Hot Chicks Rob Bank


Posted February 28, 2007 - By Stephen Johnson


When hot chicks rob a bank, TheFeed is there.

The above photo was captured from a security camera at an Acworth,?Georgia grocery store. Authorities say the two women pictured above?walked into a Bank of America kiosk at a Kroger's yesterday, handed a teller a note demanding money and walked off with an undisclosed amount of cash.

They are apparently between the ages of 16 and 24 and wear designer sunglasses. It does not appear that they were armed. They are, however, fabulous, much like Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality 2.

The Smoking Gun: Bug-Eyed Bandits Sought

Tags: Cute, Girls, News

Old People Love The Wii


Posted February 22, 2007 - By Stephen Johnson

Like many of you, TheFeed loves making fun of old people: We're certain we will never fall into the trap of aging and never have to suffer the inevitable decline in physical and mental powers that comes with it, so ha ha @?old people.?We can't quite manage to find anything funny about the news coming out of the Chicago Tribune, though.? See, at the Chicago-area Sedgebrook? retirement community, geriatrics are playing The Wii in great numbers.

"I've never been into video games," 72-year-old Flora Dierbach told the Tribune while playing Wii Sports: Bowling. "But this is addictive...Sometimes, on Saturday afternoons, the residents'?grandkids come play with them."

The plucky elders dig the Wii so much they've been known to yell "23-Skidoo!" and?organize bowling tournaments in the recreation room.

TheFeed really thinks you should call your grandparents, maybe bring them a Wii and play some golf. They don't ask a lot of you, and eventually, they'll die.

Chicago Tribune: Wii bowling knocks over retirement home

Tags: Cute, Videogames, Wii

We're breaking into TheFeed's usual programming schedule to make an urgent announcement: Today is free pancake day at the International House of Pancakes.

In celebration of Mardi Gras, anyone, even you, is welcome to partake in a free short stack of pancakes just by walking into an IHOP. Go ahead, just step in there and be like, "Gimme some free pancakes, biotch, now! And don't skimp on the see-rup, neither!"

The promotional pancake give-away will be going on until 10 PM tonight.

According to IHOP's press release: "For centuries, the English have 'flipped' for pancakes in celebration of Shrove Tuesday, which heralds the beginning of fasting during Lent. Long ago, strict rules prohibited the eating of all dairy products during Lent, so pancakes were made to use up the supply of eggs, milk, butter and other fats... hence the name Pancake Tuesday. The tradition and lore behind this 'delicious' holiday would make for an entertaining (and informational) sidebar story."

Say, now that you mention it, that would make for an entertaining and informational sidebar story! Our readers will "flip" for it! I like that kind of story "batter" than other kinds; it really "stacks" up. Not to get all "syruppy," but I love learning about Shrove Tuesday...


Tags: Cute

Shel Silverstein Online!


Posted February 18, 2007 - By Frank Meyer

Um...I stumbled on this site recently and you should probably go check it out…seriously...


Tags: Comics, Cute

TheFeed does not have a bald spot. It's a solar panel for a sex machine, baby.

We won't be needing a laser comb, thank you. But If you are insecure about your thinning pate, you should check it out.

Ordinarily, you'd be thinking "It's a rip-off!" but in this case, the comb with a frickin' laser attached to it has been approved by the FDA based on clinical tests that indicate 93% of test subject showed an increase in hair growth an average of 19 hairs/cm.

Lasers are pretty awesome, I think you will agree.

Engadget: HairMax LaserComb now FDA approved -- no, really


TheFeed has been eagerly awaiting the premeire of The Half-Hour News Hour, Fox News' attempt to?storm?the fake-comedy-news beachhead made famous by Stephen Colbert and John Stewart, so we're very excited that the first clip has surfaced on the YouTube.

?The show, co-produced by Rush Limbaugh and the producer of 24, is surely making Stewart and Colbert shake in their proverbial boots. Time to start looking for?new jobs, fellas.

Check it out yourself, and bask in the hilarity!

Tags: Cute, Videos

Howard's End?


Posted February 14, 2007 - By Frank Meyer

Last night, the king of all media popped the question to his future queen, G4's own Beth Ostrosky.

Yes, the Filter host is engaged to the Sirius Satellite Radio host, though no date has been set. This will be Ostrosky's first walk down the aisle, but Stern's second. He was divorced from first wife Allison in 2000 after 20 years of marriage.

Stern bought his bride-to-be a large, specially deigned emerald cut diamond ring and said on the air that he proposed to her in the nude, with an erection.


Postchronicle.com: Howard Stern engaged

It's Valentine's Day, and if you don't have anyone to git' with, TheFeed suggests enjoying the following ladies.

Our friends at CraveOnline sent over this video parody of the Victoria's Secret lingerie show...it's kinda like if those catalog girls were actually cool instead of stuck-up cheerleaders with bulimia.?Plus, guitars to drool over.

We know you, and we know you'll click on this video, Athough it is Not Safe For Work!

Crave Online: Funny Videos, Sexy Videos, Music Videos, Movie Trailers, and More!

Tags: Cute, Girls

This weekend I was falling-down drunk in New Mexico, and I thought, "Well, it's 5 AM and I lost my house in a game of 3-card monte. I think I'll just finish off this pint of wood alcohol and drive home. If I don't go blind!"

But then, when I visit the brothel's restroom, the urinal cake starts talking to me.

"Don't drink and drive, loser," the?minty smelling cake told me.?

I know God is everywhere, but in my urinal cake? Apparently, so I didn't drive home. I drove right to a local church and got religion. Now I'm a snake-handler.

It wasn't until I sobered up a few days later that I realized it wasn't God talking to me from the bog, it was one of 500 talking urinal cakes the state of New Mexico ordered to keep drunks from killing people with their cars.?Presumably, the cakes are urine operated.

The battery powered nag-machines will be installed over the next few months in NM bars and restaraunts.

FYI: Even though they call them urinal "cakes," they don't taste delicious at all.

KOAT: Talking Urinal Cakes Offer Drinking And Driving Advice

Oh, brave NASA Astronauts,?how will you fill us with wonder?next?

First you orbited our world, the only people ever able to see England and America at once;?then?you took?Man's first halting?steps on the moon, (and the first steps into our future); ?and now you've driven?over 900 miles with a BB-Gun, a roll of duct tape and a hunting knife in a quest to kill your romantic rival. Fly on, brave space flyer!

The heroic American hero who bravely undertook the latter mission was Shuttle and Space Station?astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak, whose courage and steely determination?will serve as an inspiration for us all. Nowak was carrying a new steel mallet, knife, rubber tubing and large garbage bags on her way to visit Colleen Shipman,?a woman she felt was a romantic rival for the dude?she liked, Navy Cmdr. William Oefelein.

Novak drove to Orlando (home of the moon launch!) fromHouston (Which had a problem!) wearing a diaper so she wouldn't have to stop the car, and eventually confronted Shipman in an airport parking lot. The brave astronaut sprayed an unnamed space-chemical in her rival's car, and then fled. Police were called and Nowak is being held on $25,000 bail to be charged with attempted murder.

Reach for the stars, space lady!

CNN: $10,000 bond set for astronaut on attempted murder charge

It's Friday, so I thought I'd point you to a link full of fake videogame boxes entitled "Truth in Video?Game Titles." Enjoy.

Something Awful

Tags: Cute, Videogames

Bah-ha-ha! Yahoo News is reporting the case of three thieves in Lindenhurst NY who decided to pilfer a bunch of electronics from the?Town of Babylon Public Works garage.

No big deal, right, except the electronics they lifted were GPS devices. The cops were quickly able to trace the signals to the ingenious criminals' hideout.

Slow clap.

Yahoo!News: GPS devices lead to suspects' home

Escaped Chimp Goes Domestic

1 Comment

Posted January 17, 2007 - By mbretz

Normally, we at TheFeed would take a story such as the following and attempt, at times in vain, to rub a little snark into it and mine us some comedy gold. In this case, however, we can't possibly come up with anything more hilarious than what the Associated Press has already given us in their opening sentence:

"An escaped chimpanzee at the Little Rock Zoo raided a kitchen cupboard and did a little cleaning with a toilet brush before sedatives knocked her out on top of a refrigerator."

Told you.

Click the link for more.

Boston.com: Escaped chimp gets snack, cleans bathroom

Tags: Cute, News

"There's only one way to manage wolves in Idaho, and it's to get rid of them."

These are the words of hunting outfitter Ron Gillett, a man consumed with a kind of utter disdain for wolves not seen since Mick McAllister and the Dragons. The Associated Press-described "self-described wolf fighter" is leading the charge to convince Idaho voters that their state would be better off if its wolf population were eradicated.

The state government of Idaho began introducing Canadian grey wolves into the state in 1995 after the animals had approached extinction due to over-hunting. A decade later, the wolves are thriving and, according to Gillett, are eating too many elk and livestock.

Read More »

While Tickle Me Elmo's remained a hot item this Christmas, Elmo's personal life has taken a serious and challenging turn. Sesame Street is?aired a TV Special entitled, When Parents are Deployed, starring Elmo and his family. In the half-hour special, Elmo will learn that his father has been deployed and what that means for their family unit.

The Elmo segments?are intercut with stories from actual families with parents serving overseas. The show?is designed to help kids who are struggling?with parents serving abroad. In Elmo's storyline, the Armed Forces aren't specifically referred to, but it is heavily suggested that Elmo's father is headed for lands similar to Iraq or Afghanistan.

The special is hosted by Cuda Gooding, Jr. and?aired last night on PBS.?

NY Times: Promise Me, Elmo, You'll Stand Tall and Be Proud of Your Dad

Tags: Cute, News, TV
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