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Lowlife

Everything I need to know I learned from the streets (except for my spelling and grammar and stuff, which is sometimes so bad I might as well have) and it warms this big baller's heart to know that soon children of every economic status will be learning the very same lessons I did.?

Antoin Thurman, a true life Arizona pimp will be lending his presence to an educational video intended to teach young people about the manipulation, abuse and misery that go hand in hand with the pimp and hooker?lifestyles.

The $42,000 production will be finished by January, after which 1,500 copies of the DVD will be distributed to schools and other public facilities.

Man, I know that this video is intended to keep 15 year old cheerleaders from becoming trick turning skanks, but I can't think of a better pimp training video than this. Well, maybe any one of Snoop Dogg's music videos, but other than that, this is the pinnacle of pimp educational aids.

azstarnet.com: New video, including pimp interview, warns teens of prostitution dangers

Trapped in the Clauset

gentle
10 Comments

Posted December 15, 2006 - By juster

If you're not familiar with R Kelly's 'Trapped in the Closet' self-described "rap opera" you're missing out.?? As far as I'm concerned R can piss?on underage girls all day long if he keeps cranking out this kind of unadulterated genius.? Seriously.?

You can relive the magic on YouTube here.

G4tvdotcomian 'beastdragon' sent us the links to this Santa-themed three part parody over on Ebaum's World... 'Trapped in the Clauset'.? Enjoy.

?

?

Hit the jump below for the other two chapters.?

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Is The Internet Addictive?

sjohnson
7 Comments

Posted December 14, 2006 - By Stephen Johnson

Is internet addiction really an addiction? That's the question being posed by a wrongful termination lawsuit filed recently against IBM.

By his own admission, former IBM employee James Pacenza enjoyed the internet porns. He often cruised sexually explicit websites at work, and a co-worker noticing the illicit typing led to Pacenza's termination in 2003.

Pacenza contends that he is addicted to the internet, a problem stemming from the post-traumatic-stress disorder he picked up while serving in 'Nam. If Pacenza had been addicted to a "traditional" substance, his employer would have been obligated to?provide him with medical help and could not fire him for the problem.?IBM, as you'd expect, differs on the termination, categorizing Pacenza's at-work internet usage as bad decision making as opposed to a medical condition.

Expert opinions differ on whether internet addiction is a "real" addiction, and businesses are understandably doubting the veracity of internet addiction claims. Pacenza's lawsuit may settle the issue, at least in a legal sense.

Are you addicted to the internet? God knows I spend all day using the internets, but I look forward to not being hooked up... at least for a few days. Then it's back on the horse.

?Business Week: Virtually Addicted

Handcuffs for Christmas

EMorton
21 Comments

Posted December 6, 2006 - By Eugene Morton

In probably the most disturbing story to trickle through the Rock Hill, South Carolina Police Department in many a year, last Sunday a 27 year old, single mother had her twelve year old son taken into custody for opening up his Christmas present early. The future felon was arrested on charges of petty larceny for unwrapping a frickin' Nintendo Game Boy!

Perhaps he should be thankful he didn't get a lump of coal for Christmas. His psycho mom would have probably taken it to his cranium. Expect the boy to grow to hate his mother, turn that rage on society and cost tax payers thousands of dollars in court and prison costs. Merry Christmas.

thesmokinggun.com: Boy Arrested For Opening Xmas Gift Early

Just when you thought your day couldn't get any more delicious, a Dayton woman has been arrested and charged with killing her baby...by microwaving it to death.

About a year ago, China Arnold brought her lifeless, 28-day-old baby, Paris, to a Dayton emergency room. The child died at the hospital where the cause of death was listed as "thermal injury." A strange diagnosis because, as far as anyone knew, the baby had never been to space or placed in a nuclear reactor. China was taken into custody and questioned, but never charged with endangering her child's life.

Now, unfortunately, China is headed to jail, but what an ingenious move microwaving the baby was! It was so smooth it took the Dayton police department over a year to figure out what happened, which is baffling considering the baby arrived to emergency room in a patented Hot Pocket crisping sleeve.

WDTN: Mother Accused Of Microwaving Her Baby To Death

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Oh, boy.

So it's November Sweeps here in the TV biz. That's the time when networks pull out their big ratings-grabbing stunts in order to pull in larger numbers of viewers so as to increase the amount of money they can charge advertisers.

The upside of this is that you can expect to see lots of local news anchors being shot with Tasers (quality viewing no matter how you slice it).

The downside is that some networks will stoop to shocking levels of poor taste like, say, the FOX network (as if you couldn't guess) airing an interview with O.J. Simpson IN WHICH HE DESCRIBES HOW HE WOULD HAVE KILLED HIS WIFE AND HER FRIEND!!

You know, had he done it...

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Reveling in the misfortune of others is part of TheFeed's unique alternative lifestyle, so today's news of? the disgrace of Colorado mega-church pastor Teg Haggard fills us with great joy.

Haggard, a leading religious conservative, stepped down from his pulpit (and presidency of the National Association of Evangelicals) after accusations were made by a male prostitute that Haggard had been paying for sex with men on a monthly basis and taking methamphetamines.

Like Ted's flock,?the congregation of the New Life Church, I am intensely religious;?I attend services and?pray daily that Cthulhu will rise from his watery grave in the sunken city of R'lyeh and enact his unspeakable revenge, so I have no problem with people practicing their religion of choice. And I have no problem with gay people either. Some of my best friends...etc.

But when you're?a huge?supporters of anti-gay marriage legislation because you worry?that gay unions will destroy the institution of marriage, and at the same time?you are (allegedly)?cheating on your wife with?hustlers and doing crank, the problem isn't your ideology as much as your hypocrisy.

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Bodog Takes Bets On PS3

sjohnson
11 Comments

Posted October 26, 2006 - By Stephen Johnson

The internets are full of experts who know everything about everything (take a look at all the wonderful programming suggestions on our message boards if you don't believe it), and now videogame pundits with important opinions on the PlayStation 3 will have a chance to put their money where their collective mouths are.

Gambling site Bodog.com is taking bets on the PlayStation 3. So if you're a gaming know-it-all, pony up the dough and make a killing on these propositions:

  1. Will Sony reduce the $499/$599 price tags on Playstation 3 (PS3) before the expected United States launch date of November 17th, 2006?
  2. Will the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) approve Sony's Playstation 3 for release by November 17th, 2006? 
  3.  Which Sony Playstation 3 game will sell the most copies on the expected United States launch date of November 17th, 2006:
  • Madden NFL 07 1/1
  • Need for Speed Carbon 9/2
  • Resistance: Fall of Man 11/9
  • The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion 9/2
  • Ridge Racer 7 4/1
  • Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six: Vegas 15/2
  • NBA Live 07 11/1
  • Tiger Woods PGA Tour 07 11/1
  • Sonic the Hedgehog 15/1
  • F.E.A.R. 19/1

Psssst... Hot tip: The smart money is on No, Yes, and Madden. Although, I'd hedge with a very small bet on Tiger Woods. See, I have this feeling that the price and scarcity of the console will result in a huge majority of rich people picking up the system. And rich people love golf.

(Please don't actually bet on anything I suggest. I am an idiot.)

Bodog.com 
 

Nevada is a wacked-out state. You can go to Vegas and walk around the streets tipping a bottle of bourbon, gamble away your child support payment, then drive out to Henderson for a quickie with a couple of sloots in a brothel and it's all perfectly legal. Encouraged, even.?

But if you're popped with even a trace of weed in your car, it's a felony.

But the marijuana part of the equation just might change on November 7th. The voters of the state are set to determine whether it will be legal for Nevada residents to possess up to an ounce of pot (which is a lot, trust me) that will be purchased from government-run marijuana stored?and taxed.

It's high time a law like this passes. (Get it? "HIGH" time? Am I right guys?)

What do you, TheFeed reader think? Pro-pot? Anti-pot? Don't care? Let us know, below.

Associated Press: Nevada to Vote on Legalizing Marijuana

Tags: Lowlife, News

The International Federation of the Phonographic Industry (IFPI), the consortium that represents the world's music companies, announced today they are instigating 8,000 lawsuits against alleged file-sharers in 17 countries. The suits -- both criminal and civil -- are part of its effort to stop online piracy and encourage the use of legal download services.

The IFPI said some 20 billion songs were illegally downloaded last year worldwide , with over 1 billion music tracks illegally downloaded in Brazil alone.

Wow! Who knew Brazil rocked so hard?

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Maybe you've heard about actor Dustin "Screech" Diamond of? TV's Saved by the Bell?having shot a?sex tape.

Well it's available now, for the curious, the bored, and the incredibly sexually frustrated. Porn company Red Light District is releasing the piece of cinema history in stores and on the web.

TheFeed are big fans of Screech, and we can't wait to watch his amorous cavortings and sexual couplings with comely young females. Good for you, Dusty!

We're going to visit local X-rated emporiums to purchase the tape and give it the full review it deserves.

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Alleged alcoholic gay pedophile Congressman Mark Foley has a new accusation to fend off...that he was a roadie for the Allman Brothers!

It turns out that Foley was an "honorary" roadie for the veteran hippy jam band in the early 90s, when he was a state senator in Florida. Foley once described the gig as "wild" and "crazy" in an interview.

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Tags: Lowlife, Music, News

It takes a lot to raise the collective eyebrows of the island nation of Australia. We're talking about a place where they throw Little People across the room for sport, after all.

That being said, the Lee jeans company has succeeded at riling up the Aussies with their latest ad campaign that some contend veers a little too close to the realm of kiddie-porn. The so-called "Lolita" ad poster (pictured) has come under fire for its soft-core hallmarks and awesomely-clever innuendo (you see the lollipop she's licking?! There's a double-meaning!! I know, I didn't believe it, either.), not to mention the youth of the subject and the creepy guy with the camera in the mirror. (The "creepy guy in the mirror" is internationally renowned,?artistically-creepy photograher Terry Richardson. Ed.)??

That said, Australia's Advertising Standards Board has ruled that the poster is not in violation of any... well, advertising standards.

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Tags: Girls, Lowlife, News

Weezer Sues Miller

sjohnson
11 Comments

Posted October 3, 2006 - By Stephen Johnson

Culturally irrelevant rock band Weezer sued Miller, the King of Beers on Friday for unlawfully using the their image in print ads to promote beer.

Okay, Weezer, that first album with the "Sweater Song" and "Buddy Holly" on it?is a rock classic, full of enough great song for me to overlook the fact that your lead singer's response to becoming a huge rock star was to swear off sex and try to find himself. I can even forgive the most recent, totally lackluster Weezer album.??But suing a beer company is taking things too damn far.

I know you're all sensitive and wear important designer eyeglasses and stuff, but it's beer! Surely you're not so emo you don't like beer?

Say it isn't so, Weezer!

Also of note: Mentioned in the suit is the fact that Weezer appeared in the magazine ads with "other bands and musical performers with whom [Weezer] do not wish to be associated in any advertisement"

Who those bands and perfomers are remains a mystery, but apparently, Weezer is too damn good for them.

Eonline: Weezer: The Beer Lawsuit

Man, you people in the middle of the country are frickin' weird.

And stupid: A theater owner in Orange City Iowa was apparently so offended by the name "Jackass 2" that he changed the title to "Jackbutt 2."

Nevermind that "jackass" is not a curse, and is?another name for donkey; ?it has the letters "a" "s" and "s" in order, so it must be changed to the filthier-sounding "Jackbutt"

From now on,?my favorite movie from the 80s is?Tag: The Buttsassination Game, I will only do homework buttsignments, and I can't wait until Buttsassin's Creed comes out.

?Also, if you live in Iowa, don't vote anymore. You obviously can't handle it.

Flickr: jackbutt two

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