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Fish vs. Terrorism

mbretz
6 Comments

Posted September 20, 2006 - By mbretz

It takes a vast and varied arsenal to wage a war, and The War on Terror is no different. Alongside heightened security measures at airports and federal wiretapping programs exist perhaps our greatest weapons against terrorism: fish.

That’s right, straight from a manmade lake/resort town near you, Bluegills have been enlisted to do their part to protect us from the terrorists. Several major U.S. cities have begun using the fish as an early-warning system against attacks on municipal water supplies. Through the wonders of science, the breathing, heartbeats, and swimming patterns of the fish are constantly monitored to test for the presence of toxins in the water.

Now, before you get too complacent in the thought that these wonder fish are keeping you and your families safe, we should point out that the Associated Press article on the subject clearly states that while the fish are gangbusters at detecting toxins in the drinking water, they are not, as it turns out, of any help in thwarting efforts to hack into computer systems regulating said water supplies. 

Clearly this is a glaring chink in the armor of our ultimate fish defense force, and one that surely can be remedied. These are American fish, after all. I mean, come on, we invented the power of flight and then put a man on the moon 70 years later. I think we can teach a few fish to operate computers. Anyone who’s seen that movie where the super-intelligent sharks fight LL Cool J knows it’s possible.

It may be our best defense against the forces of terror. Plus, as a side benefit, we’d finally have a use for Aqua Man.

Washington Post: Fish Used To Detect Terror Attacks

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