Attention pervs, rain-coaters, creeps and volleyball super-fans: Tecmo today announced the existence of Dead or Alive: Paradise, a handheld sexy-time bathing-suit simulator that promises the ability to control nine barely clad ladies and "mingle, flirt, play, take snapshots and challenge them in mini-games." It comes out in spring 2010 for the PSP. Here is a feature list:
- Social Photographer: You're equipped with a camera to take around the island and take photos of anyone in sight
- Mini-Games: Earn money by scoring high in beach volleyball, pool hopping and at the casino
- Befriending: Give gifts and grow a stronger bond with the other girls
- Bathing Suits Galore: Choose your favorites from over 100 designs
- Private Paradise: Watch Paradise Flicks of girls on New Zack Island, some of whom may be wearing your favorite bathing suit
- Chill Out to Your Favorite Tunes: Use MP3s in the Music folder of your Memory Stick Duo™ as the soundtrack to your fantasies
Having played Dead or Alive Xtreme 2 on the 360 long enough to be frustrated by it, I hope this new handheld version isn't as complicated and pointless as its predecessor. Also: I'll be embarrassed to play it on the bus, as I have a reputation to uphold (I am a pillar of my community).
What do you think, people? Is the rampant objectification of women upsetting to your delicate sensibilities? Or are you more like, "That's sad"? Perhaps you think: "Loosen up for a minute. What's wrong with a little T&A?"
By the way, we have a full gallery of screenshots right here... I won't tell anyone you clicked on it, I promise.