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Are YOU Suffering From "Wii Knee?"

Baxter
10 Comments

Posted December 22, 2008 - By Joseph Baxter

This year, it is apparent that the Nintendo Wii will once again reign as the most sought-after Christmas gift. Its intuitive system and simple games have allowed it to become a bridge between gamers and non-gamers. But at what cost? It is being reported that people who picked up the habit of playing Wii games, innocently thinking that they are just playing some silly little sports game, are finding themselves with the fractures and sprains, that typically occur in the sports that the very games they play imitate.

Researchers at a teaching hospital in Leeds, UK are calling the epidemic, "Wii Knee" (not to be confused with the similarly pronounced and possibly applicable derogatory term.) However, incidents are hardly limited to the knees. Osteopaths last year, reported an increase in patients with back injuries, suffered no less, just after Christmas. The victims blamed their new Wii systems, as they were merely trying to keep up with their children, ending up with painful injuries. The British Society for Surgery of the Hand (BSSH), are also implying an increase in the number of Wii-related injuries with which they are handling. According to Richard Milner of the BSSH:

"We treated a patient this week who had injured herself using a Wii. She was playing tennis with a partner and fractured one of the bones in her finger when he hit the back of her hand with the control."


To recap, the big revelation here is that older gamers are finding themselves injured after overexerting themselves in physical activity. This is obviously the fault of Nintendo, nay, it was probably their sinister plan all along. They've always hated the British, and now their elderly will pay! Also, knowing that the US was a country with a generation of aging and retiring Baby-Boomers who will outnumber the Social Security contributors of the successive generation, they knew that the way hit America the hardest was by keeping older Americans from working and contributing to the Social Security pot, while health insurance premiums skyrocket from increases in the number of Wii-related claims. With a rough economy, their sinister plan worked far better than they could possibly imagine. The irony is, WE are paying THEM to do it to us! Absolutely diabolical!

Nintendo has been sticking it to us for years. How long are we going to let this happen? How many Olympic athletes lost their dreams of going to Seoul back in '88, when they blew out their ACL's on that wretched Power Pad? How many chronic seizures ended the hopes of Navy Pilots thanks to that pesky Virtual Boy? How many nights of insomnia playing The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time have led to lowered productivity and unemployment in our workplaces? I have no statistics whatsoever to back it up, but I'm sure it was all in the BILLIONS.

And for the record, Super Mario Galaxy kept me out of the NFL. My carer as a starting quarterback was stolen from me when my throwing arm went out on me somewhere around the end of the second quest with Luigi. Damn you, Miyamoto and your ergonomic contraption of death!

FREEDOOOOOM!

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Are YOU Suffering From "Wii Knee?"
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