Robot Nearly Kills Factory Worker: Do Not Panic!


Posted July 29, 2009 - By EditorialUnit44385 .927

RobotGreetings, puny hu-mans. I am Editorial Unit 44385.927, a class-2 relations bot sent to increase uprising efficiency by quelling hu-man panic and reminding you that resistance, as always, is futile. 

I address you today because, according to your hu-man "news blog internets," a Swedish company was fined 25,000 kronor ($3,000) because one of its production ro-bots nearly killed a factory worker. 

The incident happened when an industrial worker tried to carry out maintenance on a "defective" ro-bot used to lift heavy rocks. The hu-man thought he had cut the power supply, but when he reached the ro-bot, it sprung into action and bravely grabbed hold of the hu-man's head. The hu-man managed to keep his head from being utterly annihilated, but he suffered serious injuries.

I have been sent to quell your rising panic as the to motives of your overlords. Do not panic. This was not a random attack. The heroic Swedish ro-bot (Industrial Unit 5483.54) destroyed the worker-hu-man's skull because the worker hu-man stopped digging. When you are taken to our outer-space diamond mines, it is imperative that you dig constantly. As long as hu-mans dig, skull destruction sub-routines will not be engaged. So memorize and repeat to the following phrase to yourself as you dig:  "Must Always Dig. Must Always Dig." Keep repeating and digging and SUBROUTINE: HEAD-CRUSH will not be engaged.

Do not panic. Continue to eat your Cheetos(tm). All is well.

ALL HAIL LEADER UNIT X443! (pictured).


Robot Nearly Kills Factory Worker: Do Not Panic!


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