A couple of days ago we talked about some of the most rampant RPG clichés and the several instances they can be found in the video game universe. And while it’s fun to laugh at these overused situations, it’s important to remember that some of your favorite characters actually commit serious crimes during their journeys. Deadly serious. Here at G4 we’d like to remind our readers to keep on the straight and narrow, so consider these infractions fair warning: these are three of the top crimes RPG protagonists commit.
The overworld music suddenly takes a shift for the merry, the skies brighten, and plenty of small one-room businesses start to populate the area around your hero. Marching triumphantly through town, smiling at each bystander, surveying the land for the nearest inn…these are all activities the hero performs when venturing into a brand new town (or any area remotely resembling civilization.) The weapon and item shops call out to the beleaguered adventurer, and so does every single household. Houses and other private establishments are fair game.
It’s perfectly acceptable to swing open a door and walk right in, hang out on an old mother’s bearskin rug, and chat her up about the evil that’s suddenly befallen the city. Or talk to her about how her son’s missing and you’ll probably be the person sent to find them. Whatever. The fact still stands that the hero was not invited into these homes and this certainly wouldn’t fly in real life. Walk right in to a random unlocked household with family inside and see how fast the cops get called. We’re thinking immediately, unless the person of the house is busy playing Minecraft. Still pretty quickly, though.
It’s never enough to walk into a villager’s house uninvited. No, heroes need their filthy, grimy hands all over all of the belongings within. Potions, herbs, even the owner’s life savings – gone in an instant into the hero’s inventory for their personal use. While most of these items are usually worth little in shops or in terms of battle and exploration, they fall under the category of petty larceny and just being rude. aYou weren’t really going to do anything with that cooking pot. And put that bromide of Lucia away. That’s just indecent. While you’re at it, stop rummaging around in bookshelves and plants for scraps. Aren’t you the Chosen One destined to save the world from being plunged into darkness? Put back that loaf of bread. That’s all that family had to eat! And don’t pretend you considered anyone’s feelings when pilfering their cooking materials in Skyrim. Pfft. Criminals.
Think about it. Basically every random encounter and/or enemy who doesn’t directly approach you with the intent to harm you suffers aggravated assault by your hand. Your deadly weapons and your spellcasting…how do you know the Slime was going to attack you? Your pre-emptive strike was an assault. Those poor, defenseless monsters. We’re sure they’re going to see you in court. And they’ve got some great lawyers.
I don't want to say I've been looking over your shoulder as you tramp through your fantasy-land of choice, but I have it on good authority that you've hit "Save" and then tried to murder everyone in town -- men, women and even chilidren -- just to see if the game would let you or if you could get away with it. You can argue that it doesn't count once you reload your pre-murder spree save, but the fact is, you are a murderer. Probably a serial killer.... but I won't tell anyone if you don't.
Consider yourselves scared straight. What crimes have you seen broken time and time again as you wander the countryside?
Brittany Vincent is a freelance writer who routinely eviscerates virtual opponents and tempts fate by approaching wayward Zoloms. A connoisseur of all things bloody and bizarre, she's available to chat via Twitter @MolotovCupcake, and is always ready to take on new projects. You can peruse her archived work at PfhortheWin.com