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Touché, Turtle… Touché

frankmeyer
15 Comments

Posted July 6, 2007 - By Frank Meyer

Somewhere by a lake in middle America...

TIMMY: Hey, Jimmy?

JIMMY: Yeah, Timmy?

TIMMY: Look at that big ol’ turtle over there!

JIMMY: Gosh, that snapper has got to be, like, 40 pounds!

TIMMY: But what’s that thingy on it’s back? It looks like some sort of solar-powered communicator?

(Smiling man in 3-piece suit emerges from the foiliage)

STRANGE PITCHMAN: It sure does, Jimmy. It suuure does. That giant “snapper,” as you like to call it, is called the M16 and is commandeered by scientists from the University of Massachusetts. On it’s back it sports a postcard-sized waterproof computer that tracks and records data about the endangered species and beams it back to the campus when the creature moseys on by a base station.

TIMMY: Wow!

JIMMY: Golly gee Gee willikers, mister!

STRANGE PITCHMAN: The idea is to create a network of constantly moving animal devices that record and store information, transmit data from one device to another, and upload it into a database.

JIMMY: And who read this data?

STRANGE PITCHMAN: Why, the U.S. government, of course!

JIMMY: Holy f**king sh*t, man. That is not cool.

TIMMY: …and where did you come from anyways? How did you know we were here? Are you and that bastard turtle spying on us? MOM!!!!!! DAD!!! HELP US!!!

STRANGE PITCHMAN: Ha ha ha ha ha, you’ll never esc….

THE END

Engadget.com: Solar turtles

Tags: Tech
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