Baby's Life A-Shambles

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Posted July 9, 2006 - By F M

Babyshambles frontman and chronic drug taker Pete Doherty recently acknowledged his relationship with supermodel Kate Moss is on the rocks. "It's right and wrong, up and down," said Doherty, 27, when asked by the BBC about their relationship. The former Libertines mainman says he will always love Moss, but that their relationship going through a rough patch. "She's had enough, I think," he admitted. "I love her bones, I always will." Buddy, you took the words right out of my mouth.

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Tags: Lowlife, Music

You think you're a pretty good poker player? I bet you're the type to go super agressive and bluff the first hand with an all-in bet no matter how the cards look, trying to double or triple your money upfront by suckering someone to take the bait, or stealing the blinds and show everyone that you're a badass with no fear.

Also, you probably brought a cigar, though you've never actually smoked one, and you brought a bottle of scotch that you're desperately hoping no one will notice?you wincing over. Oh, yeah. You've got poker down, my friend. Even though people go their whole lives without mastering it, you think you've got it beat because you've watched Celebrity Poker Showdown on TV.

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Tags: Lowlife

Surprise, surprise...the Anheuser-Busch endowed Professor of Brewing Science at the University of California has come out and said that beer is a much better alcoholic choice than wine, because the health benefits of beer actually outweigh those that wine offer.

The professor cited that soluble fibre, vitamin B12, folic acid, niacin and antioxidants are present in higher consentrations in beer than they are in wine. So if you're going to drink, drink beer and if you're going to drink beer, make it a Budweiser.

This is like saying, if you're going to take the world's biggest gun and shoot yourself, you should just go ahead and do that.

Wait a minute.

The Register: Beer better for you than wine: official

Tags: Lowlife

Help Wanted


Posted June 28, 2006 - By Dana Leahy

From the press release...

"Online sex toy retailer LoveHoney.co.uk is advertising what could be the most unusual job ever. The company is searching for a sexually active couple who will be prepared to test a new pill designed to change the taste of semen.

The pill, which is taken as a twice-a-day for 30 days, claims to mask the traditionally salty taste of male ejaculate with a refreshing apple-like flavour. Successful applicants will take the pill for 30 days and will use an online blog to provide a blow-by-blow account of how the taste of their partner's sexual fluid changes."

I volunteer Steve Johnson and Mike D'Alonzo.

Response Source: Sperm Tester Wanted - Sex toy retailer LoveHoney.co.uk launches unique job search

For $5,000 you can have your own, custom designed,?lifelike silicon replica of a woman. It has real weight, real hair, real...orifices.

These "Real Dolls" are supposedly going to change the way people have fake sex with themselves, totally replacing inflatable blow up dolls. I don't think so. If someone has $5,000 to blow on a big doll, don't they have the $5,000 to hire a hooker or seduce some sort of gold digging woman with fake boobs who would be impressed by a guy with $5,000 to throw around?

Wait a minute. A thought is forming in my head. Maybe it's not a matter of getting actual girls to go out with them; maybe it's the fact that the girl is totally static that turns them on the first place. I mean, why put up with some whiny bi*ch when you can have all the good parts of her cast in silicon? They'd never disappoint you.

Do they make a ken model?

Yahoo! News: Silicone doll promises to keep the party going

Tags: Lowlife

Get the Bucket...


Posted June 28, 2006 - By Dana Leahy

...was my first thought when I read that Britney Spears was posing nude for Harper's Bazaar and the pictures were available on the internet.

I don't know if you've seen our fair Britney lately, but she ain't looking so hot. The once toned, trimmed and svelte vixen has been a blur of smeared red lip stick, ill-fitting clothes and horrible choice of life mate. Great. Naked and pregnant with ne'er a scrap of clothing to cover her jiggly body by Venti Frap with extra Whip.

But friends, life is filled with surprises, and this one is a happy surprise.

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I don't think we should pay attention to Michael Jackson, but I feel I owe it to the world's children to point out that Michael Jackson? moving to Europe to revive his career.

Lock up your daughters!

Reuters: Michael Jackson moving to Europe to resume career

Tags: Lowlife, Music

Rose Bites Man

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Posted June 27, 2006 - By Stephen Johnson

Washed up rocker Axl Rose allegedly?bit a hotel guard over the weekend in Sweden.

The 44-year-old has-been spent a little time in jail, and has been fined $5,500. was also ordered to pay $1,360 to the guard.

That he bit.

I'm going to start calling them Gums and Roses.

Yahoo!: Axl Rose to pay guard he allegedly bit

Tags: Lowlife, Music

Bad Food Reviews


Posted June 27, 2006 - By Stephen Johnson

As a public service to Feed readers the world over, we're tasting disgusting snacks so you don't have to.

Today's snack: Clamato Tortilla Chips


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Watch out Wisconsin! As if it didn't suck enough already to be stuck in the state with ball freezingly cold winters, you could now be charged with rape for helping a girl get drunk.

Wisconsin law makers are expanding current date rape laws that regulate things like roofies and tranquilizers, to include plain old alcohol.

All right, since I'm the woman around this joint, I feel the need to comment on this sensitive issue. Here's my thesis:

If you stand in the middle of the highway, you are bound to get hit by a car.

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Okay, there's no evidence other than a vaguely worded job posting on Rockstar Games' site, but?that hasn't stopped the speculation from hitting the?internet that the next installment in the?violent, perfect videogame series Grand Theft Auto will be a Massively Multiplayer Online game.

There will almost certainly be some kind of online play in the new game, but maybe, just maybe, gamers' dreams of living full-time?in a violent, urban nightmare where murder is commonplace and hope is unknown will come true.

I'm not sure whether the game would work as an MMO. Melding the drudgerous, geeky,?time-consuming leveling work integral to successful MMOs to the anarchistic, hedonistic?world of GTA seems an impossible marriage: Killing 1,000 hookers to get 'hood XP in GTA would be just as boring as raising reputation?by?killing 1,000 Furblogs in WoW after, say, the first 500 hookers.

But hey, what do I know? Maybe it'll be awesome if it happens.




Emil Grandbouche?was a school bus driver in Akron, Ohio. One day, he was sitting under a tree waiting for the kiddies to get out of school drinking something out of a water bottle. He told the kids it was "apple juice on the rocks." Knowing better, and perhaps being little alcoholics themselves, the kids went and got a cop who administered a sobriety test.

Emil failed the test and right about the time he was supposed to be safely delivery school children home to their parents or the latchkey kids home to AOL chat rooms, he was arrested. Afterwards, cops found weed in his self-proclaimed man purse.

But it gets better.

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Porn Wins! Porn Wins!


Posted June 13, 2006 - By Dana Leahy

Hollywood is?getting a lesson in copyright protection from North Hollywood. The big studios are looking to porn to learn how to protect their creations from copyright infringment.

This unlikely partnership is leading to innovations in the areas of digital downloading blah blah blah. Here's a list of other areas where porn could help Hollywood:

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Tags: Lowlife, Movies

Are You Kidding Me?


Posted June 13, 2006 - By Dana Leahy

In a recent survey conducted by Esquire Magazine, a group of men 25 and up were asked to pick their ideal dinner guests--one male, one female--from a list.

The female?choice, Condoleeza Rice, won out over Oprah Winfrey, Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston. Ok, that makes a lot of sense. Although many men would probably want to sleep with?Jolie and Aniston, they wouldn't want to have to sit through dinner with them. Oprah is just annoying, so Rice seems like a logical middle ground.

However, when asked to choose the male guest, you guys voted for...wait for it...

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Well, well, well, what do we have here...seems some Internet start-ups are giving the Guinness Book of World Records a run for its money.

Several companies, such as Record Holders Republic, are attempting to steal Guinness's thunder by certifying their own World Record holders and it's starting to lead to some confusion in the record setting world.

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