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Absolutely Accurate 110% Scientifically-Proven Indie E3 2011 Predictions

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Posted June 1, 2011 - By Rob Manuel




Absolutely Accurate 110% Scientifically-Proven Indie E3 2011 Predictions

E3 2011. It’s that time of year when all the game companies sweat and toil for weeks on end to deliver that one golden moment of gaming greatness to the ravenous public known. Yes, Virginia – this truly is a nerd’s Christmas. It just so happens to also be that time of the year when gaming journalist get to pander to a rabid public ready to digest any morsel of sensationalism. So to keep indie games in the spotlight, I have decided to create my own unfair and off-balanced predictions for the coming E3. Just like the professionals, I’m taking a kernel of truth and twisting it so hard that the screenshots come out with stretch marks. Read on for my full list of E3 Indie Prognostications.

Here’s everything that’s absolutely maybe happening in the world of indie gaming sometime around the time of E3.

  • Hot on the heels of Mojang’s announcement of the android version of Minecraft hitting Sony’s Xperia Play before any other device, Mojang will announce an exclusive partnership with Sony to produce more content for their new mobile device. With the market for mobile games growing and Mojang already expressing interest in co-developing new indie titles, it only makes sense that Sony would want to put a powerhouse behind their fledgling phone. In other news, the number of traffic accidents caused by “people looking for redstone ore” will increase by 1000%.
     
  • Waiting to get your hands on Skyrim will take about three hours. Getting your grubby little thumbs on the new Nintendo console will take a better part of a day. The line for the indie game Kiss Controller already has people camping out. Don't believe me? Get this: someone has made yet another virtual bowling game, and for once, I wouldn’t mind getting some hands-on time with this one. As one would expect, you control the angle and speed of the ball with your tongue – firmly shoved into the mouth of a girl. Sensors placed around the girl’s mouth react to position and motion of your tongue. If you happen to take a peek at this video, you’ll notice that the guy’s eyes are firmly glued on the screen instead of the girl. Just a week after E3, the largest case of mono on record will mysteriously breakout across the country. Three gaming journalists will die from the outbreak. They will have no regrets.
     
  • Bastionalong with Hawken and a couple of other indie games, will come out as big titles for gamers to keep their eyes on. As these smaller developers become popular with a larger audience, bigger publishers will start to incorporate these titles as they look for the next Limbo or Super Meat Boy. Already, EA has taken steps to promote indie titles. Sony will bring in another team as big as thatgamecompany and Q Games to continue to create PSN content. Microsoft will finally give Ska Studios the money and advertising that they deserve. Everyone else gets a pony.
     
  • During a game of Humans Vs. Zombies, someone’s feelings will get hurt when they realize that they’re not that ready for the coming zombie apocalypse. It always happens.
     
  • Some guy waiting to play Modern Warfare 3 will see Skulls of the Shogun instead and decide that maybe RTS games are pretty cool after all. This undead samurai title takes elements of turn-based gaming along with real time action as you take on a horde of undead warrior. Take them out and use their skulls to upgrade your units. He will download it once it comes out.
     
  • During E3, someone will lose all bowel control while playing Deep Sea. This audio-only title requires players to place a gas-mask over their face to block out all other light and sound. Inside, the sounds of a deep-underwater exploration will waft into their ears. Screams of terror and the bellowing on a monster will follow them as they try to escape. Boxer shorts will become the hottest swag at E3 this year.

What do you think about indie games at E3?

Absolutely Accurate 110% Scientifically-Proven Indie E3 2011 Predictions
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