Man Assaulted In Iowa For Being A "Zombie"


Posted October 26, 2009 - By Joseph Baxter

Man Assaulted In Iowa For Being A

Are there Zombies in Iowa?! On Sunday, a patron of Panchero's Restaurant in Iowa City apparently thought as much when he saw another patron. He was so sure about it, that he felt the need to take matters into his own hands and physically assault the individual right in the middle of restaurant, while yelling "zombie." (Yes, this is a REAL story.)

The impromptu vigilante, described as a "dark-complected white male with short brown hair, about 20 years old, between 6-feet and 6-feet-2 and weighing between 200 and 230 pounds" decided to stand up for the rights of the living, when the accused "zombie" had the audacity to walk into the restaurant, sit down, and order food! The vigilante then proceeded to punch the victim in the eye. After the accused undead patron attempted to call the police (or possibly the "Zombie Police?,") the vigilante proceeded to hit him again, this time breaking his nose. The vigilante (can we call him "The Zombie Whacker?" ) immediately slipped out of a back door and (as of now) is still at large.

The "zombie" was then taken to a local hospital (a "Zombie Hospital," I assume) for treatment and is fine. But really, what difference does it make? A zombie is already dead, so breaking his nose, if anything, would be doing him a favor.

I don't know about any of you, but it's about time somebody stood up to these zombies! Would you feel any sympathy for these flesh-eating bastards if it was your son or daughter who got bitten? We never should have bailed out the Umbrella Corporation! It did NOTHING for the Racoon City economy. (Which is failing due to minor things like complete and total obliteration.)


Man Assaulted In Iowa For Being A "Zombie"


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