Epic Nerd Battle Waged!


Posted July 1, 2008 - By Stephen Johnson

The recent announcement of a Nerd Tournament at local comic book store Meltdown occasioned a geek-fight of epic proportions on G4 TV's email list. Because it's a lazy summer day, we wanted to share it with you.

Here's how the nerd tourney works: Interested parties apply to select one of the following pop culture characters and debate who would win in a fight:

Lara Croft / Batman / Gandolf / Enid (Ghostworld) / Aquaman / Captain America / Pikachu / Wolverine / Iron Man / Alan Quartermine / Superman / Alien Queen (Aliens) / Terminator / Voltron / Wonder Woman / Darth Vader / Hulk / Spiderman / Thing / Star Buck (Battle Star G) / The Father from the Movie Happiness / The Borg / Thor / Jason Vorhees / Bionic Woman / Cloverfield Monster / Predator / Chewbaca / Snake Eyes (GI Joe) / Mr. Myagi / Freddy Krueger / Forrest Whitaker as Idi Amin

The email argument this event spawned is under the cut.

Jess R: I nominate Matt K immediately. 

Blair H:  Nomination seconded.

Courtney K: All in favor?

Robert J:


Michael D: HUZZAH!

Matt K: They misspelled “Gandalf.”

Casey S: …. And we have a winner!


John W: It’s actually “Gonif,” a reference to an Isaac Bashevis Singer graphic novel that never sold all that well.

Matt K: I don’t think anyone on that list could win against Voltron, anyway.

Well. Maybe Thor.

Rob R.: This contest is stupid.

Everyone on that list is mortal, except for Thor and Gandalf. You could possibly include Jason Vorhees and Freddy Krueger if you consider them some sort of transformed demonic creatures. But of these only Thor and Gandalf have any real God-like abilities. Since Gandalf is actually a demi-God (a Maia), Thor is clearly superior.

Thor is a God, therefore he can't be killed by mortals, so eventually he would win any combat. Gandalf would hold his own for a while, but as a demi-God (a Maia) he would not be as powerful as a full God. Although he could not be killed either, he could eventually be subdued and imprisoned by Thor.

Sean S.: Idi Amin FTW.

Gavin P: Write in: One CXO to rule them all. 

Gerry D: Part of the cycle of the Norse Gods is to experience Ragnarok (Viking apocalypse). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ragnar%C3%B6k

At which time, everything is renewed. Including Thor. Therefore, even if it were theoretically possible to defeat the Odinson, he would simply re-spawn, and possibly even angrier then when he was killed.

Matt K. : Only after a major continuity-borking crossover, though.

Justin F: Is this where I get to point out that Gandalf has the Valar on his side? Wouldn’t they simply resurrect him in different colored robes with more power were Thor to kill him?

Matt K: Then Gandalf would win as he has no such restrictions on his power.

Blair H: Our office is literally CRACKLING with geekiness right now

Matt K: Judging by the events of Lord of the Rings, he also respawns faster than Thor.

Michael W. Why has nobody yet paid homage to the unstoppable force of Mr. Myagi? (Gd rest his soul)

Gerry D: The only way to destroy this thread is to heave it into the mouth of an active volcano.

Or steamy cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee.

(A brief explanation of G4 lore: A long time ago, a G4 email thread about the merits of foods from the East Coast raged on for several days and several hundred emails. Since then, Dunkin' Donuts has become a signifier for "This thread has gone on long enough!")

John W:

Kevin S: If we’re arguing that both could be resurrected until the end of days I think the winner would be whoever takes more wins. That man (God) is Thor. I know styles make fights but Thor has beaten the Hulk and guys like Iron Man, I don’t see Gandalf faring as well against them. Thor’s never had a problem with the Enchantress, a similar magic-user who’s also a GOD. He beats magic gods!

Thor has a belt of strength and currently, the Odinpower, Gandalf has robes and a beard.

Oh, and I’m a huge loser.

Guy B. Gandalf’s power is limited by the form he takes.

Look at Radagast.  Why does no one ever think of Radagast?

Stephen J: Hey, nerds. We at TheFeed would like to post this entire email exchange (minus last names and email addresses) on our website. Is that cool with everyone?

Matt K:  It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

Feel free to make your own arguments in our comment section below.

Epic Nerd Battle Waged!


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