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Epic Fail

The UK Sun is reporting some hefty "Batman 3" rumors implying that director Christopher Nolan has signed none other than Eddie Murphy to play the role of The Riddler and that Shia LaBeouf would be on board for the role of Robin. It is critical to emphasize the part of the sentence that says "the UK Sun is reporting."

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History was made last weekend at the box-office: Worst opening for a major film...EVER. (For "Very Wide" releases of 2,000+ theaters.)

Above is the trailer for an animated feature called Delgo. It is the end result of a $40 million dollar investment, nearly 7 years of hard work from an independent Atlanta-based animation studio called Fathom, and a somewhat impressive cast of voice actors that includes Malcolm McDowell, Val Kilmer, Freddie Prinze Jr., Jennifer Love Hewitt, Kelly Ripa, as well as being the final work of Anne Bancroft who died in 2005. Now, there was just a slight problem: No one even knew the film existed, much less that it was released.

Entrepreneur Marc Adler decided that he wanted to direct and produce a big-budget animated feature (which, unless you have been living under a rock, make HUGE money at the box-office.) The problem was, after all the money and hard work he could not get anyone to distribute the film. So, being young and assertive, he says "f-it!" and distributes it himself. Well, the results speak for themselves.

Domestic Weekend Gross: $511,920

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Film director (using the term in the loosest sense) Uwe Boll is getting his very own film festival this Wednesday at the Downtown Independent in Los Angeles. In addition to showing off Boll's previous "works", the event will feature the "world premiere" of the Far Cry movie. I'm not sure how this qualifies as a world premiere since the movie was already released in Germany. Then again, I'm not sure how most of Boll's products qualify as movies. According to the Downtown Independent's site:

"That's right -- the notorious director is getting a retrospective at the DI... includes screenings of Bloodrayne 1 & 2, Alone in the Dark, Postal, and many others... culminates in the premiere of his latest epic -- the Vietnam War set TUNNELRATS... filmmaker himself will be in attendance."

If anyone happens to be attending the event, it might be a good idea to bring a few bushels of rotten tomatoes. I'm not telling you to actually bring them (or actually throw them at Boll). I'm just saying that it might be a good idea.

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I'm going to file this under "painful" or maybe "dear lord why are they doing this to an anime series I loved so much?!?" The latest trailer for the live-action movie Dragon Ball Evolution has been released and...it's a good thing I didn't eat breakfast because it would have ended up all over my keyboard.

 

There's just so much wrong with this trailer. Where do I begin?!? Why is Goku an adult? This is Dragonball, not Dragonball Z. Goku is supposed to be a little kid that still has a monkey tail! There's no evidence of Kuririn (Krillin) being in the movie. He's not in the trailer and he's not listed in IMDB. Kuririn is a huge part of Goku's life and it's a shame that he's apparently not in the movie. Chow Yun-Fat is awesome, but isn't he a tad young to be playing Master Roshi? The last part might be my hang up, but when did Goku become white?


This movie has "epic fail" written all over it. What do you guys and gals think?
Tags: Epic Fail, Movies

Director Uwe Boll has been ordered by a court to pay $2.1 million to Fantastic Films International per the judgment of a breach of contract and libel claim filed by the company. It has been found that Boll broke worldwide exclusive rights owed to Fantastic Films by either taking away the agreed rights, or outright not paying them for their cut of the distribution returns from 45 countries. 

Included in the part of the judgment for libel, was a $200,000 payout to Fantastic Films owner Roxane Barbat for e-mails that Boll sent to potential buyers which apparently made false claims about the company.

You know what? Sure, the man takes video games, puts them in film, then butchers them into mediocrity. But in a way, Uwe can be viewed as the world's most powerful conceptual artist. This is but a price one pays for one's art. Think about it. Much like the defiance of the conventional by the Dadaists of the early 20th century who stood on the brink of a newly-branded mechanized destruction at the hands of the First World War, Uwe is an anti-artist. He somehow takes "good" concepts of the world that are non-tangible, "abducts them" through media, and makes them "un-good." It's his artistic stamp, his mustache on the Mona Lisa, if you will. He is giving the cruel world a proverbial (and often literal) middle finger. One day, original film cells from House of the Dead will grace the Louvre. 

...Right?

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Universal and Imagine Entertainment are looking towards yet another sequel to The Nutty Professor franchise, which started in 1996 centered on the character talents of Eddie Murphy. Reinventing the story from the original 1963 Jerry Lewis farce, Murphy turned it into the story of a shy, overweight Science Professor, who invents a formula to make himself thin and charismatic.

Will reviving the franchise do any wonders? The 2000 sequel, Nutty Professor II: The Klumps only earned a worldwide $162 million, which is a significant drop from the original's $270 million. However, Murphy's return to the comedic character/"fat-suit" genre in 2007's Norbit bowed a cool $159 million worldwide. What does that mean? Well, Norbit was not the franchise film, and considering that after a 7-year absence, it only made a few million less than the last NP film, the studio probably figured that there's a market for another one. (And sadly enough, they would be right. I mean, people actually PAID to see Norbit.)

This concludes today's lesson in why movies that shouldn't be made, get made.

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The Mayor of a city in Turkey called Batman, is suing The Dark Knight director, Christopher Nolan for copyright infringement. Huseyin Kalkan, the "Bat-Mayor" wants some "bat-compensation" from Nolan and the producers of the film for using his city's name without permission. (Coincidentally as the film's take is about to pass the 1 billion dollar mark.)

Justice at last! That dirty wretch, Christopher Nolan! How dare he not take into consideration the great cultural heritage of the city's name  (which it adopted way back in ancient 1955.) And curses to Bob Kane for using black magic to precognitively create his Batman character 16 years before that time! Did he have any decency? Thank goodness someone informed the good Mayor of this "Batman" character's existence or this injustice would have went unavenged.

Kidding aside, Mayor Huseyin has apparently tried this before. According to the super-reliable Wikipedia:

He first gained international notoriety after it was revealed that he had filed a lawsuit against DC Comics for using his city's name in their Batman Comic book franchise. In 2007, DC Comics confirmed that they had settled with the city for an undisclosed amount. In February 2008 the mayor was sentenced to 10 months in jail for promoting terrorism. Prosecutors speculated that Kalkan may have used money from his settlement with DC Comics to fund terrorism.

If indeed this is true, then someone needs to add "a pair" to his or her Christmas list for someone over at DC. This is beyond comical. I would hate to think that I'M financing terrorism when I pick up my Blu-Ray copy of TDK. (Well, I'm freaking getting it anyway, but still...)

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UPDATE: So apparently what just about EVERYONE reported (due to producer Avi Lerner) about Brett Ratner being confirmed to direct the new Conan film has now been shot down. In a recent interview, Ratner has stated that he is not committed to the film, and in fact, is looking towards Beverly Hills Cop 4. Says Ratner:

Let me make this very clear, I am not doing Conan now. This is totally premature. For now, Conan is only a development deal. I have a deal at Paramount and I'm doing Beverly Hills Cop first, no matter what. Avi [Lerner] shouldn't be telling you or anyone else in the press what I'm doing.

So the director's job for the upcoming film is still up in the air. I'm sure we can find someone out there who is devastated by this news, right?

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Nugget From The Net

Baxter
1 Comment

Posted October 31, 2008 - By Joseph Baxter

Happy Halloween, G4 viewers.

This little nugget from the net comes to us from the Rubies costume company and if you can't already tell, it's Princess Leia in her "slave" outfit from Return of the Jedi, an outfit in which any guy would be lucky to have his girl dress up before a romantic evening. This one however, is for your dog.

People...please do me a favor. If you decide to dress up your dogs tonight, do avoid dressing them up as one of the most definitive iconic images of sexuality in cinema history. It's wrong in ways that are frankly too numerous (and too obscene) to list in this little posting.

I don't want to see your Chihuahua in the Dr. No Honey Rider bikini with the dagger strapped to its side. And I certainly don't want to see your Shih Tzu in a red bikini à la Phoebe Cates emerging from the pool in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

WTF?!

Whoever said America is the capital of ridiculous lawsuits might want to reconsider. In the UK, an eBay seller is looking to take one of his customers to court for libel over some bad feedback left on his ebay account. Yes, you read correctly, over some bad eBay feedback.

When Chris Read received a cell phone he purchased for £155, he said it was not only scratched and not in the new condition in which it was advertised, it was also the WRONG PHONE. Not wishing to get stuck with something that he did not order, he sent it back, got the refund, then left negative feedback on the seller's profile that said the following:

"Item was scratched, chipped and not the model advertised on Mr Jones's eBay account."

Well apparently the seller "Mr. Jones" did not take very kindly to this seemingly honest recount of the transaction that took place, and he wasn't going to take it:

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By the end of this week, the Elite XC MMA organization will close its doors for good. If you know nothing about this sport and what this means, let me break down the story real quick here.

Picture this: You're an MMA organization trying to compete with Dana White and his virtual monopoly with the UFC. You sign Internet sensation Kimbo Slice and attempt to make your mark by pushing him as your poster boy. Show after show you have him destroy ham and eggers and people past their prime. Over and over pessimists dismiss your poster boy's abilities and say that any "real" MMA fighter would plow through him. You of course, dismiss it. The next big marquee, money-making fight is the legend, the "World's Most Dangerous Man" Ken Shamrock (who as it so happens, hasn't won a fight in about half a decade.)

Fight Day 10/4/08: Shamrock is injured and can't compete. The show's booked, the sponsors are locked in, we go on the air LIVE in a few hours on CBS network television, and a show without your poster boy as promised would be suicide. Enter Seth Petruzelli, an unknown fighter with a brief, unsuccessful stint in the UFC stepping in for Shamrock.

14 seconds after the Ref starts the fight...IT'S OVER! Your poster boy is knocked out on his ass! Every bit of credibility you wished to have for your organization is gone! You've got nothing. This, after a previous bad television deal, shows that have been hemorrhaging money, and an ambitious, costly, but unsuccessful website that attempted the "social networking" route.

No disrespect to Kimbo, he was in a tenuous position, and I'm sure he'll fight again. However, it was the (ultimately vulnerable) HYPE from Elite XC itself that created this problem and has now left top Female MMA attraction Gina Carano among others on the roster without a home.

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Epic Fail: Olympics

sjohnson
57 Comments

Posted August 14, 2008 - By Stephen Johnson

We've got a bad case of Olympic Fever around these parts. We're junkies for the Games, whether it's watching mixed-doubles badminton at 3AM or synchronized diving with Norway. But in spite of the fandom and excitement around these games, they ain't perfect, so, in the interest of complaining, we'd like to present our Epic Fail: Olympics!

Sexism In Women’s Beach Volleyball -- Like all good Americans, I’ve been following the  sporting triumphs of our historic, awesome women’s beach volleyball team of Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh. Walsh and May-Treanor haven’t lost a set in over a year. They’re gold medalists, heavily favored to repeat their 2004 performance and take home another gold for our country. Definitely on par in athleticism, skill and accomplishment with anyone at the games—or anyone at all. They are two of the best athletes in human history, no joke. But NBC’s sports commentators continually and obsessively focus on who they’re married to.

You can’t watch a couple sets of women’s beach volleyball without learning that Misty May-Treanor is hitched to Florida Marlins catcher Matt Treanor. And Kerri Walsh is married to volleyball player Casey Jennings. Much is made of the tape Walsh wears on her finger so her wedding ring doesn’t slip off. These facts are repeated endlessly by NBC’s sportscasters in spite of them being irrelevant to the game, as if the important thing about these two are the men they’re married to and the fact they're straight. Meanwhile, I know nothing at all about who Michael Phelps is married to, what his wife is like, how his wife feels about him swimming, etc. It’s a clear double standard, and it sucks.

I do not like to have my enjoyment of women’s beach volleyball sullied by sexism.
--Stephen Johnson

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Tags: Epic Fail, Sports

This year's Comic-Con was as massive, exciting, breath-taking and amazing as a good issue of She Hulk. But it, like everything, wasn't perfect. Please enjoy our personal list of Epic Fails from Comic-Con 08!

Trailer For Punisher: War Zone:  Don’t get me wrong, the last Punisher movie starring Thomas Jane was pretty bad. I mean come on, John Travolta was the bad guy. But the moment I saw the cheese-metal saturated red band, Comic-Con 08 trailer for Punisher: War Zone, it made me miss Thomas Jane and a gothic Rebecca Romijn Stamos. First of all, they might have helped Ray Stevenson look more like the original punisher from the neck up, but that’s where the similarities end. Second, they made the skull on his costume dark grey on black, so you only really see it once in the trailer when the lights go out and it flashes white in the darkness, which defies all laws of light refraction.

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Epic Fail: E3 08

sjohnson
32 Comments

Posted July 24, 2008 - By Stephen Johnson

With E3 08 behind us by nearly a week, it's time to sit back, reflect and take stock of what we thought were the low-lights of the Electronic Entertainment Expo. The show as a whole was, IMO, pretty great, but not perfect, so please enjoy Epic Fail: E3 08, and add your own impressions in our comment section!


Little to no Booze or Booth Babes: E3 used to be a party. Every year I would take two days off work, take the subway down to the LA Convention Center, and start drinking at 10am. I would eat bad cafeteria food, play video games with my friends, and collect free swag all day long. To make things even more fun, there was always a large number of incredibly attractive women in very revealing outfits who were paid to be there. And in that sea of nerds, I look like Clive Owen by comparison. This was a yearly event of daytime drinking, video game playing, and out-of-my-league flirting. I was a king for a day, and nothing could bring me down from that thrown.

Now given I was working E3 this year instead of just attending it, but the vibe was lost. The front bar wasn’t open, the beer table was not outside the cafeteria, and I saw ONE booth babe. One. And it was just in passing. For shame, ESA; you have taken away the one event that made me feel cool and attractive. I’ll see you guys at Comic-Con.
--Patrick Roche-Sowa

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It's E3 time, everyone, that week every year where the videogame world is bombarded with can't-effin'-believe it announcements, trailers and news. But it's not all double-plus-win. Along with the bombshells come the inevitable bombs, those announcements that fizzle out like wet firecrackers or blow up in your face like dry firecrackers you thought were duds. In that spirit, please enjoy our list of Epic Fail E3 announcements!

Duke Nukem Forever (E3 1998): Ten Years. Yes that's right, it's been a whole decade since 3D realms showed us a demo of Duke Nukem Forever at E3 1998. You could almost feel the collective game-world clench its massive buttocks together in excitement for the sequel of the century...but then, nothing. For ten long years the sequel to seminal blockbuster FPS Duke Nukem has been plagued by endless delays and crushed hoped, and the waiting goes on until this day.

We love Duke Nukem: his swagger, his chicks, his killer quotes. But how many stellar FPS titles has come out since 1998? There's Halo, Half-Life came out later that year, heck, Counter-Strike wasn't even out at that time. So if this game ever does come out, it better make us run out of gum, cause we just want to kick some ass and stop chewing all the BS.
--John Manalang

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