Things The Internets Want To Know


Posted November 5, 2008 - By Mike D'Alonzo

We have access to all kinds of analytical material here at The Feed, which we use to figure out what you guys like and don't, and where you come from when you come to the site. One of the most interesting things we have access to is a list of searches that led you to our site. So, we're going to share some of the weirdest search terms with you in a new feature we like to call Things The Internets Want To Know.

First, we had a bunch of what we can only assume were parents searching for "Club Penguin," which led to our funny, but definitely not family friendly internet meme that showed...well...penguins getting clubbed. This amuses us greatly.

Also interesting (but not necessarily search related) was the fact that last month we received one single visitor from each of the following places; Turkmenistan, East Timor, Cook Island, Christmas Island, Micronesia, Burundi, and Antarctica. Thanks, Antarctica, but, seriously, West Timor, get on the stick, will ya?

But our favorite thing that the Internets Wanted to Know last week was...Can you have a female wizard?

Google's infinite wisdom sent that random searcher to our Diablo III Hands-on post from last month's Blizzcon.  Since our Diablo piece couldn't possibly have given that new G4tv.com visitor what they were actually looking for, and because it was one of the more amusing things we've seen the internets search for in some time, we would be remiss if we didn't take some time and answer that question:

The short answer is "yes," but the long one is much more complicated. Due to the Wizarding Equal Rights Scroll of 1411, the Wizarding Parliment, also known as the Kazaambinet, was forced to recognize the existence of female wizards, instead of calling them "witch," or the much less-used but no less derrogetory "spell curtains."

The most famous of all of these female wizards, Hermoine the Comely, was given her own wing of the Castle of High Wizardry in the late 17th Century, but was sealed and later reduced to ashes when it was found that Hermoine was not, in fact, a female, but a man named Haag who learned a spell that made him look like a woman. A comely one, at that.

So, there's your answer. Aren't you glad you searched?

Things The Internets Want To Know


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