Epic Fail: Super Villains


Posted February 21, 2008 - By Stephen Johnson

Super villainy just doesn't pay off. The social contract of comic books demands that evil-doers who menace Black Lightning or Apache Chief are defeated by the end of the book or the end of the story-line. Even recurring villain favorites are shunted off to Arkham Asylum or forcibly banished back to Bizarro Universe. The absolute best a super villain can hope for is a successful retreat.

But some super villains are so nonthreatening, laughable and just plain dumb that they sink to the bottom of even the loser class of super-villains. So below are the Epic Failures of comicdom villainy. Enjoy!

Big Sir:  Born Doofus P. Ratchet, Big Sir is an enemy of The Flash, and, as far as I know, the only mentally disabled man ever to have owned the title of supervillain. Yep, a group of other supervillains, known as The Rogue’s Gallery, recovered Doofus from a mental hospital, put him in an iron suit, and gave him a weapon, an energy mace, which is not necessarily the best thing to hand a retarded person, but what do I know?

The Flash eventually defeated Big Sir. Probably by pulling a Snack Pak from his backpack and offering it to him.



Chairface Chippendale: The guy (if you can assign gender/sex to furniture) had a genius intellect, was essentially the Kingpin of Crime in The Tick’s version of Manhattan, The City and wrote half of his name on the friggin’ moon with a giant laser. So, hats off to him on that stuff, but once you got past his army of goons and diabolical traps, he was pretty weak. How many villains can you beat by just sitting on their faces? Maybe Tongue Tongue (another one of The Tick’s rogues), who is literally a giant, walking tongue, but for entirely different reasons.



Bomb-Face from Dick Tracy:  Dude’s got a bomb for a head. If he uses it, he dies. That’s mad ignorant. 






Dr. Dorcas: This obscure, failed supervillain is a rogue marine biologist bent on world domination. I guess that's why he's green toned. He has no known super powers, his blowed-up 5' 1" physique suggests a Napoleonic complex, and his name suggests he's a dorkass. No matter how many times he tells you "it's pronounced Dork-ah," everyone knows the truth. He first appeared in Sub-Mariner #5 in 1968 and is perhaps best known for an unsuccessful battle with Spider-man and Namor in Marvel Team-Up #14 in which his engineered race of Men-Fish were severely overmatched. Also, his first name is Lemuel.





Great White: Great White is an epic fail villain for failing to kill more people than the band Great White.







Egg Fu: Egg Fu was a big racist egg, like the size of a house. He was a Communist, which is pretty evil, but he didn't have any limbs, which is not evil. He was smart, but not smart enough to pronounce words correctly.

Wonder Woman defeated him by dancing in front of him until he cracked.

My brother had this comic in his collection, and even though I read it when I was eight, I still rejected the idea of tremendous communist egg on artistic and atheistic grounds. Egg Fu was a double-ass b*tch.

Tags: Epic Fail
Epic Fail: Super Villains


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