Happy Valentine's Day! The best holiday of the year is finally here and I'm so excited to celebrate 24 hours of hearts, the color pink, chocolate, flowers, cute boys, frilly underpants and judging other people for their inability to maintain any sort of emotional relationship with another human being. Yeah, I’m talking about those people who get all mad and denounce Valentine's Day, calling it some sort of fictional holiday that only promotes needless consumerism. To those people, you're just bitter because you weren't smart enough to manipulate the opposite sex into buying you presents.

It's also the day where I think about which video game character I'd totally want to make out with (but not really because making out with fictional characters is worse than writing slash fiction), especially with all the new games that came out since Valentine’s Day last year. I mean, really. Nathan Drake was so 2010. Here are my top picks for video game Valentines of 2011.

Fingers crossed that they'll send me something this year!!!

Ezio Auditore da Firenze, Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood

So like, do I even need to explain why I would totally go out with Ezio? For one thing, he's Italian. Italian guys have like the sexiest accents ever. Secondly, he's a nobleman which means he has money. Third, he lives in the Italian Renaissance. That is SO cool because that's like getting to live in a real life Renaissance Fair ... right? Anyway, the downside is that I don't really know what he looks like because he's always wearing that weird hood over his head but I'm hoping that I'd be able to change that along with the rest of his wardrobe. That's what girlfriends are for, right? Ezio has an ass that I would like to creed. What does that even mean?

John Marston, Red Dead Redemption

I was never really sucked into Red Dead Redemption like everyone else on the planet (the old West looks way too dirty and unsanitary for me) but I know a hot guy when I see one. and John Marston is like totally someone I'd have a crush on. I know, he really needs to shower and maybe floss his teeth. I don't even want to think about what it would be like to French kiss him but when he risked his life to save Bonnie whatever her name was (I don't really pay attention to ugly girls), I totally swooned. He's also the perfect guy to go camping with because he's really good with guns and can stab a bear. It's true. I saw it once, even though killing animals is really mean unless you make hamburgers out of them.

Angel, Dance Central

All of the characters in Dance Central are super cocky. Like, I'm all for self-confidence and being proud of your own achievements, but the dancers in this game take it way too far. Have you seen Taye? She sounds like she’s about to cut someone's face because she just did the Torch move so well. Um, calm down, lady. I can do the Torch and the Puppet Drop but you dont' see me calling myself the best thing ever (even though I know I really am). They all make my eyes roll when I play, but Angel is the one that makes me want to dance even better. He's like a Latino dream come true: suave in his white suit, sweet with his stylish fedora hat and he even has a sexy scarf on! That’s so cool! Who wears a scarf when they go dancing? I don’t know! But I like it. Maybe it’s really that cold where he's from? Where is he from? He's like a mash-up of every stereotypical Latino heartthrob, and that's totally okay by me.
 

Alan Wake, Alan Wake

I wasn't too thrilled with how Alan Wake turned out but I was totally okay with Mr. Wake keeping me company while I had to deal with the scary darkness throughout the game. Creativity is always a turn-on and I loved how he was a famous writer, because that's like the coolest celebrity you could go out with. It means he's smart, can type on a computer and knows how to use a flash gun. Skills like that come in handy all the time.

Plus, being a famous writer means he’s kind of a nerd so he’s less likely to cheat on you and have it end up on the cover of Us Weekly. I mean, has Stephen King ever cheated on his wife? And if he did, would Star Magazine even care? Probably not. He’s not even that cute. Anyway, another big plus for me was the fact that Alan was so nice to his wife. If I was married to someone who was scared of the dark (I mean, really, the dark? How old are you?? Seriously.), I'd dump them in a heartbeat. But Alan was so nice; he stayed with her and fought scary shadows with chainsaws and all that stuff. That is SO sweet.

Kat S-320, Halo: Reach

I don't really usually go for girls but it's rare that we get to see a female in the Halo universe. Cortana doesn't count. She's just a stupid computer program, but don't think I haven't noticed that she's extremely hot as well. But, getting to play alongside this non-virtual, female Lieutenant Commander was totes awesome. She has a robot arm, too. Yeah. A ROBOT ARM. Imagine the crazy stuff she can do with this cybernetic appendage! I'm talking about helping you carry heavy grocery bags around and win arm wrestling bets, you pervs.

Terrence Sweetwater, Battlefield: Bad Company 2

This Valentine is Nikole's because we had this long conversation listing the pros and cons about Terrence Sweetwater. Sweets is like the best of both worlds: he's a man in uniform and he's a nerd. That means he's like the skinny dork who got stuck living in the football frat and all the bigger guys like to push him around but all he wants to do is stay at home, read comic books and watch Woody Allen movies. So adorbs! Terrence, I'd be happy to do all of that with you once you get home. Seriously. But maybe not the comic book part. And not Woody Allen. He’s too neurotic. And lose the glasses. They’re kind of dorky. Actually, just wear your uniform all the time, try not to talk too much and we’ll be okay.

So, I know you've given this serious thought. Who would you like as your video game Valentine this year?