Just when you think young people are poised to take over the world with their "computers" and "tennis shoes," old people come out of nowhere like ninjas and remind the youngins that they are older than us, wiser than us, and can kill us with their bare hands.
An as-of-yet unnamed, 70-year-old American Hero (let's call him Lee Marvin v2.0) was on leave from a cruise in Costa Rica when his bus, filled with elderly tourists, was attacked by three muggers. The ex-military man, put the armed mugger in an ultimate sleeper hold, breaking his clavicle and killing him.
While Lee Marvin v2.0 was taking care of the armed mugger, the rest of the elderly people on the bus, started to fight with the other two muggers. When the other assailants saw their friend suffer a life-ending injury and that old people were freakin' pouring out of a bus to totally pwn them, they split.
Then, the old people did a little dance around the dead mugger's body chanting USA! USA!, chugging 40s of Ensure, and giving small children pennies on Halloween.
Jesus Christ, if nothing else this year makes you proud to be American, this should be enough patriotism to keep you going through at least '08. It's stuff like this that reminds you why American used to be AMAZING and conquer secret Nazi Chateaus and crap, but now deliver the world American Idol.
Congratulations you old fu*#ers! You really are the Greatest Generation Evar!
Yahoo! News: U.S. Tourist in Costa Rica Kills Mugger