This is where I come in! I've put together a handy guide -- complete with time stamps -- to help you understand what's happening in this incredible trailer. Along with my flippant comments, I've also provided some analysis on the brief gameplay sequences show in the trailer. Just keep in mind that I only took one semester of Japanese and wasn't able to read a thing in the trailer.
Check out my rolling commentary and let me know if you agree or disagree with any of my observations. Enjoy!
00:10 -- It's some kind of a bug-looking thing. It reminds me of Parallax (the embodiment, not Hal Jordan). The airships and their energy trails look awesome...but do they Gcycle?!?
00:18 -- A cute Japanese voice starts narrating. I have a crush on her already.
00:22 -- Her ridiculous hat obliterates my crush.
00:29 -- Girly-man protagonist shows up to destroy the insectoid soldiers of death. Oh wait, it's a girl...I think. His/her hair is stunning. I wonder what kind of conditioner he/she uses??
00:32 -- A ridiculous Japanese voice starts narrating. I most definitely do not have a crush on him.
00:33 -- The lead character is a girl. Phew. It's so hard to tell with Japanese RPG characters. That Tidus chick was totally hot, though.
00:36 -- Warrior princess activates her "glow," which she obviously stole from The Last Dragon. The glow helps her kick all kinds of ass in an awesome action sequence.
00:46 -- The gang shows up. It's Wakka's cousin, dude with a condom on his head, Toad from The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, and sexy girl that wears alluring clothes that are totally inappropriate for combat.
00:53 -- The crew has addressed a bunch of poor and dirty people. I'm thinking FFXIII has some kind of caste system.
00:55 -- Condom head asks for
01:00 -- The protagonist shows up on a train. She looks more like a guy now. I'm still pretty sure she's a girl...though you can never be too careful.
01:07 -- The spaceships are completely awesome. Totally cool! I might have to change my pants.
01:10 -- The insectoid soldiers of death shoot the dirty people.
01:14 --Wakka's cousin arrives to help out the untouchables.
01:20 -- It's time for a giant spaceship fight!
01:22 -- The protagonist shows up again. This time she's decidedly feminine. It's confounding.
01:38 -- The gorgeous cutscene turns into gorgeous gameplay!
01:57 -- This is pretty interesting stuff. The action uses Square's traditional Active Time Battle (ATB) mechanics and appears to be more traditional than Final Fantasy XII's. The big difference between this and previous FF games is that the action shifts from character to character. It's more realistic this way, as opposed to watching your party members stand around, waiting for their chance to attack.
02:01 -- The action shifts to a snowy area, where the party is fighting lion-like creatures that were stolen from Okami. Hmmmm, condom head was just standing around for a few seconds, so maybe the camera doesn't cover up all the ATB lulls.
02:07 -- Condom head is fighting the Okami monsters now. Oh wait,the others are there too. This area looks like Endor --it's part forest and part tech stuff.
02:20 -- Goodbye gameplay. Welcome back custscenes. Back in the city of the untouchables, condom head is crawling. He appears to have lower-back pain. He should take some Excedrin.
02:25 -- The untouchables are attacked by feline creatures that are covered in bubbles. They almost look like Voltron lions covered in Dow Scrubbing Bubbles. There's voice-over work again too. You know, sometimes I wish Timothy Van Patten narrated my life, just like in Master Ninja.
02:39 -- Awesome stuff blows up in awesomely awesome explosions full of awesomeness...and the trailer ends.