This year's Comic-Con was as massive, exciting, breath-taking and amazing as a good issue of She Hulk. But it, like everything, wasn't perfect. Please enjoy our personal list of Epic Fails from Comic-Con 08!
Trailer For Punisher: War Zone: Don’t get me wrong, the last Punisher movie starring Thomas Jane was pretty bad. I mean come on, John Travolta was the bad guy. But the moment I saw the cheese-metal saturated red band, Comic-Con 08 trailer for Punisher: War Zone, it made me miss Thomas Jane and a gothic Rebecca Romijn Stamos. First of all, they might have helped Ray Stevenson look more like the original punisher from the neck up, but that’s where the similarities end. Second, they made the skull on his costume dark grey on black, so you only really see it once in the trailer when the lights go out and it flashes white in the darkness, which defies all laws of light refraction.
Now the trailer isn’t all bad. I appreciate the fact that the violence level is WAY, WAY up. And that’s a good thing. Seeing people’s faces crushed in with bare fists and wooden chair legs is a nice chance of pace for Hollywood comic book movies. I even paused the trailer to watch Stevenson make a guy’s face explode in red gooeyness with a shot to the head. But you know what else I saw? People with faces made out of sewn together pieces of skin, a bad guy eating human flesh (vampires?!?! WTF?!?!), and a movie trailer that is so heavy handed with the metal and “story” that it looks more like a title that would go straight to DVD. If you’re going to “reboot” a failed comic book film, make sure the new movie is better than the first unfortunate attempt.
Techno Card Handing-Out Guys – On Saturday, at the heat of the ‘Con, in front of the Fox booth, which was one of the most well-traveled areas of the Convention Center, were two dudes handing out cards for a techno show that was happening that night. They were having a serious discussion of how techno had changed over the years, as a rebuke to an “old man” who was about 30, and who tried to point out that techno had died somewhere in the early 90’s. Their very, very angry response was “I don’t know what techno was like when you were a kid, but DJ’s are completely different now.” Super, techno-sized fail.
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes Remake - We understand that there is a fanbase for the Ask a Ninja site and its remarkable that the people who run it have made it a fulltime job complete with a touring show. But, please, please, PLEASE, for the love of all that is kitschy, do not attempt this remake.
John De Bello's Attack of the Killer Tomatoes was made in 1978 and quickly catapulted to cult status. It stands as one of the more hilariously bad films of all time. Let it be! Remaking a cult classic and trying to recapture the glory of something that is so bad, it's good is like trying to sleep with your cousin for a second time. It won't feel as wrong and it won't feel as right. It'll just suck and everyone who loves you will hate you when they see the movie you made of it. Leave this classic alone and go back to making 10 year-old ninja jokes for 10 year-olds.
Joker Costumes: The worst part of Comic-Con, for me, was seeing everyone in their Heath Ledger Joker costumes. It’s a fail for two reasons. One, it’s a costume that actually gets better from nerd sweat and grease, completing the effect of The Joker’s cracking make-up and scraggly hair. Two, it’s an annoying preview of every Halloween party you’ll be attending this year.
No one wants to dress up as Hancock? What gives?!
Possibility of Comic-Con Departing San Diego--San Diego: it's sunny, it's classy, and most of all, it's the home of Comic-Con. As we reported, due to the mass population invading the confined spaces of the annual Comic Convention, it might be migrating towards Los Angeles or Las Vegas. While we certainly won't mind having the convention around here, next to E3's rightful home at the LA convention center, Comic-Con should always be where it all began since the 1970s - right in the whale's vagina. And if you try to take it away from there, you bet your ass Channel 4 News will fight for it, but just don't touch the hair. Grenades are OK, but no hair. Got it? Alright, just drink it, it goes down smoothly...
--John Raphael Manalang
Cosplayers--Male The above-pictured dude dressed as Sub-Mariner embodies everything fail about Male cosplayers, (The guy next to him, cosplaying as television's John Walsh, suceeds admirably.)
Bonus-Epic Win: Cosplayers--Female : Mmmm...we love costumes when they're on ladies.