It's E3 time, everyone, that week every year where the videogame world is bombarded with can't-effin'-believe it announcements, trailers and news. But it's not all double-plus-win. Along with the bombshells come the inevitable bombs, those announcements that fizzle out like wet firecrackers or blow up in your face like dry firecrackers you thought were duds. In that spirit, please enjoy our list of Epic Fail E3 announcements!
Duke Nukem Forever (E3 1998): Ten Years. Yes that's right, it's been a whole decade since 3D realms showed us a demo of Duke Nukem Forever at E3 1998. You could almost feel the collective game-world clench its massive buttocks together in excitement for the sequel of the century...but then, nothing. For ten long years the sequel to seminal blockbuster FPS Duke Nukem has been plagued by endless delays and crushed hoped, and the waiting goes on until this day.
We love Duke Nukem: his swagger, his chicks, his killer quotes. But how many stellar FPS titles has come out since 1998? There's Halo, Half-Life came out later that year, heck, Counter-Strike wasn't even out at that time. So if this game ever does come out, it better make us run out of gum, cause we just want to kick some ass and stop chewing all the BS.
N-Gage (E3 2006) – Nokia really thought they were bringing the heat when they made the announcement of their new gaming platform in 2006. Called the N-Gage, it was the predictor of smart phones driving the future of gaming, and it promised a whole new day that involved people playing state-of-the-art games on their phones and mobile devices. Thing is, that day never came to pass, not in any serious way, anyway, and N-Gage seemed to be instantly relegated to the cutout bin. Probably because the games were mediocre and the control scheme was, in a word, asstastic.
However, some developers, to this day, still trot out N-Gage applications at game shows, and the same refrain is heard, floor-wide. “Oh,” they say, surprised, “they still make games for N-Gage?” It was only announced two years ago. Not a good sign. The future of cell phone gaming might be the iPhone, but the times have passed the N-Gage by. Sayonara.
Halo Trailer Commericial (E3 2007) Oops, our bad! In case you forget, last year, the entire gaming world was waiting on G4's showing of the trailer for Halo 3. And we did show it...but about half way through the airing of the trailer, we went to commercial.
Mistakes were made, people. Of course, we're turning a negative into a postiive this year. Next week, we'll be broadcasting all of the Big 3 press conferences (Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo) live and without any commercial interruptions at all. That's because we care about you, folks. You won't miss a minute of anything. Check out our E3 site for details.
Sony Shows Up (E3 1995): At the very first E3 back in 1995, Sony broke onto the scene to little fanfare. No one thought they could compete with Nintendo and Sega with their first system, the PlayStation, due out in the US in a just a couple months. The eventual success and total domination of Sony with their PS and PS2 consoles is what makes their initial tepid opening at E3 an epic fail. Shame on the world for not believing. You are the fail, game-world of 1995. I want to build a time machine just to tell you to suck mine.
The Wii (E3 2006): I love the Wii; we all love the Wii. This is not about the machine, it's the announcement of the machine's terrible name. Before the console was officially named, the rumor around the water-cooler was that Nintendo’s next console would be called “the Revolution”. I n fact, that was the Wii’s codename within Nintendo until right before E3 2006 when they told us it would be called “The Wii”. The air was immediately filled with the sound of millions of eyes rolling, and countless brains trying to come up with the first penis related joke. It’s easy to forget what it was like to first hear that word, now that the Wii has become such a commonly known piece of popular culture. But seriously, it’s called The Wii.
PlayStation 3 Price (E3 2006) While the PS3 was announced at E3 2005, we didn’t know how much it was going to cost until E3 2006. How much was it going to cost?
FIVE HUNDRED AND NINETY-NINE US DOLLARS
What? Obviously everyone remembers the fallout over this announcement... Sony’s stance that the PS3 was something they wanted gamers to work for and strive to purchase. Also, LOL PS3 more like BS3 amirite? Strike the FAIL for MASSIVE DAMAGE!
Bonus Epic Win: E for All: E for All with it's consumer-oriented focus brings gaming excitement right to the people who actually play the games! Epic win, baby!