Know what I'm wearing in the above picture? Gamer's Shield Finger Guards.

See, they are these padded sleeves you slip over your digits while you're gaming. They prevent blisters and relieve pressure on the hand bones. Plus, they cure finger cancer.*

They're available in five colors and two sizes to fit even the most splindly or portly fingers.

As if our descriptions isn't enough to sell you on it, you can get your own, free set, if you're diligent and awesome enough. If you're among the first 200 visitors to Gamer's Shield's official site on July 3rd, and you send an email through the contact page that says, "I want my gamer's shield" you'll get your own set. Other people will envy you. Girls will start to like you. I swear!

I'm typing with my finger guards right now, and it's like it's like I'm in heaven! And I have my legs again!

This is the best product on earth, althought there's always room for improvement. We suggest the following to add even more awesome:

• Celebrity finger shield: They'll call you "Mork" with Robin Williams hairy knuckle guards!
• Formal-wear finger shields, with mahogany inserts.
• Stealth finger shields. Flesh colored shields allow the discrete gamer to keep his advantage secret. Shhh!
• Scented finger shields: For the not-so-fresh gamer.
• Rename them "virginity shields"

* Does not cure cancer.