Skydiving Adulteress Falls to Death

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Posted January 25, 2007 - By mbretz

How NOT to be a Player:

Step 1: Be a Dutchman

Step 2: Join a skydiving club to target some extreme, adrenaline-craving Belgian skirts.

Step 3: Begin an affair with one of your skydiving partners, a married mother of two.

Step 4: While carrying on with the married chick, begin another affair with your other skydiving partner, the married woman’s best friend, who also happens to have a history of vehicular assault against a former boyfriend.

So goes the back-story of the surname-less, ageless, enigmatic, plane-jumping heartthrob, Marcel and the other vertices of this X-TREME love triangle, 37-year-old Mrs. Els Van Doren, and 22-year-old Ms. Els Clottemans.

Just as all was going smoothly within Marcel’s oh-so-clearly well-thought-out stratagem, the shocking and completely unforeseeable happened when Clottemans discovered the affair with Van Doren. Inevitably, tragedy would soon befall the skydiving trio.

As the three joined hands in a daring skydiving maneuver known as the star formation which, were it not for an anonymous fourth skydiver accompanying the trio, would have served as quite the airborne metaphor for their illicit relationship, Van Doren’s primary and secondary chutes failed to open, sending the adulteress to her untimely demise.

Video footage from Van Doren’s helmet cam (we know, just go with us here) has led authorities to believe that her parachute was tampered with. After learning that Clottemans had found out about Van Doren and Marcel, and knowing that Clottemans suffered from a personality disorder (not to mention her previous arrest for attempting to run over her boyfriend), police have arrested Ms. Clottemans and charged her with murder.

It’s not known how many other women Marcel, the wooden shoe-wearing, space cake-eating Lothario, has been keeping. However many there are, TheFeed suggests that they take this occasion to “re-evaluate” certain areas of their lives. Especially the extreme sports parts.

timesonline: Skydiver charged with murder after love rival fell 13,000ft to her death