You know what's happening right now in Florida? I'll tell you: A rhesus monkey is running riot! The adorable little scamp is "known to throw feces when mad" and was last spotted in Clearwater. Authorities have been trying to capture the monkey since Tuesday, but he has thus far evaded them, escaping a bucket truck and a tranquilizer dart.
The Florida State Congress, eager to capitalize on the fame of their new simian mascot, adopted a new, official motto for the state: "Florida: If monkey sh*t hits you in the face, you're home."