In honor of the title of the next James Bond movie (Quantum of Solace), this week's list of Epic Failures is movie titles. Specifically, we're talking movie titles that fail the movies they are meant to represent. Like, say, Quantum of Solace.
Before you start being like "What about The Incredibly Strange People Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies? That's a fail title." No, hypothetical reader, it isn't. That title nicely sums up the madcap, energetic, mid 60s youth-culture vibe of that under-rated film. Same with names like K-9 Cop. It's about a dog cop, so it's a perfect title. Fail titles are the opposite. They don't fit the movies they are attached to. Get it?
Here's the list, son:
- Quantum of Solace: James Bond movie titles are supposed to be badass (Live and Let Die) or at least funny (Octopussy), they're not supposed to be oblique and/or wimpy. A "quantum" is a measurement of the smallest amount of energy, and "solace" means comfort or consolation. So, rather than portending a huge amount of ass-whupping, the title of this movie promises just a little bit of caring. Why not call it "A Smidge of Hugs?"
- Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls: . When anyone mentions crystals, we think of hippies and when we think of hippies we want to punch you.
- Miller's Crossing: The Coen Brother's stylized tale of Irish mobsters is one of the great crime films ever made, but the title conjures images of a Merchant Ivory style high-brow chick-flick.
- Antz: This animated movie was called "Antz" but was actually about "Ants." Fail.
- Leonard Part 6: This Bill Cosby vehicle was painfully unfunny, also there were no parts one through five, thank god, making this title very misleading. The only accurate title would have been Steaming Pile of Ape-Crap, Part One.
- Feeling Minnesota: It is impossible to think of this movie title and not think of something dirty. Go ahead. Try it.Back in 1996, We went to this movie expecting raunchy action and instead got a tepid rom-com starring Keanu Reeves and Cameron Diaz. No one got felt, except in an emotional sense. Is it too late for a refund?
- Yor, The Hunter from the Future: No, you're the hunter from the future.
- Star Wars: A New Hope: Some things should be sacred, and the title to George Lucas's first episode of space goodness should be one of those things. The first Star Wars movie was simply called Star Wars for 20 years. None of this "New Hope" nonsense to sully its purity.
- The Neverending Story II: Lies!
- Busty Cops 2: More Cops, Bigger Busts: Oh, wait. This is in the wrong list. This should be filed under epic win titles.
- Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever: What does that even mean? What could it possibly be about? Fail! Double fail!
- Krakatoa: East of Java: This volcano movie from the 60s has the most epic fail title of all time. Krakatoa is actually West of Java.