Pregnant women, young children, people with heart conditions, diabetics and the easily excited or dismayed are strongly advised to stop reading this post right now -- it might prove too much for you to handle. According to Showbiz Spy.com, singer Christina Aguilera has been injured by her Nintendo Wii.
“Christina loves her Wii as a fun way to do a little work out,” a source told Showbiz Spy.com. “On this one occasion she and [husband Jordan Bratman] were in the middle of a particularly heated game of tennis and Christina came off a little worse for wear in a run-in with a table lamp. She has a bruised hand but is more upset that she lost the game!”
"It was a living nightmare. Blood was everywhere," Bratman did not say. "The moment Cristina bruised her hand playing Wii Sports, I realized that there is no God, the Universe is infinitely uncaring and all human life is but a morass of suffering and sorrow that will end with a lonely, painful death." Bratman did not add.
Imaginary doctors at a fictional Los Angeles hospital put Aguilera's chances of survival at 40 percent and predict decades of extensive psychotherapy until she is able to sing again.
(This is the most important news story of our lifetime.)