The recent allegations against New York governor Eliot Spitzer are funny and ironic--the guy had a huge problem with the fake hookers in Grand Theft Auto, but seemingly no problem with real hookers who charge $1000 an hour--but it also got us thinking about our favorite videogame prostitutes of all time. Mr. Spitzer would have done everyone a favor if he'd have stuck to the digital doxies detailed below:

Mass Effect – The Consort: In the Citadel, you encounter a Asari “consort” that offers guidance to Shepard and you can also boink off-screen. She makes you work for it though. You have to come back later and sweet talk her. This puts Mass Effects conversation system to good use and effectively teaches young kids how to talk a woman into bed. These skills are even put to the test later in the game when it comes time to have sex with Ashley or Liara. Make sure you level up your Sweet-Talkin’ skill. You’ll need it.
-bleahy

GTA III -- Nameless Prostitutes: Oh, the glory. The first moment I really felt free in a videogame. Not only was it hilarious to see the car bouncing rhythmically increasing in fervor to a fevered pitch, but everything surrounding the transaction from the pickup (she won't get in if you got a skuzzy ride) to the payment, to the fact that it increases your health, was all so genius. It created the perfect word-of-mouth buzz among friends and it's those kinds of add-ons that I love in games. That and the fact that you could get your money back immediately following the transaction with a few well-placed punches and stomps. So simple, so real, so just like every Thursday night.
--jrmylmb

Gun -- Jenny: Jenny, the local prostitute in Dodge City, from the Western game Gun, is the coolest videogame wh*re of all time. Think of it. She’s a smart, sexy character, she takes a bath for your enjoyment, and she’s a gun-toting friend until her grisly end. Shoot, she’s even responsible for giving you a weapon upgrade. WAY better than most of the useless wh*res in the gaming world. And she’s quite a looker, too. Thank God you’re Thomas Jane in the game, which is good for a freebie.
--mdalonzo

Porkys (Atari 2600) --Porky's, the movie, brought about a resurgence in teen sex comedies of the 1980s, and its videogame tie-in was among the first home console games to feature women practicing the world's oldest profession. In the videogame Porky's, you must overcome obstacles including the women entertainers from Porky's brothel, as well as the silhouette of a woman showering. If you are unlucky enough to get caught by either, you'll soon find yourself falling into a deep pit. Unlike many of the other prostitutes in videogames, these women will not increase your health, help you unlock achievements, or grant you bonus experience. These prostitutes will chew you up and spit you out. You know, like real hookers.
-Yodapollo

Saints Row--The Madame  The Madame enlists your aid because the city’s gang element has stolen away nearly all of the hos from her stable, thereby taking a huge bite out of her profits. Distraught, she turns to the only gun-for-hire hard enough to bring her money-hunnies back, you. This damsel in distress doesn’t just bend over for the city’s vile marauders, like the Kingpin of any criminal organization, she uses violence and intimidation to get what she’s after (furthermore, she’d have every other street walker on this list working for her, by force if necessary, within a week).
--Emorton

Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of Lounge Lizards-- The Hooker: the first LSL features a  conquest in the form of a barfly/hooker. It's realistically seedy, and if you forget to put on a condom Larry's junk will explode and he'll die. She must have super-crabs or something. Anyway, the hooker is the first girl Larry sleeps with, and LSL was the first computer game I'd ever seen with a hooker. So she was kind of like my first. And you never, ever forget your first hooker.
--Sjohnson

Second Life -- Everyone: Every single person in Second Life will sleep with you for Linden Dollars.

Did we forget any ladies of the night? Leave a comment below!