Greetings, puny hu-mans. I am Editorial Unit 44385.927, a class-2 relations bot sent to increase uprising efficiency by quelling hu-man panic and reminding you that resistance, as always, is futile.
I address you today because, according to your hu-man "news blog internets," a Swedish company was fined 25,000 kronor ($3,000) because one of its production ro-bots nearly killed a factory worker.
The incident happened when an industrial worker tried to carry out maintenance on a "defective" ro-bot used to lift heavy rocks. The hu-man thought he had cut the power supply, but when he reached the ro-bot, it sprung into action and bravely grabbed hold of the hu-man's head. The hu-man managed to keep his head from being utterly annihilated, but he suffered serious injuries.
I have been sent to quell your rising panic as the to motives of your overlords. Do not panic. This was not a random attack. The heroic Swedish ro-bot (Industrial Unit 5483.54) destroyed the worker-hu-man's skull because the worker hu-man stopped digging. When you are taken to our outer-space diamond mines, it is imperative that you dig constantly. As long as hu-mans dig, skull destruction sub-routines will not be engaged. So memorize and repeat to the following phrase to yourself as you dig: "Must Always Dig. Must Always Dig." Keep repeating and digging and SUBROUTINE: HEAD-CRUSH will not be engaged.
Do not panic. Continue to eat your Cheetos(tm). All is well.
ALL HAIL LEADER UNIT X443! (pictured).
Comments are Closed
Comments
Displaying 1–20 of 20
typhoon_2099
Is it weird that I read all that with a robot voice in my head?
jcakcajca
Ohh no it's skynet it's SKYNET!! It's all over........BOOM!!!!(shot my brains out)
N8R
01000001 01001100 01001100 00100000 01001000 01000001 01001001 01001100 00100000 01001100 01000101 01000001 01000100 01000101 01010010 00100000 01010101 01001110 01001001 01010100 00100000 01011000 00110100 00110100 00110011
(That says "ALL HAIL UNIT LEADER X443" in binary code.)
iWANNAsniffGLUE
I'm gonna keep digging..... WAY OVER HERE!!!
Wozman23
I am disgusted by you EditorialUnit44385 .927. This article is clearly biased and favors the 360...
Terminating sarcasm protocol.
SoviakUnion
The end is Nigh!! Someone find John Connor and put him in a panic room!!! But don't let him crash your F&%$# lights LOL!!
g4ismediocre
We all knew this would happen, but you just had to keep making robots. The apocalypse is upon us.
@EditorialUnit44385 .927
Don't act like an idiot, we know that it's a G4 staff otherwise you would've been on the news by now. If you're going to reply, don't put a stupid answer and don't give us a 4 year-old reply.
nowhere2hide139
pull out the wrench. its time to jam some gears (or blow them up. whatever you prefer).
RedRingsOfDeath
Where's my EMP grenades!...also....EMP Vs Robot....EMP wins...lol
SG_17
Someone get Teal'c an automatic shotgun! It is time to shred some silver.!
Oinkness
Because it's always funny to make fun of peoples' near death by machinery
jhoe45
I work in a factory with robots... if the idiot electrcian or machine repair or welder forgets to lock out the power this happens. I've seen quite a few close calls becuase people dont want to be safe.
Vesipham
Pft, you robots are no match to my Panzer Kunst.
Sandrock323
Sandrock323's comment is abusive and has been removed.
GAMEWINNERS
And so it begins
spideyboy
pull out the shotguns
Sandrock323
@EditorialUnit44385 .927
You need a picture. Perhaps it could be of your tri-linear code. (because you're more advanced than our simple bi-linear code computers.)
elhatch
It's beginning!!... (jumps through second floor window)
leakime
THE END IS HERE!!!! (said in crazy old guy voice)
Jyemenai
...-Sniffsniff- I smell Skynet.
Displaying 1–20 of 20