Prostate Health

German film-maker Uwe Boll takes a lot of hits on the internet. Digitial critics hated his videogame flicks House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, and Bloodrayne, and were not shy about hurling invectives and insults?all over the cyberinterweb.

Boll got his chance to settle the score this weekend when he boxed four of his detractors, one after the other, in a series of matches sponsored by Goldenpalace.com.

As predicted and expected: Ex-boxer?Boll annihilated his denigrators. Check out the video of Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka from something awful having his bell rung:

In typical, whiny?internet fashion, some of the boxers complained after the matches about their loss. Jeff Sneider of Ain't It Cool News? told the BBC this after dancing with Raging Boll: "I think he's a jerk...This might be PR, but I don't want to keep getting punched in the head."

Lowtax's post-fight reactions on Kotaku?also suggested that Boll hit too hard:
"He kept saying it was just a PR stunt and he wasn't really going to box for real for serious blah blah blah. NEVER trust a German."

Guys? It was a boxing match. Being punched in the head is the point.

None of this changes the quality of Boll's films, however...

For more Boll goodness, read my exclusive interview with him.

BBC News: Film-maker knocks out his critics

Prostate Exams To Suck Less


Posted September 21, 2006 - By mbretz

In addition to proving that medical science and technology firms have by far the most awesomest company names around, Envisioneering Medical Technologies is set to find out the answer to the age-old question: If you build a better prostate-examination apparatus, will the world, in fact, beat a path to your door?

The new technology, called the TargetScan 3D, scopes out a complete image of the prostate in one "take", for lack of a better word, allowing doctors to leave the equipment stationary after, ahem, insertion. This is opposed to the current method, which requires the doctor to maneuver the apparatus around to get at your prostate from as many angles as possible.

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McDonald's is apparently considering serving its breakfast items all day long now. This is good news for people that consider its Egg and/or Sausage McMuffins to be better than anything else on the menu (well, except for the fries).

McDonald's CEO Jim Skinner revealed the plot on Wednesday at an investment conference, though admitted there is no timetable on this yet.

Bigger breakfast sales have been key to McDonald's recent turnaround, as breakfast has been the "strongest performer" for the chain the last three years. Breakfast sales at McDonald's took off with the introduction of McGriddles in 2003 and also jumped after the March introduction of premium coffee.

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Japanese Fetish Fever!


Posted September 13, 2006 - By Stephen Johnson

...speaking of Attack of the Show going to Japan and broadcasting from the Tokyo Game Show between September 25th and 29th so don't forget to watch it because it'll be awesome, I ran across an article and photo-essay?detailing?Japan's fetish community while perusing boing boing this morning.

Personal lubricant, transformer robots and pick axes not only allowed, but encouraged.

Mildly NSFW Japanese Fetish Culture Guide?from Radar Online.

Attack of the Show! is going to?Japan for the Tokyo Game Show and crap. It'll be broadcasting starting September 25th through the 29th and all that, so set your TiVo and etc.

Everyone on AOTS is booking their flights and getting ready to leave, and the following interesting information was sent to me: While the Transportation and Safety Administration bans axes, swords, and dynamite from all airlines' passengers' carry-on luggage, the following items are specifically allowed: Up to 4 ounces of "Personal Lubricant" and "Toy Transformer Robots."

I think Attack of the Show's production crew will have an interesting flight.

TSA.gov: Permitted and Prohibited Items

Office Mouse-Capades


Posted September 12, 2006 - By Stephen Johnson

So yesterday, I was out of the office for?my birthday.

Attack of the Show! host Kevin Pereira thought it would be funny to put my computer mouse down his pants and send me a picture of it.

I guess it was a "gift."?

Over on the right is?a picture of him committing the crime.

Well, now you can pick the mouse up on Ebay and own?a piece of internet and cable television history!

Bidding starts at $2.99, and it comes with a signed certificate of authenticity.

Ebay: A Mouse That Was Down Kevin Pereira's Pants

Saddam To 'Crush Your Head'


Posted September 12, 2006 - By Stephen Johnson

TheFeed usually steers clear of politics because our extremist views are repugnant to every right-thinking American and we need to make dough like anyone, but this is a little too funny to let slip.

Apparently at the (mock) trial of Saddam Hussein,?witness Ghafour Hassan Abdullah?taunted the ousted dictator by saying "Congratulations! You are in a cage, Saddam."

Saddam remained silent but when a lawyer later compared Kurds to freedom fighters, Saddam responded: "You are agents of Iran and Zionism! We will crush your heads!"

Who knew Saddam Hussein was a fan of The Kids in the Hall?

Yahoo!news: Witness: 'You are in a cage, Saddam'

Clay Aiken Loves Bush


Posted September 7, 2006 - By F M

The White House announced yesterday that?American Idol crooner Clay Aiken will soon be appointed to the President's Committee for People with Intellectual Disabilities.

Aiken, who once worked as a YMCA counselor, will be advising the president on issues relating to people with intellectual disabilities.

The committee was established in 1961 by President John Kennedy as the President's Panel on Mental Retardation.

Of course, he got that gig....he's a friggin' idiot!

(Get it? he's gonna work for the Committee for People with Intellectual Disabilities and I called him stupid! Isn't that funny?!?)

YahooNews.com: 'Idol' singer Clay Aiken may serve Bush

When you're disqualified from?a sex doll rafting race for moral turpitude, it's time to think about the choices you've made in your life. So I say to you, Russian sex doll rafting athlete Igor Osipov, examine yourself.

Osipov won a recent swimming-with-a-sex-doll race in Russia, but spectators reported evidence of "recent sexual activity" on his doll, which is apparently contrary to the strict rules of the contest. Osipov was disqualified from the annual race.

I don't actually think this story is true or anything, but I will have the following quote from race organiser Dmitriy Bulaviniv engraved on my tombstone:? "It's fun and difficult to swim in stormy river with an exotic apparatus, as inflatable ladies slip out of hands."

Thanks to?Feeder Ross Harman for the tip.

The Register: Russian abuses apparatus in sex doll rafting race

CNN Pees On Bush


Posted August 30, 2006 - By F M

Unaware that her wireless microphone was still on during a ladies room. break, CNN anchor Kyra Phillips was heard talking over President Bush's speech Tuesday in New Orleans addressing the first anniversary of Hurricane Katrina.

She gabbed about her husband and the marriage of her brother during her chat with an unidentified woman in the can. She even slammed men with a vulgar term, but saved her hubby from her wrath by saying she is "very lucky in that regard. My husband is handsome and he is genuinely a loving?-- you know, no ego?-- you know what I'm saying? Just a really passionate, compassionate, great, great human being. And they exist. They do exist. They're hard to find. Yup. But they are out there."

She also added that her brother needs protection, saying, ""brothers have to be, you know, protective. Except for mine. I've got to be protective of him."

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Imagine this, but on fireI love the circus. It's so much fun to go and watch all the different acts. I think my favorite is the elephants. They're so majestic and they stand on two legs and it's amazing. It's even better while I'm eating cotton candy and sno cones and wishing that the ringmaster will pick me to ride in his trolley. Also, I always open the program and see that little slip of paper you can fill out to have them contact you about actually joining the circus. I fill out my name, but nothing more.?

You know what else I love? The smell of roasted clown and the looks of hundreds of horrified children as they watch their innocence melt away like rotting, make-up covered flesh in an incident they will tell the police about 20 years from now as they confess to killing that lovely neighbor boy "because their insatiable need for?man-meat?had reached an uncomfortable crescendo and could no longer be ignored."

But that's not all. They don't even touch on the most horrific part of the story in the article--little Billy's mom bought him regular yellow sheet cake instead of the ice cream cake with the fudge and crunchies in the middle like he asked for, so when the hot air balloon exploded, killing the clown and filling the tent with the smell of sorrow, it only added to the hollowness inside Billy's heart.

AP: Kids Watch As Clown Is Crushed to Death

Penis Pumper Busted


Posted August 24, 2006 - By Stephen Johnson

How's this for embarrassing: You're traveling on a plane with your Mom, and the security screeners notice the penis pump in your carry-on. The screener is like: "What's this?" And you, embarrassed as hell, mumble: "pump."

The security officer mis-hears you and thinks you said "bomb."

Then the police are called and the story is posted on the internet.

That's exactly what happened recently to Mardin Amin.

On behalf of all the internets, let me just say: "Ha HA!"

Chicago Sun Times: Evidence ruled sufficient in penis pump case

Magician David Copperfield told Reuters the other day that he found the legendary fountain of youth.

"I've discovered a true phenomenon," he said. "You can take dead leaves, they come in contact with the water, they become full of life again. ... Bugs or insects that are near death, come in contact with the water, they'll fly away. It's an amazing thing, very, very exciting."

Very, very exciting. I need to change my pants.

yahoonews: David Copperfield says he's found Fountain of Youth

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