Crazy Sports Titles We'd Like To See


Posted June 3, 2010 - By Kevin Kelly

  • News
  • Previews
  • Review
  • Videos
  • Screenshots
  • Cheats and Walkthroughs

  • News
  • Previews
  • Review
  • Videos
  • Screenshots
  • Cheats and Walkthroughs

Crazy Sports Titles We'd Like To See Lawn Darts

Bass Pro Shops: The Hunt came out earlier this week, and if you haven't seen the trailer for it yet, you need to. It's a delightful treat showing you that blowing away at every animal living in the woods can be a real father/son bonding experience. "Hunt Over 20 Animal Species!" it brags. Unfortunately the trailer is a bit of a lie, showing off the Xbox 360 graphics while dad and junior blast at everything with their Wii-exclusive rifles, which happen to look like they'd be more at home in Mass Effect.

Hunting isn't new to the world of video games, as anyone who has ever fired a plastic orange rifle at bounding deer in an arcade can attest. But on this scale, and complete with ATV-driving minigames? It's definitely rounded a corner and headed into new territory. But there's a world of unexplored sports out there that need this kind of treatment. We demand multiple-title, Natal-compatible, DLC-having, PSP Go-going versions of these five potentially deadly sports. Pronto.

Men's Individual Trampoline Survival Course

Crazy Sports Titles We'd Like To See Individual Men's Trampoline Survival Course

I really can't be sold on the fact that the Men's Individual Trampoline is an actual Olympic event. Anything that I used to do in a friend's backyard just cannot be considerd Olympic. If that can get in, then why not Olympic Slip 'n Slide? Olympic Hopscotch? Olympic Big Wheel Racing? Just imagine the strategies that would be involved in knowing the perfect moment to use the spinout lever. I'd actually pay to watch that, especially if the racers had to chug a pitcher of beer seconds before the race.

Now, those idiots on YouTube who jump off of their roof and then onto a trampoline in the hopes that they achieve some serious air while bouncing into a pool? Those are who I'm looking to for inspiration on this title. Except that's just not far enough. We need a trampoline game that really adds an element of death to the proceedings. Swinging blades, tanks filled with sharks, and blasts of flame are obstacles that would really make you strain for those few extra millimeters when going the distance. Big bonuses for near-death experiences.

With each challenge upping the ante by adding more and more ways to die, just stick a robust video editor in here, and imagine all of the slow-motion lolz you could have sending these to friends and uploading them online. Either that, or when the Women's Individual Trampoline: Real Physics Edition comes out, the slow-motion obsession shut-ins will have with that.

Lawn Darts: Death From Above

Crazy Sports Titles We'd Like To See Lawn Darts

Gee, what could possibly go wrong with this idea? Let's take two plastic hoops, and four gigantic, steel-tipped darts and give them to children! The family will have a hoot tossing these into the air while grandma and grandpa watch from the covered comfort of their porch. Kids are pretty well-known for their accuracy, so this could never, ever be a potential problem. Imagine, scads of tykes on a sun-dappled lawn hurtling sharpened iron into the skies. Ahh, competition.

In the game, the object is to try and group your ginormo-darts as accurately as possible into the center of the hoop, which is smack-dab in the middle of a photorealistic yard. You can progress through "white trash" trailer parks, dodging obstacles like a chained-up, barking dog and an old man with a flyswatter, all the way up to a lush mansion with sparkling pools, and a very earnest gardener who doesn't like holes in his lawn.

Successfully avoid anything interfering with your windup, and you're treated to a bird's-eye view of the incoming pointy thing. Turn on the fun "Stick It To 'Em!" feature which awards bonus points for bodily harm, or play in safe mode where you're awarded for not killing someone.

Tetherball Extreme

Crazy Sports Titles We'd Like To See Extreme Tetherball

If you ever played this game in elementary school, then you know how deadly it can be. Two opponents. One steel pole. A ball, and a rope. That's it. The weapons in this game are your hands and that ball. Your objective is to slap, punch, pummel, and whack that ball as hard as you can until it winds itself all the way around the ball, and you emerge victorious. Granted, it's not the most challenging sport, but there was definitely a strategy to it. Especially when you figure out how to arc the ball over your challenger's head and force them to hop helplessly as they head towards defeat.

And that's just normal tetherball. When it gets extreme, you really have to pay attention. Make the ball revolve around the pole enough, and you'll go into Inferno mode, where the ball turns into an orb of fire and burns through anything your opponent tried to put in front of it. Including their hand. If you're fast, you can dodge it, but if not, you'll have to play the rest of the match with one hand, and one cauterized stump.

Luckily, palm enough ballgrabs (yes, we realize that sounds bad) and you can earn a powershield that will briefly allow you to block anything, including the dreaded Inferno. With online leagues, multiplayer, and customizable avatars, this game will forever blaze tetherball into your head as a sport that deserves to be elevated off of the cutesy level of EA Playground.

Marbles: Fire Away

Crazy Sports Titles We'd Like To See Marbles

It's been years since marbles have been socially relevant. Remember the Pog craze of the 1990s? They had nothing on marbles. These were the currency of the schoolyard, just like cigarettes become your bankroll when you're behind bars. Every kid had a bag of these, and the ultimate challenge was to nail someone in a "Keepsy" variation of Ringer and take all of their marbles--which is, of course, where the term "lost all your marbles" comes from. That's not something you want to do. Hoarding is winning, and you wanted to have the biggest stash on the block.

It's high time we bring marbles back, and add a little juice to 'em. In fact, juicing is one of the minigames in this title. You can juice up your fingers and thumbs in an effort to improve your firing speed. Knock your opponent out of the ring enough times, and you'll unlock a Blaze Ball. This fiery roller blasts through everything in the path, just like a miniature cannonball. Way behind in a game? Fire your glass sphere at one of the scattered ramps and nail your enemy right in the eyeball. All's fair in Marbles: Fire Away.

Potential developers, just think of the DLC possibilities. With multiple varieties of marbles already out there, and 12 million of these little balls pumped out every day, it's ripe for obsessive-compulsives. Leaderboard competition will be fierce for this one, and just imagine the Wii MotionPlus opportunities.

The Rats of the Skies: Pigeon Racing

Crazy Sports Titles We'd Like To See Rats of the Skies: Racing Pigeons

I'd just like to point out first that pigeon racing is an actual sport. Soak that in for a minute. Those little feathered things that divebomb your lunch when you eat outside and crap all over everything are involved in an actual sport? Yes, it's true. They have their own unique racing breeds special clocks and ... it boggles the mind.  I can just imagine the announcers for these races: "And here comes Mrs. Feathers, around the bend! She's followed closely behind by Bobby Beaks and Pudgeon! They're neck and neck! Into the final it's ... dear god, that's MY CAR!"

Forget it, this one writes itself. Arm these little suckers with miniature machine guns, bombs, cannons, flamethrowers, and you have yourself a REAL race. We've been waiting on a sequel to Crimson Skies: High Road To Revenge long enough, and this might be as close as we can get. Plus, there's really nothing more terrifying than an armed pigeon. I mean, really. They're everywhere.

When you're not racing, you can wing your way through training camp, learning how to perfect your flying, and then join in the fun of free roaming the city, where you rack up points by pooping on things. Gather up to 16 of your buddies online, then flock up with up to 16 of their friends in "Get Flocked!", where your goal is to swam over and kill unsuspecting pedestrians. Scary stuff.

Crazy Sports Titles We'd Like To See


Blog Tags

  • International Sexy Ladies Show: Messy Cat Fight

    Posted: January 27, 2010

    644,696 Views | 00:49

  • Sara Underwood's Naked Bike Ride

    Posted: June 22, 2011

    1,316,284 Views | 05:20

  • Laser Snake Robots, More Mars Rovers and BigDog Is Back

    Posted: September 25, 2012

    1,290 Views | 03:00

  • NBA 2K13 Launch Trailer

    Posted: October 4, 2012

    5,601 Views | 01:53

  • Casual Vomiting - Web Soup Investigates

    Posted: March 30, 2011

    7,570 Views | 02:52