Shocking but true: I've never drank a Mountain Dew before in my life. My mom never approved of neon yellow soda, and though I'm a full fledged adult now, the rule still applies...unless it's got the Halo: Reach logo plastered all over it.
Yesterday, we received a mysterious Halo: Reach Honor the Code kit courtesy of Mountain Dew and Doritos holding just that: six different flavors of the go-to drink for gamers attempting to pull an all-nighter of Firefight and two bags of chips to round up a healthy, nutritious meal. If that wasn't enough to make us feel special, the kit also included special "Honor the Code" cards of each new Halo: Reach character, describing their positions, background and birth date. (Did you know Commander Carter was a Leo? That means he's super charismatic and positive thinking!)
As fans of Halo: Reach, we thought it appropriate to don our Mark V helmets, reload the assault rifles and take these drinks out for a taste test ride on the company Warthog. We met back at base camp to compile our thoughts and here's what we found.
Mountain Dew "Regular" featuring Noble Team Leader Carter S-259
Classic, surgary flavors with a hint of citrus and a nice, fizzy finish. Just like Commander Carter, there's not much to remark upon but it gets the job done.
Mountain Dew "Voltage" featuring Electronic Warfare Specialist Kat
The bright blue color of Voltage promises a raspberry citrus flavor, but the taste only reminded us of an icy Slurpee made from leftover Halloween candy. There's nothing wrong with that. It was like a handful of glowing plasma grenades stuck to the roof of your mouth--and who doesn't like that?
Mountain Dew "Code Red" featuring Assault Specialist Emile
Oh, Code Red: the soda that every man swears by, because somehow the supposed "cherry" taste adds a unique fruity touch. We may be a team of Spartans hardened by years of alien warfare but the flavor of fruit punch always brings back childhood memories of...whatever Spartans used to do when they were kids. Were they ever kids? I don't know. Code Red is hands down our favorite with its perfect blend of fizzy Needler sharpness and the familiarity of Hawaiian Punch.
Mountain Dew "Diet" flavor featuring Sniper Jun
I kind of feel sorry for Jun S-266 because he got stuck with the diet flavor. What are they saying, that he's fat? He's the hottest guy on the team (aside from Kat with her robot arm). Who likes diet, anyway? This drink just left a bad taste in our mouth from the fake sugar and we gamers don't like the fake stuff. GIVE US OUR GAMES AND GIVE US THE PROPER NUTRIENTS FOR THAT SUGAR HIGH! Regardless, that well-known Mountain Dew kick was as welcoming as stumbling across a fully loaded fuel rod cannon in a horde of dirty Brutes.
Mountain Dew "LiveWire" flavor featuring Heavy Weapons Specialist Jorge
How can you go wrong with tangerine, or the bright, glowing orange color? This bottle of Mountain Dew was the least surprising to taste, thanks to the distinct flavor of tangerine, but still brought a jolt of flavor to the mouth like a well-aimed Spartan Laser. Orange also means Vitamin C, so this drink is healthy...right?
Mountain Dew "White Out" flavor featuring Noble Six
This was the Top Secret drink in the "Honor the Code" kit as a limited edition flavor not available in stores and for "true Mountain Dew fans." The drink promises a smooth citrus flavor, but our soldiers were a little disappointed with the taste. In our books, smooth means sleekly gliding through the air in a Covenant Banshee, but this White Out reminded us of those times when you throw a frag grenade at an approaching Hunter, only to have it bounce harmlessly off his amor: weak.
Mountain Dew "Suicide" flavor
What, you thought we weren't going to mix all the drinks together to create our own suicide flavor? Team impressions of this concoction ranged from the best ("Mmmmm!") to the worst ("I can't drink any more of this.") but everyone agreed: the flavors exploded in our mouths like the burst of colorful birthday party confetti after you successfully shoot a dirty Grunt in the head. Perfect.