Webmaster Hates You: Escargots


Posted August 7, 2006 - By Mike D'Alonzo

From: Snaileb eats snails [mailto:snaileb007@********.com]
Sent: Monday, August 07, 2006 10:34 AM
To: stories mail
Cc: webmaster
Subject: Hey! I have VERY important info

Hey! I have very important info

  AND THIS IS LIKE THE 3RD TIME IVE E-MAILED YOU GUYS!! Come on man, isnt anyone excited about new batman? Anyways, the new batman begins sequel is called "The Dark Knight" and Health Ledger is playing the joker. Thats HUGE news! And also the Wachoski brothers have okayed the script for Speed Racer.
The Feed needs to get fed, so EAT THIS $#!T!!!

   - Snaileb eats snails.

From: [mailto:snaileb007@********.com]
Sent: Monday, August 07, 2006 12:35 PM
To: Snaileb eats snails
Subject: Hey! I have VERY important info


Ok, I know there's a new Batman and Speed Racer, blase blase blase...

You eat snails? Like exclusively? Any kind of snail, or just the ones the French make for escargots? Or is it some sort of code that I'm not hip to. Like, a slow dude is a snail, and by 'eating' him, you leap past him to some great revelation before he can get to it? It's all very confusing to me.

Are you eating snails right now? Do you know what that snail remover device that they serve with snails in those fancy restaurants is called? I don't. If you do, that would be cool, because I'm sure it has some cool name, like a 'snail caliper'. Or maybe it's called the 'snail puller'. Wouldn't that be cool?

When you eat snails, do you eat them as an appetizer, or for a full meal? How filling are those snails? Personally, whenever I eat snails, I think, "Ok, these are better than I thought they would be, but I'd rather just drink the butter, or eat something else, because although they aren't bad, they are still snails, and I'd rather be eating, say, chicken than snails."

Have you ever thought that when you were eating the snails? Do you think it affects the way you think or dream, living on the snails like you do?

Also, how many snails could you eat before you'd want to stop? I think I could eat like three, but then I don't love snails. How about you?

Thanks for your interest...in snails.

The Webmaster

Webmaster Hates You: Escargots


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