Scientists Find Planet, Enslavement Imminent


Posted November 7, 2007 - By Stephen Johnson

According to The Astrophysicists Journal, evil scientists at Berkley have discovered a new, habitable planet.

Enslavement is imminent.

The fifth planet orbiting the sunlike star 55 Cancri is 41 light-years away in the constellation Cancer. It's 46 times the size of earth and is in the sweet spot temperature-wise: Water on the planet is liquid and that means potential life.

"This discovery of the first ever quintuple planetary system has me jumping out of my socks," says group member and veteran planet hunter Geoffrey Marcy, an astronomer at the University of California at Berkeley. "We now know that our sun and its family of planets is not unusual."

Except that our planet is home to baseball and Jesus. 55 Cancri is home to the Wargnaut Empire, a battle-hardened race of gigantic invisible cockroaches determined to crack our skulls and eat our dreams.

An eleventh hour attempt at an alliance with our robotic overlords has as yet been unsuccessful.

Nice going, Science.

Scientific American: Record Fifth Planet Discovered Around Distant Star

Scientists Find Planet, Enslavement Imminent


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