Despicable Me opens in theaters this weekend, and I demand that you go and see it. Not just because it's good, but because it's something an evil genius would make you do. Not that I'm an evil genius, although I woulnd't mind being one after seeing this movie. Steve Carell does a very passable Russian accent as the fiendish Gru in this movie, but the real stars of the show are the minions. They're the cute, yellow, capsule-shaped guys you see all over the advertisements for this film. You know, at places like The International House of Pancakes. They even get their own menu items. What?!
These little guys steal the entire show, and they make me wish I had minions of my own. Need a giant rocket to the moon built? These are your guys. Want your ultra-deathray built? They've got the nuts and bolts. Blow your lab up? (again?) They're handy with a mop and a broom.
So we'd like the halls at G4 to be filled with minions of our own who can do our dire biddings at a moments notice. So, we're turning to the gaming world for some underling suggestions. Here are the (relatively) cuter ones that are on our shortlist.
I wasn't really sure what to call the Patapons as a whole. Pataponians? Patapots? Patas? Patapi? Until a co-worker pointed out that Patapon was already plural. Thanks. Now I feel like an idiot. Anyhow, the Patapons were adorable little minions who would do whatever you wanted, as long as you beat on some drums to tell them what it was you wanted done. You can order them to attack anything from rocks to strange creatures, make them retreat, send them hunting, or just have them chill out. Then they build a tiny little altar for you, and pile it high with gifts. What's not to love in this world?
The Animal Orbs in Castle Crashers
Are these technically minions? I'm not sure about that. What I do know is that they are adorable little creature spheres that you can grab as a kind of a power-up. Rammy knocks your enemies over, Bitey Bat chomps them, and Hawkster attacks them while they're down. Ouch. There are a ton of these little guys, and they're always ready to lend a helping ... head. They even offered up a new ones via the DLC, marking a special ocassion for minions everywhere. If you start treating them this nice, they're going to expect it all the time.
Different colored little guys who do what you tell them and have different powers based on their hue? Check. A crazy spaceship that needs to be rebuilt? Check again. A sequel for Wii owners? Che ... what? While we still don't have Pikmin 3, we do have the memories (and the GameCube games that still play just fine in our beloved Nintendo motion-waggler) of the previous games. The sequel is definitely on the way, but it just can't get here fast enough. Pikmin gave us adorable minions that ended up spoiling us because now we just want them around all the time. Which would actually be a bit creepy.
The minions from Overlord
Taking a page directly from Pikmin, Overlord and Overlord II gave us minions who weren't that cute (although you grew to love them) who had different powers based on their colors, and it was maddening (and admittedly, addictive and fun) trying to figure out how to keep your minions alive long enough to get your evil work done. You played as supreme Sauron-level badass in this, and ordering your minions around was one of the highlights. You could even make them sacrifice themselves to power up your weapons. Heck, they even got their own DS title in Overlord: Minions. Probably the best example of having little creatures play the game for you.
So what minions do you want working for you?