This is the most important, breaking story of or lifetime: Jose A. Cruz, 34, of Clarksburg, W. VA, was cited for battery after farting on a cop.
Cruz was pulled over for drunken driving, and during his Breathalyzer test, he let rip right next to a police officer. The officer cited Cruz for battery, saying that Cruz "passed gas loudly." He then fanned the malodorous air toward the policeman. "The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons," the complaint alleged.
In his own defense, Cruz said "I couldn't hold it no more."
Welcome to internets fame, Mr. Cruz! You deserve it.
UPDATE: The farting charges were dropped. Apparently, the situation was too comical to prosecute.