Because of their crunchy, cannabis-drenched lifestyle and smug sense of self-satisfaction, the denizens of Northern California deserve every catastrophe that befalls them. The latest incident of poetic justice: Giant squid attacks!
For the last three years, fishing boats out of Bodega Bay have been catching ink-spewing, deadly, giant squid by the hundreds.
Sport fisherman Rick Powers, who, judging by his name and his words, is possibly the most awesome person on earth, described the Lovecraftian abominations thusly: "They get up to about 100 pounds, (and) eight feet long. Eight feet of fighting fury!"
"They feed like a pack of wolves...they will force their prey to the surface," said Powers "They get themselves into an absolute feeding frenzy. These things are literally eating machines."
No one knows exactly why they have come, but warmer waters due to global warming is suspected. When the apocolypse does come, and the squid come out in force, TheFeed is going to find Rick Powers and have him protect us from all harm. And we're going to stock up on tartar sauce for all the calimari we'll be eating.