Prostate Health

So I'm checking the internets for videogame news and I run across an article from Excite News.

Basically, it's a pretty standard take on how advertisers are inserting more clever ads in videogames... not really news, but hey, whatever.? But then I?read the following awesomely clueless paragraph:

"In many games, players who enter the top-secret "cheat code" could become invisible, get unlimited ammunition or play in an all-powerful God mode. Or they'd play for hours until discovering brightly decorated circles or balls - known as Easter eggs - that unlocked bonus points, monster-slaying swords, extra lives or infinite health."

Good job, Excite News! I'm off to hunt for Easter Eggs!

Excite News: Advertisers Exploit Video Game Secrets

Filled with crushing defeats and stirring victories, 2007 has been one of the most awesome years since your mom invented the Julian calendar is 1088. Who could forget the way Nancy Pelosi and her adorable Democrats took over the congress and vowed to spend their first 100 hours creating legislation? And who doesn't remember where they were when Gerald Ford was buried? And how about USC's stirring victory over Michigan in the Rose Bowl? Those were, as they say, the days.

With the weight of history on our shoulders, TheFeed is proud to present the following best of 2007 list:

Best Video Game:? Karaoke Revolution Presents: American Idol

2007 brought a tough choice for?Best Game?between the winner and runner-up, Yu-Gi-Oh! GX: Spirit Caller for the DS, but in the end, singing along with our American Idols won out over whatever Yu-Gi-Oh is.

Best Film: The Cleaner

The nation is in love with Cedric the Entertainer! His wit and girth has taken the lower 48 by storm and he didn't even need to flash his self-addressed stamped envelope (like some people we know) to get our attention. This was definitely the movie of the year, if not the century. And man, that Lucy Liu is hot! WOWIE ZOWIE! She hasn't aged a bit!

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• A Brazilian man's attempt to dissasemble an RPG
• Two Brits who tried to make their own lightsabers out of fluorescent tubes and gasoline
  
• A Pastor who, despite his claims, couldn't walk on water. Or swim.
  

TheFeed is proud to bring you our horoscope for 2007. Set your sextants, friends. This is the real deal about what's going to happen to you this year.

Happy New Year from TheFeed!

ARIES (Mar 21 ? Apr 19)
You have been beat down so many times, you may think you have lost your will. But this year you will thrive in your relationships. Your knowledge of game cheats and your extensive library of porn are an inspiration to others, and your skepticism is contagious. You enjoy decorating your home with fascinating art objects. This year your plumbing will be good and your hands will be swift, use them wisely.

TAURUS (Apr 20 ? May 20)
Stuck in a flame war? This year it is time to shut down and re-boot. Suddenly your problems will be less tricky and those challenging puzzles you've been trying to solve will start to have clearer answers.? If you stop being a droid, others might actually find you interesting. Start by switching up your IM photo with something mildly original - and no, a photo of you touching yourself is not acceptable.

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Paul McCartney is making a musical loosely based on his own life, which will open, potentially, in Liverpool in 2008. The story will follow a character named Shanty, a Liverpudlian who marries his sweetheart and finds difficulty dealing with life and a career.

No word on whether or not Shanty will end up a billionaire who whines about how difficult it is to have a life and a career. Seriously, I love you, Paul, but you can't pretend, even through another character, that you're just a regular guy trying to deal with the stresses of this world.

Now, if it were about a decent rich guy who gets blinsided by a one-legged slut golddigger, I would certainly grant you your wheelhouse.

New York Times.com: A McCartney Musical

The holidays can be a little tricky for a number of reasons, not least of which is consuming mass quantities of things designed to make you happy and then miserable. I'm talking about large quantities of food, alcohol, and sh*t christmas movies.

This helpful little article is filled with things you can do to help your body cope with what you put it through during the holiday barrage of badness.

For example, if you're feeling like?you're carrying a little extra weight, drink water and it'll help you clear the salt from your system. Or if you're suffering from stress because your family sucks, why not try taking a walk to clear your head?

Here's my tip: If after the company christmas party you mysteriously come down with a horrible case of strep throat, get the Z-Pack from your doctor and wear a hoodie to work. It's for the best.

CNN: Seasonal Hangovers: Tricks to Help You Power Through

...and brought me Strep Throat.

Just in time for Christmas.

I am cranky.

That is all.

A teenager convicted of the cold-blooded murder of a homeless man petitioned a Florida court for a change in his sentence this week. According to convict Warren Messner's suit, jail is just too hard for him.

Messner's in the pokey for 22 years because he?and a couple friends?killed a local hobo in the woods by beating him repeatedely before Messner delivered the deadly coup-de-grace by jumping on the rummy and crushing his rib cage.

"I want to be an inspirational speaker for troubled teens," Messner told the court yesterday.

According to Lori Messner,?the lovely kid's mother: "He's not getting the mental health, the schooling. He's not getting anything, anything but locked in a cell all day long."

The judge in the case agreed with Ms. Messner that little Warren is not getting anything but locked in a cell all day. But refused to lighten the sentence. He pointed out that being locked in a cell all day is the whole point of prison, and that Warren should look forward to?22 year's worth of days locked in a cage without schooling or mental health.

WFTV.Com Teen Murderer Says Jail Is Too Hard, Appeals Sentence

With the prices of PlayStation 3s falling since launch day, two-bit eBay moguls are resorting to desperate measures to unload their "investments" of mass-market electronics.

What's the cheapest way to get a little extra?play for your PS3 auction? Wheedle your girlfriend or wife into modelling with it!

I scoured eBay for all the pictures of PlayStation "hotties" eBay had to offer, then I asked?Dvinson to help caption them.?I hope you enjoy.

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Oh, boy.

So it's November Sweeps here in the TV biz. That's the time when networks pull out their big ratings-grabbing stunts in order to pull in larger numbers of viewers so as to increase the amount of money they can charge advertisers.

The upside of this is that you can expect to see lots of local news anchors being shot with Tasers (quality viewing no matter how you slice it).

The downside is that some networks will stoop to shocking levels of poor taste like, say, the FOX network (as if you couldn't guess) airing an interview with O.J. Simpson IN WHICH HE DESCRIBES HOW HE WOULD HAVE KILLED HIS WIFE AND HER FRIEND!!

You know, had he done it...

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It's one thing to experience an elevated heart rate while playing a nerve-fraying survival horror game like, say, Fatal Frame. It's another thing entirely to get your ticker working overtime to such tame fare as Tak 2: The Staff of Dreams.

But thanks to The Oceana Trading Company, your little brothers and sisters may soon be doing just that, courtesy of the UK company's Step2Play exercise machine.

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Famous game-hating attorney Jack Thompson is like a Darren on Bewitched; you never know what kind of trouble that loveable scamp is gonna find himself in!

His latest wacky misadventure took place in a Florida court where Mr. Thompson was at a contempt hearing springing from his recent attempt to have the sale of?Rockstar's Bully restricted in Florida. Apparently, Thompson wrote a strongly worded letter to Ronald Friedman,?the judge in the case. So strongly worded was the missive, that Friedman called Thompson in for a contempt hearing.

Check out the courtroom?video on Destructoid.com.

TheFeed is very impressed with Thompson. You can hate him all you want, but it takes brass balls to talk to a judge the way Thompson does. He's mad as hell, and he's not gonna take it anymore!

Anyone who complains that you never hear about the thousands of people each year who defend themselves and their loved ones with firearms, this story is for you...

...you and all the bad ss, motherf*&$ing baby sitters from Idaho who?have?the balls to shoot?a 422 pound Brown Bear that wanders into their backyard, endangering the lives of three innocent children!

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Man, you people in the middle of the country are frickin' weird.

And stupid: A theater owner in Orange City Iowa was apparently so offended by the name "Jackass 2" that he changed the title to "Jackbutt 2."

Nevermind that "jackass" is not a curse, and is?another name for donkey; ?it has the letters "a" "s" and "s" in order, so it must be changed to the filthier-sounding "Jackbutt"

From now on,?my favorite movie from the 80s is?Tag: The Buttsassination Game, I will only do homework buttsignments, and I can't wait until Buttsassin's Creed comes out.

?Also, if you live in Iowa, don't vote anymore. You obviously can't handle it.

Flickr: jackbutt two