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My Top Five Videogame Valentines

Moye
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Posted February 12, 2010 - By Moye Ishimoto







My Top Five Videogame Valentines

Did you know? Valentine's Day is this Sunday, it's the holy day for love and giving presents to girls who really deserve it. No, this isn't a fake Hallmark holiday that represents needless consumerism in America. It's about girls, which explains why the editors of TheFeed asked me (an actual girl) to count down the top game characters I'd like to have as my very special boyfriends Valentines.

These guys may be fake and all, but that doesn't mean I can't swoon over them every time they appear on my TV screen. And they’re real in my heart.

5. Master Chief, Halo 3: I know, weird. But think about it!!!! He's the last living Spartan Supersoldier Something and talk about MYSTERY. I don't even know what this guy looks like, but I would totally make out with him. He saves the world, can survive pretty much anything (unless I'm the one actually playing Halo. Then he dies like every 5 minutes.) and the reason why he doesn't talk much is because he’s LISTENING. It’s really hard to find a guy who listens, you know? The only problem is getting Cortana out of the picture. She is so annoying.

My Top Five Videogame Valentines

4. Kratos, God of War 1-3: Okay, so I'll be honest. I wasn't really into this guy at first, because hello? He's bald and kind of pasty white. Someone told me it's actually the ashes of his murdered family on his skin and maybe that's heroic to the rest of you, but I find that kind of gross. I mean, really? That’s like dead body stuff on your skin. Eww. Do you think it would rub off when you cuddle? Anyway, he's pretty buff and if that Mike from Jersey Shore can trademark his abs as "The Situation," then I like to call Krato's six-pack the GODLY Situation. Well, half godly, at least. I'm really digging the fact that Zeus is Kratos’ dad because that means he's super rich, right?

My Top Five Videogame Valentines

3. Louis, Left 4 Dead: Zombies are scary and mean. But if I had to pick one guy to help shoot and pipe-bomb our way through a herd of them, I'd pick Louis. He's brave, funny, likes to wear something other than dirty t-shirts or weird armor and YOU KNOW he's got his eye on his future with that job as a junior systems analyst. I don't really know what that job means and I guess there’s really no future after a zombie apocalypse, but it sounds important and it’s really good to have a boyfriend who has a job. We would make the cutest babies ever.

My Top Five Videogame Valentines

2. Dominic "Dom" Santiago, Gears of War 2: Yeah, I could care less about Marcus Fenix but I would totally spend my Valentine's Day with Dom. I didn't really like him at first, because honestly, he's kind of like the back-up guy to Fenix but once I saw he'd do anything--even RISK THE SALVATION OF HUMANITY--to save his wife Maria from those gross Locust aliens (or whatever), I realized that deep down inside that weird outfit, he has a true and kind heart. He also has really big thighs. So now that Maria is officially out of the picture…wait, would it be too soon? Do you think he’d go for me?

My Top Five Videogame Valentines

1. Nathan Drake, Uncharted 2: Yeah, like are you surprised that the one and only Nathan Drake sits closest to my heart? OMG. He’s unbelievable: super smart (he can read other languages like Latin!!!), has a great sense of humor, loves to travel, keeps a journal (that means he likes to share his feelings!!!) and even though he can climb almost anything, he doesn’t have those enormous muscular arms that totally gross me out. One time, Nathan totally fought a weird Yeti monster. Have you met any other guy who does that? Like, no.

I mean, I’m not talking to him right now because he ended up with that annoying blonde chick at the end of Uncharted 2 because he really should have gone with the way hotter Chloe, but whatever. I’ll still be here waiting for you, Nathan. Maybe I’ll see you around in Uncharted 3?

There you go. I hope you enjoyed my top five Valentine picks. But don’t even think of trying to argue with me about any of my choices. Seriously. You’d be picking an Internet fight with me over fake videogame guys. Like, lame.

Tags: Videogames
My Top Five Videogame Valentines
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