientious parents a relatively safe haven for their children," Justice Antonin Scalia wrote in the 5-4 decision. He also called Richie and Cher "foul-mouthed glitteratae from Hollywood," which made me LOL.

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Have you ever tried smoking cigarettes? I have to admit, I've tried smoking. In fact, I've tried smoking like every hour or so for the past several years. Quitting is not easy, but nerdcore rapper, friend of TheFeed and all around awesome person MC Frontalot has some tips to help geeks quit giving themselves cancer. That's right, having conquered hip-hop, Front is taking on a bigger enemy: Smoking.

Front's method uses the time-tested D20 Dungeon and Dragons ruleset to conquer the habit. Whipping out a 20-sider and rolling against difficulty before every cigarette encourages both good health and ultimate dorkdom. We highly recommend you use Frontalot's methods.

Also, to distract yourself from the inevitable nic-fit the die rolls will bring to you, check out Frontalot on Freestyle 101 dropping science and massively awesome nerd-flow off the top of his bald dome.

You know what's happening right now in Florida? I'll tell you: A rhesus monkey is running riot! The adorable little scamp is "known to throw feces when mad" and was last spotted in Clearwater. Authorities have been trying to capture the monkey since Tuesday, but he has thus far evaded them, escaping a bucket truck and a tranquilizer dart.

The Florida State Congress, eager to capitalize on the fame of their new simian mascot, adopted a new, official motto for the state:  "Florida: If monkey sh*t hits you in the face, you're home."

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This time around, "Nuggets from the Nets" is a pun.  An almost-funny, poop-laden pun.  About poop. Also, the 'Prostate Health' tag has never been more approriate on TheFeed. Win!

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There are two new studies to help soften stereotypes on marijuana and red wine. These reports say both substances could help fight Alzheimer's disease and other types of memory loss.

Stereotypes go a long way to perpetuate negative notions about people, things and ideas.

Think about Cheech and Chong and what comes to mind? Pot smoking. A jobless hippie and a biker smoking copious amounts of weed. How about wine? Old ladies drinking box wine with ice cubes. And that it's not really masculine for a dude to be holding a glass of chilled chardonnay.

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Citing a lack of disclosure regarding the risks involved with popping the little blue pill, the Food and Drug Administration has forced Pfizer to pull the video game Viva Viagra, which had been linking through Forbes.com.

Now prospective Casanovas will have to warm up for the big date without the aid of this little gem, a motorcycle highway cruise that entailed avoiding obstacles while snatching up all the accoutrement necessary to any successful conquest: roses, scented candles, gift boxes, and most importantly, the Big V.

That’s it kiddies, that’s all I’ve got on this one, I’m determined to avoid all the obvious takes on this (FDA Give Pfizer A Hard Time?  FDA Lets Blood Out of All the Fun?), but if you have any ideas I’ll certainly give them a read, and then pat myself on the back for not stooping to such cheap writing.

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After several days of unsuccessful tests, a device that will purify urine, giving astronauts a critical water supply, has made a successful test. The urine processing device is but a single part of the $154 million water recycling system that will allow not only urine, but sweat and condensation to be recycled as drinking water. This will be a significant gain for the astronauts as it will free up space to allow them to carry more crew members per mission (in fact, it will double the crew for the International Space Station), and allow them to stay for longer periods.

The samples of the processed urine, sweat, and condensation will obviously be tested on Earth at first, and astronauts may not be able to use the device until development is finished next year.

This is indeed excellent news for those of us who look to the stars and long for the day when we can travel them. However, one question remains here: WHO gets the job of testing that urine purifier? I mean, the fact that there was ONE successful test was a big enough deal to make headlines. So that means every other test, beforehand, was a failure. So imagine spending all day drinking glasses of processed "pee-water," just hoping that it's pure enough, only find out again and again, that it's NOT. **Vomits**

WANTED: "Pee Drinker" - Employee will test a very crucial urine purifying device. Perks: Holidays time and a half and you can tell chicks you work for NASA.

Someone needs to call Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs.

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Martial-arts expert, world-class runner, and thespian extraordinaire, Steven Seagal is currently in production on a reality show for A&E.

Now, let's approach the story's elaboration a bit differently. I'm going to pretend to tell you a joke by pitching a ridiculous premise, and you conversely, will either laugh or just snidely think that I took the joke too far. Ready?...Okay:

So here's the pitch: We take Steven Seagal and put him right smack-dab in the middle of post-Katrina New Orleans. THEN we make him a fully-commissioned deputy for the NOPD, where the cameras will follow him around as he fights crime in real life. lulz reins supreme! SNL might actually have an idea for a funny sketch (seeing as Lorne Michaels hates him.) Well, I really must break it to you that the above pitch is FOR REAL.

Yup, this is not a joke. Remember that episode of The Simpsons where they had the "spinoffs" parody and Principal Skinner left Springfield to fight crime as a P.I. in New Orleans alongside Chief Wiggum? THAT sounds less ridiculous than this.

The show will be entitled Steven Seagal: Lawman, and is indeed taping at present. The show is scheduled to premiere late in 2009. Frankly, I don't see how you can NOT tune in to see this.

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In a move that is either a sly marketing strategy, or penance for years of countless on-stage, diva-like bailouts, Guns N' Roses (well, really Axl Rose) has debuted the 14-year in the making album, Chinese Democracy a few days before its Best-Buy exclusive November 23 release date, fully streaming it on the band's MySpace page.

So head on over there and give it a listen. The reviews have overall been, while not terrible, lukewarm. I suppose it's only natural that expectations will kill you when you wait 17 years for a follow-up album and spend 14 of those years hyping said project.

What's fascinating here, is the way that Chinese Democracy has been marketed. While fans are certainly not expecting "Appetite 2," it's reasonable to assume that its release would be a big deal. It may be a tribute to the fact that the record company felt that it was not profitable to sell this album as a physical copy in ALL stores that truly cements the beginning of the end of an era where people go to the store to buy some physical form of music. Its exclusive release with Best Buy almost seems like a rare bonus, or an exception to the norm (which would be purchasing the download of the album.)

With huge artists like Nine Inch Nails and Prince (just to name a few) experimenting with releasing albums exclusively online, the fact that you can't walk into your local Wal-Mart and buy a copy of the first new Guns N' Roses album in 17 years, is a huge statement to how the music industry is attempting to adapt to the changing world.  If Chinese Democracy had hit just 10 years ago, it would have been hugely hyped on television, with aisle displays in every store across the country, and even huge online hype. Now, it seems we have the "grassroots" strategy of selling music in a time when purchasing it seems to have lost its directness. 

Ever heard of an alert stoner--one that radiates genius wit and exceptional memory recall?

If there are truths to stereotypes, then generally the answer would be a resounding NO. We do know, however, that research suggests marijuana could prevent Alzheimer's disease, amongst many other illnesses.

Ohio State University psychologists Yannick Marchalant and Gary Wenk previously showed that memory formation in rats can be improved with the appropriate dosage of marijuana. Their latest research will be presented at the annual meeting of the Society for Neuroscience.

They are looking to prevent the inflammation-induced impairment of memory seen in normal and pathological aging.  Thus, marijuana could play a vital role in prevention of age-related neurodegeneration.

Dr. Marchalant says benefits from marijuana use wouldn't be garnered by those whose brains have already begun to deteriorate or brains that are still forming.  Rather, for adults seeking dementia prevention.

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Universal and Imagine Entertainment are looking towards yet another sequel to The Nutty Professor franchise, which started in 1996 centered on the character talents of Eddie Murphy. Reinventing the story from the original 1963 Jerry Lewis farce, Murphy turned it into the story of a shy, overweight Science Professor, who invents a formula to make himself thin and charismatic.

Will reviving the franchise do any wonders? The 2000 sequel, Nutty Professor II: The Klumps only earned a worldwide $162 million, which is a significant drop from the original's $270 million. However, Murphy's return to the comedic character/"fat-suit" genre in 2007's Norbit bowed a cool $159 million worldwide. What does that mean? Well, Norbit was not the franchise film, and considering that after a 7-year absence, it only made a few million less than the last NP film, the studio probably figured that there's a market for another one. (And sadly enough, they would be right. I mean, people actually PAID to see Norbit.)

This concludes today's lesson in why movies that shouldn't be made, get made.

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