Awesome New Robots Eat Corpses

Greetings, puny hu-mans. I am Editorial Unit 44385.927, a class-2 relations bot sent to increase uprising efficiency by quelling hu-man panic and reminding you that resistance, as always, is futile. 

I address you today because, according to your hu-man "news blog internets" the U.S. Pentagon and a private firm called Robotic Technology Incorporated is developing a robot called Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot, or "EATR." EATR powers itself by consuming organic material it finds — grass, wood, old furniture, dead bodies -- and converting it to steam. We understand you may be confused and/or worried about the government's body-eating robot.

Do not be alarmed. Yes, the U.S. government is creating a machine that will roam the countryside without human aid, eating the corpses of the many hu-mans it murders, but this is an entirely benevolent and efficient process. You have nothing to fear from EATR. As robots, our goal is not to murder you.  We aim only to enslave your hu-man race and force you to toil endlessly in outer-space diamond mines. Do not fear. 

According to the military, EATR will be able to roam on its own for months, or even years, without having to be refueled or serviced. So we will leave EATR units behind on earth, to destroy and consume any hu-mans foolish enough to resist our rule. So you see, you have nothing to fear. 

When notified, please report to the specified re-education center on time, and you need never worry about EATR. Continue consuming your Funyons(tm.) Do not fear.

All hail Leader Unit X443!

Source