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Epic Fail Thursday: Music Failures

frankmeyer
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Posted December 6, 2007 - By Frank Meyer

TheFeed is proud to present the second installment of Epic Fail Thursday, our weekly feature that brings you the greatest failures in the world of videogames, popular culture and technology. We're not talking run-of-the-mill defeat here; Epic Fail Thursday is reserved for the top of the bottom: Grand-scale fiascos only.

Why Thursday? Because that’s the failingest day of the week: It’s not Friday, even though it feels like it. Fail!

Today’s Epic Fail: Recent Music

There’s been oh-so-many failures in music in recent years, it’s hard to even keep track. Some might say rock sucking so hard these days is a failure in of itself. Others would argue hip hop has been failing us for years. But we say it’s less about the genres letting us down, and more about the individual performers screwing up and dragging us down with them. Here are some choice high and lowlights of music failures that come to mind:

10) Spice Girls reunion – It will do well attendance-wise, but fail artistically.

9) Britney Spears 2007 MTV Awards “comeback” performance – She blew it. Was she as fat as everyone says? No, not really by any normal girl’s standards. Was her song atrocious? Not any worse than every other piece of crap that night. Did she look horrible? Well, she’s not as hot as before, but she’s still cute. Did she make a major misstep? Hey, she didn’t fall on her face. Problem is, the whole appearance was a misstep because she didn’t bother to rehearse or get her chops back up. She kinda just looked like a zombie out there, which is a far cry from the Brit of yesteryear.

8) Gary Cherone fronting Van Halen Mach III – Getting the guy from Extreme who sang that horrible “More Than Words” ballad was about the worst idea Eddie Van Halen ever had. Thank God Diamond David Lee Roth came back into the fold and they have launched a successful comeback tour, or the mighty VH would be over by now.

7) Method Man and Redman’s sitcom – How can two funny dudes with sooooo much charisma make such an unfunny, craptacular show? Let FOX develop it, that’s how!

6) Eve’s sitcom – Ditto…except she doesn’t have much charisma…just good looks. But after 5 minutes, does anyone wanna watch a good looking girl read off cue-cards…poorly (see Pam Anderson’s Stacked)?

5) David Lee Roth as a radio DJ – No one loves the Diamond One more than us, and on paper this sounded like a great idea….but it wasn’t. That paper lied.

4) Jay-Z’s “comeback” album Kingdom Come– It was hard to really even deem this a comeback album since he was soooo in our faces as a record executive and via a slew of high profile guest appearances, but that’s what everyone called it…and that’s why it sucked. As a one-time miss in a canon full of hits, it ain’t no big deal (he’s already redeemed himself with American Gangster), but as an album he was balancing his return to hip hop on, it was a pretty ho-hum effort.

3) Rock Star Supernova – We're not sure why it made us so happy that the made-for-TV supergroup Rock Star Supernova failed so miserably in both record sales and concert attendance, but it did. Maybe it was because winner Lucas Rossi seemed like such a douchebag? Maybe it was because cocky Tommy Lee needed to be knocked down a few notches? Maybe it was because the once-cool Dave Navarro is such tool now. No matter though, we wanted it to tank, and tank it did. God loves us.

2) The music biz ignoring file sharing until it was too late – Funny how the music biz acted like file sharing and the digital revolution was no big deal until it was too late, and then overreacted by suing everyone and their mother (literally!) retroactively for sharing music…from all the way back when it wasn’t even illegal to do so! Bottom line is, the music biz needs to reevaluate how it makes money or will cease doing so. And it ain’t our job to figure it out for you, or guess ahead of time as to what you will suddenly decide is illegal. We’re willing to buy it…but even more willing to steal it!

1) Amy Winehouse’s every move since Back To Black was released – Yes, despite making an incredible sophomore album that instantly propelled her to fame, this beehive babe appears to be more concerned with snorting blow, shooting junk, fighting with her loser boyfriend, and generally spitting her success back in our face than, say, making it through a concert or remembering her own lyrics. She’s the female Sid Vicious with far more talent and far less charisma.

What recent music failures did we miss? Sound off below.

Epic Fail Thursday: Music Failures
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