World War II was an awesome video game war: Moral clarity, an easily identifiable enemy, and a stunning victory for the forces of Freedom and Goodness make great fodder for a first-person shooter. That’s why game developers flocked to The Good War in such numbers, while largely ignoring Vietnam. But Dubya Dubya Two isn’t a bottomless pit of material. Even the makers of Call of Duty eventually tapped the mine and went on to other, imaginary, conflicts for their game series. But we want historical shooting back, so to help out Infinity Ward, TheFeed would like to present its list of five wars we think would make great Call of Duty games. (Contributions by Andrew Pfister, Stephen Johnson, and Sterling McGarvey.)
Number Five: The First Afghan War (1838-41)
In the first Afghan War, Britain, the undisputed world super-power at the time, was forced to retreat from an occupation of Afghanistan by poorly armed native inhabitants. It’s perfect for a game because nothing like that could ever happen again, ever. Plus no one really remembers it, so you could stick lasers in there or something.
Number Four: The 90s East Coast/West Coast Rap Feud (c. 1992-97)
While technically a "beef" and not a traditionally declared war (the Clinton administration's biggest failure), The Rap Wars had a low body count but a killer soundtrack. Getting the O.G.’s involved to collaborate might reignite the whole thing again, though. It would be worth it just to take Souljah Boy as a POW, and to see if either side would be willing to claim Kanye (Illinois being the equivalent of Switzerland, after all).
Number Three: The War on Drugs (In progress!)
It could be like Clear and Present Danger, only without those stupid words getting in the way of shooting people in the face. Cities besieged by violence, ineffective and corrupt police forces, politicians in the pockets of the cartels...this stuff is happening for real just across our southern border, and we know IW isn't afraid to push the topical (and controversial) buttons. And for the sake of authenticity, they could keep it going forever with expensive DLC. Not only that, forcing your stereotypical CoD player to eliminate drug dealers and burn up pot fields sends the irony factor through the roof.
Number Two: The "Star" Wars (A Long Time Ago)
Oh, wait, we already have a new next-gen Star Wars Battlefront. OH WAIT, NO WE DON'T. Oh wait, we already have an updated version of Dark Forces/Jedi Knight. OH WAIT, NO WE DO NOT. Oh, wait, we already have a recent X-Wing vs. TIE...now I'm just making myself cry. Just because George nuked the franchise with the prequels doesn't mean that the original trilogy still isn't worth exploring on the most powerful hardware available. Plus, the phrase "Wookie Perks" makes me giggle.
Number One: The War We're Going To Have With Chile, "Super Korea," and Canada (2028 - ?)
Did you happen to see the closing price of Random Length Lumber on the Chicago Mercantile Exchange last Thursday? The warning signs are there, people. Wake up.